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View Full Version : The end of my novel 'Taken / Love, Always'



Gisele9
January 17th, 2012, 10:16 PM
What happened after that and lasted through the summer was a big mistake. I tried to recreate our love. I appeared at Dojo from time to time, dressed up, flirting. I was welcomed back by Mimi, was soon dancing late at night within the closed bar with whoever. All of my good work on myself undone. What Erwin and I had had the first time around was love, raw, volatile but special. What we had this year was a watered down version. I was living in the past. And more insecure than before, because this time Nathalie was definitely in the picture. He was truly in love with her. I was preferred in some ways by the regulars at Dojo, because Nat was wild and aggressive, and a lot of people had a hard time with her. One night as was bound to happen, Nathalie turned up while I was there. There was a lot of shouting on her part. I stood with Alex and Daniel at the far end of the bar. She was so vicious. Everyone was trying to calm her down. Erwin was, even. But I deserved it. I left with Alex without saying goodbye, and spent the night in Plainpalais, getting drunk, getting by. It was a low time in my life.
After that, I spent less time in Geneva, and when I was there I mostly spent time with Daniel at his apartment on Rue de Carouge. Occasionally we would end up drinking at the ‘Choix de L’Argent on Rue Dancet with Mimi and everyone. I never saw Erwin during this time, and I learnt over that period that Dojo had closed. Everyone was different. It was the end of an era, of a strange place that had been a big memory in all our lives. I tried to refrain, but one night I gave in and ask Mimi how Erwin was. He said that Erwin had fallen out with almost everyone at the end of Dojo. Partly because of Nat, partly because of drugs, partly because that’s just how Erwin was. I must have looked sad, because Mimi studied my face intensely, and spoke sincerely.
‘Krish, if you can manage, in your heart if you can get over him, you must do it. You have to, whatever it takes, you have to. He is lost. He is drinking and abusing drugs so much he is a stranger now. He is in love with someone else. He isn’t the same person you fell in love with. He doesn’t love you. Whatever it takes, however hard it is, you have to walk away and don’t look back. You have to force your heart.’
The tears came to my eyes, and then I just let them fall, until my face was wet and everyone at the table was silent. Right on cue, Erwin walked in.
I had my back to him, and Mimi made me stay like that, not looking at him. He sat in the booth behind me. While all the conversations went on around us, and Mimi spoke of other things trying to distract me, I just sat there, feeling the proximity to him. I think he did too. He stayed quiet and we remained that way, not speaking, but together in silence. Rarely was I confident that Erwin felt anything about me, but I think for that moment he wanted to be close to me.
The night went on, and we all got drunk. We stumbled from Rue Dancet to the Sportive on Rue de Carouge around 1am. There was an attractive half cast girl amongst us that I didn’t recognize . Mimi caught me staring and leant over to me ‘Erwins new mistress’ he said, laughing, and after a moment I was laughing too. It was all so familiar. The way she sat, poised, hair in place, smiling, shiny lips, glancing at him. Everytime I shook my head, drunkenly seeing myself so clearly in her, Mimi would end up laughing again.
The drunker I got, the louder I got, and eventually I did speak to Erwin. We were both drunk and it wasn’t a nice conversation. My affection was bitter, and his had died. At 3am I walked out into the cold night and drove away from Plainpalais, fiddling with the radio, thinking of nothing at all.
Later in life, I would see clearly how much naivety I had, always had, with Erwin. But simply, he had been and always would be the love of my life.

He stood and walked away for the last time, and as I watched his retreating figure, my mind flashed with all the good memories I ever had of him.
Him teasing me over lunch, hidden in the Feuille de Banane. Laying on the sofa in Dojo, the red light cast around us. Wading through the water in Versoix drunkenly, playing with Alex. Walking hand in hand around CO-OP, looking for an apron. Kissing behind the bar on those first nights. The way we made love for the last time, in the dark, my body covering his on the blue mattress.
Could I have even have claimed to have ever known him? I stood up too, and on the way out the sun hit me. And I smiled for the first time in a long time.
End