View Full Version : Small Boys Humour

December 8th, 2011, 01:09 PM

Santa’s Nuts
Tom and Bailey returned from their Christmas Eve game of football. Mud held a special attraction for the two small boys. It wasn’t long before they were being ordered upstairs to take a bath. While getting ready, both were conversing on what presents they expected Father Christmas to be bringing.
“He’s getting me a new cricket Bat,” said Tom.
“I asked for a mountain bike,” said Bailey.
“How’s he going to get down the chimney with a bike,” Tom laughed.
“Yea, that’s funny,” Bailey laughed back. “He’s got a big round tummy. How’s he going to squeeze that down?”
“Santa will have to go on a diet.” Tom laughed back. “Ask me how you know if you’re over weight.”
“OK, how do you know if you’re over weight?” Asked Bailey.
“That’s when you can’t see your Nuts,” Tom replied looking downwards.
The was a momentary pause, then both small boys fell about in fits of laughter.

QDOS :santa:

December 13th, 2011, 05:57 AM
Haha well, IMHO...

This is more of a joke than a short story, though, if the purpose of writing is to entertain, you did accomplish that. It hit that certain nerve in my body, where the immature, Kindergarten humor comes out. I did think you wrote well for such a short piece ("Mud held a special attraction for two young boys"), and I encourage writing longer ones!

Peace and Love,
Nick Oehrlein

December 13th, 2011, 04:34 PM
Thanks Nick – I find humour really hard to write, observation seems to be the best source of material. Being a Dad has its moments.

Seconds for small Boys
It was time, time being the operative word. Tom was a bright child, but the dreaded learn how to read the hands on a clock was a big problem.
“So Tom, tell me again which hand is which,” his Dad asked holding up the toy clock.
“Is the little one for hours?”
“Yes, that’s good.” Dad said encouragingly.
“And the bigger one, is the, is the minutes.”
“Yes well done.”
Tom’s Dad put the toy clock behind his back and moved the hands.
Holding it up he said. “So what is the time.”
“Err! The little hands on three and the big hands on twelve. Its twelve o’clock.”
“Are you sure.” Dad asked.
“No, no its not. Its three o’clock.”
Tom’s Dad rearranged the hands to the toy clock. “So what’s the time now?”
“It hasn’t changed, it’s still three o’clock.”
“I think you had better look again.”
“Ah! You tried to trick me now its twelve o’clock.”
“Right now tell me how many hours are there in a day.” Asked Tom’s Dad
Tom looked at the clock you could see him counting the numbers in his head. “Is it twelve.”
“OK perhaps that was a bit unfair. You see we have night and day and each have twelve hours, so that makes twenty four.”
“So I was right.” Tom shouted with glee.
“Oh! I can see this whole thing about understanding time is going to be tricky. Let’s go back to just the clock. How many minutes in an hour.” Asked Tom’s Dad.
“Is that all the little spaces around the clock.” Tom asked.
“Yes that’s the ones.”
Tom stared at the toy clock face for what seemed like ages. “It’s a big number, bigger than twelve.”
“Yes it is, don’t you remember what I told you earlier.”
“There’s one that Mum teaches me.”
“Yes, is that one about the clock?” Dad enquired.
“It goes, thirty days have September, April, June and November, All the rest have thirty one, except February alone which has only twenty eight and I think it’s an extra one in a leap year.”
“Yes very good, but can we concentrate on the clock for now!”
“What’s a leap year?”
“It when the cow jumps over the moon.” Dad said looking somewhat annoyed. “Look don’t you remember what I told you earlier.”
“Oh! Sixty seconds made a minute, sixty minutes make an hour, Twenty four hour make a day, seven days make a week, then..”
“OK. Stop there. Now where were we. So the little hand is the hours and the big hand is the minutes.”
“There’s two big hands on the kitchen clock.”
Tom’s Dad distracted looked across at the kitchen clock hanging on the wall. “Yes I can see. Well how can you tell which one is seconds and which one is the minutes? ”
“Ah! The one that moves the quickest is the, is the seconds.” Tom said excitedly
“Yes, that’s it. Well done.”
Tom’s Dad felt he was getting somewhere. He paused considering his next question.
“OK So when your teacher asks what are seconds what are you going to say.”
Tom sat pondering, sucking on the index figure to his right hand. His dad waited patiently. Suddenly Tom’s eyes light up. He raised his hand as would have at school.
“I know, it’s when you’ve had one helping of pudding and you’re allowed to go and get another. That’s what seconds are.”
Tom’s Dad buried his head in his arms. “OK I give in, what do you what for breakfast?”
“A locked up egg.”
At that moment, Tom’s Mum walked into the kitchen she heard Tom’s answer and saw the exasperation on her husband’s face. Smiling she said. “He wants a boiled egg.”
“And don’t forget the soldiers.” Tom called out.

QDOS :listening_headphone

bazz cargo
January 18th, 2012, 09:33 PM
Oh to have a source so good, you lucky man.