View Full Version : A different limerick game (not copied from Ollie)

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March 15th, 2011, 07:20 PM

This game may seem to be a bit hard, so don't be too harsh on the next person. Lenience is the key.

Here's how it goes: I type a limerick and then leave a subject for the next person. The next person writes a limerick on that subject, then leaves a subject for the next person and so on and so on.

So here's my limerick to start things off:

There was a young baker from Chittagong,
Who kept getting his naans and his pittas wrong,
And whilst in a muddle,
Dropped bread in a puddle,
And he'd be so confused for so long.

NEXT TOPIC: cheese

March 19th, 2011, 11:43 AM
A delicatessen called Utterthwaite,
Decided so wisely to emigrate,
With a handful of Yarg, oh,
Set off for Chicago,
But realised he was banned from that state.

Next topic: matrimony

March 23rd, 2011, 03:38 AM
Love and marriage, the song says, of course
Go together, like carriage and horse
But I don't want to wed
'Cause of something I read:
It's the number one cause of divorce

Next topic: public transport

March 25th, 2011, 07:19 PM
Do not use a bus, use a car,
'Cos a bus will not take you that far,
If you wish to commute,
On a definite route,
To the buses, you should say 'au revoir!'

Next topic: the seaside

April 12th, 2011, 12:31 AM
A sneaker wave soaks all it reaches,
My shoes and my socks and my breeches.
Hung them up so they'd dry
But my plans went awry.
Come back with my clothes you sons-a-beaches!

new topic: google

May 12th, 2011, 04:37 PM
When I turn on f'r an investigation,
There's always a new animation,
F'r a historical event,
So let's have merriment,
As an anniversary celebration.

NEW TOPIC: Laurel and Hardy OR Abbott and Costello

May 12th, 2011, 05:52 PM
I wonder how long they rehearsed
And how many times the two cursed,
How does it go?
What? I don't know?
All I remember is Who's on First.

New topic: caffeine

July 16th, 2011, 04:09 PM
A bowl of caffeine at first light,
is the only thing just about right.
Then to get through the day,
I eat Tea-cake, and, say,
several Cola-cubes, covered in Sprite.

New topic: Boots

July 16th, 2011, 04:50 PM
I went to a chemists called Boots
and shook it right down to its roots
as I made my request
while wearing a vest
just to show I don't give it two hoots

Next topic: Yachts

July 17th, 2011, 08:18 PM
My new yacht? It is tantamount too
Your entire life savings - pooh pooh.
But for me...no big deal
Cuz' my wealth is unreal
And I'm so much better than you.

New topic: arthritis

July 17th, 2011, 09:43 PM
On hearing a crunch in my toe
I grew anxious, and started to low.
The neighbours grew scared
At my bleating, and cared
Not a bit that my tootsies hurt so.

Next topic: Underwear

July 17th, 2011, 10:03 PM
I feel something is terribly wrong
I'm afraid that I won't live too long,
For my body is splitting
And hurts worse when I'm sitting
Oh wait, no! I'm just wearing a thong.


Next topic: watermelon

July 17th, 2011, 10:17 PM
(haha - like it. Watermelon?! Geez...here goes.)

If ever I fancy a drink
But can find neither taps nor a sink
Then it's time for a sesh
with some bright juicy flesh
If I eat any more I'll turn pink!

Next: Iron Filings

July 18th, 2011, 05:59 AM
I once drew the most beautiful face
A picture of elegant grace
It was on Magna Doodle,
Lost the whole kit and boodle
The iron filings fell out of the case.

Next: poo flinging monkeys

July 20th, 2011, 06:29 AM
I was struck by the chimpanzee species
With missiles screaming like banshees
I wiped off my face
And found with distaste
It was plastered in hot stinky feces.

Next: Bacon

Squalid Glass
July 20th, 2011, 07:38 AM
It simmers and goes well on anything
it crackles, sizzles and sings.
Without it I'd die
cause I just don't like pie -
the porker with eggs is my king.

Next: George Washington

July 20th, 2011, 09:21 AM
In a painting by a young Francis Bacon
the model had put lots of weight on
the painting was large
the size of a barge
Bacon ran out of paint to daub spots on

Next word: calumny

July 20th, 2011, 01:10 PM
Trebbling in your hindshights
does not make you eager.
But betting on those hearsays
shall let you in some heaver
Keep or up else the deaver
will have you in for feaver
Deception is a teaser
and so is your believer.

Next Word: Authority.

July 20th, 2011, 01:33 PM
In a village down south in Toledo
The alcalde's a rigid old fellow.
His word is the rule
And taught in the school,
A narrow tradition to follow.

next word - sailing

July 22nd, 2011, 07:31 PM
We came on the Sloop John B,
My grandfather and... oh wait, this has been done before!

The wind fills the white canvas sails
And my fingers dig in to the rails
I've a pretty good hunch
I will soon lose my lunch
Even Dramamine can't cure these ails.

next one: procrastinating

July 23rd, 2011, 03:08 AM
I don’t know what to do with my essay
On Katherine Mansfield’s At the Bay
From the minute I wake,
I’ve baked three cakes
But I still don’t know what to say!

next one: environmental protection

July 25th, 2011, 07:07 PM
They say temperatures keep going up.
I check the reports and say, "Yup."
But I think we're naive
If we choose to believe
That the cause is a Styrofoam cup.

Next topic: medicine

July 27th, 2011, 12:15 PM
'Medecine man' they all called him once
He nodded that the title will forwadly bounce
His laments had its moments
His mixes had their potents
Craftedly weighed to the brim of the ounce.

Next Topic: Suspicion

August 19th, 2011, 03:23 AM
Sorry for the intrusion.

August 19th, 2011, 07:03 PM
The world is a horrible place,
I want to spit all up in its face!
It's not that i'm mean
but it just makes me scream,
when I can't find a good parking space.

next topic: gin

August 20th, 2011, 10:35 AM
Gin in a chin chin glass
Drench it on a slightly crushed ice
Minted, syruped and mildly shaked
On a table perfecly placed
Cheers!! as you drink it with class

Next Topic: Album

Sir Roberts
August 21st, 2011, 02:12 PM
Ahh, listening to Bob Dylan sing;
Hearing the horns and bells ring.
But it seems, nowadays,
What with the web and its ways,
It's easier to download the damn things

Next Topic: Religion

August 24th, 2011, 05:19 PM
Religious did you say?
Whoever thought it first
Must have had desires
To change every wires
Through us and through dire
Religion no more
It does not help me think!

Next Topic: Turbulence

August 24th, 2011, 05:28 PM

The air on the wings was unstable
when flying so close to the table
that's the trouble with darts
when powered by farts
but I make them as well as I'm able.

Next subject: Contumely

August 24th, 2011, 05:51 PM
Try not to be contumely
Or else it will retract consumely
There are those who devourely
They will come back severly
Thrust those around kindly
to them it means the worldy
For then it shall receive you fairly!

Next Topic: The Sun

Sir Roberts
September 2nd, 2011, 03:45 AM
5 Billion years since It's birth,
And we've always pressed upon it great worth.
But in our future years
(a culmination of fears)
The Bugger will swallow the Earth.

That was insanely difficult.

Next Topic: Cinema

Bilston Blue
September 2nd, 2011, 07:44 AM
A girl for whom I'd walk a mile
In the cinema, tripped up in the aisle
She broke all her toes
And flattened her nose
But she's still got a beautiful smile

Next prompt: dancing

September 2nd, 2011, 05:17 PM
The sounding of trumpets animated the bouncing
and the ballroom of lights scintillated with dancing
there were laughters of joys
and buccanneering of ploys
the engaging of the crowd was simply oustanding.

Next Prompt: Laughter

September 5th, 2011, 02:29 PM
One glance and she gasped in laughter
I was 'short' of what she was after
To break up her stiches
I pulled up my britches
And cast up my grief to the rafters


September 6th, 2011, 10:28 AM
It's of a noble kind are the Vikings
Their reputation's in their fightings
Their oaken boats are awesome
and their demena's wholesome
and so long live their tales in writings


Bilston Blue
September 6th, 2011, 07:11 PM

A brave man from south of Argyle
Faced a robber and now he's on trial
He said to the QC
"He gave me abuse, and he
laughed at my wife's clothing style"

He said "How dare you, they're nice, I chose them
So please do not say that again"
The robber laughed at him thrice
He said "that's not so nice"
Before lunging in with his red biro pen

The jury of twelve men and good
were shown images of all the blood
It turned out to be ink
where his carpet went pink
Though the robbers went down, so they should.

Next prompt: Sheep

September 8th, 2011, 01:04 PM
The sheeps are out in the prairy
They really do look merry
They sometimes graze
And they sometime daze
They simply just like their dairy


September 27th, 2011, 03:40 AM
The sun burnt my skin bright red
And put a throbbing in my head.
It faded my drapes,
And overripened the grapes.
How I wish we’d have rain instead.

OOPS! I swear that the last post I saw said "sun!" Then, only after I posted, did I see a different page.

I can't delete the limerick though... would mean killing something I brought into the world.

September 27th, 2011, 07:34 AM
Please don't accuse me of spamming,
Or of overposting and hamming.
It's an urge that I'm fighting,
But I just can't stop writing,
Though the flow of my words needs damming.

Next topic: Socks

September 28th, 2011, 07:43 PM
Mr. Fox has a box full of rocks
Which he drops on his toe. Now he squawks,
"A pox on the packer,
That evil toe-whacker,
This box was supposed to hold socks!"

Next topic: Disney

September 29th, 2011, 07:41 AM
there was a lad who loved a red car
he would look for one near and far
he bumped into a Disney shop
and asked for a trial bop
but they only sold them in their other bar

Next Topic: Music

old man's dreams
September 29th, 2011, 11:37 AM
shouldn't limericks have a defined form?

September 29th, 2011, 11:30 PM
Where are the great singers I long to hear,
Like Tom Jones and Streisand from another year?
This hip hop and rap
Are really just crap,
And an awful offense to my ear.

Next topic: Dirt

September 29th, 2011, 11:57 PM
There once was a man named Bert
Who lived amid squalor and dirt
Not a car or a care
Nor shampoo for his hair
Old Bert might as well be inert.


old man's dreams
September 30th, 2011, 12:37 AM
There once was a man that swept the floors
He knew all the secrets from behind closed doors
He stored them away
for a rainy day
When at last he'd own all their stores.

next topic: preacher

September 30th, 2011, 03:48 AM
The church loved their preacher.
Who was thought a great teacher,
He railed against sin,
And the money rolled in,
Enough for his new porn feature.

Next: Salad

September 30th, 2011, 04:18 AM
There once was a great salad bowl
That belonged to a Ringlefinch troll
The dust on its rim
Showed it's importance to him
So last night the troll's bowl I stole.

Next: ​cardboard

September 30th, 2011, 08:17 AM
Long ago when I was a kid,
Oatmeal had a cardboard lid,
Now it's too thin,
So plastic is in,
I really don't like what they did.

Next: Hoses

September 30th, 2011, 05:36 PM
I was telling my kids how a "phone"
With two cans and a string was well known.
One said, "Trade strings for hoses...
Put a note in and blow, sis!
There's a text message." Wow, my mind's blown.

Next: Being late

September 30th, 2011, 06:19 PM
A careless young man from Westphalia
was known to be late inter alia
he set of by bus
oh what a wuss
and turned out a bit of a failure

Next word: Calumny

September 30th, 2011, 06:31 PM
They destroyed her good name with their words.
They said she was wolfing down curds.
Then these trashy "insiders"
Said, "Muffet fears spiders."
Boy, those tabloid reporters are turds.

Next: lunch

October 2nd, 2011, 08:23 AM
Obi, love both your last efforts!

As I started out to lunch,
I suddenly had a hunch
That I'd be much thinner
If I waited till dinner,
And just got a salad to munch.

EDITED in later post for better rhythm

October 2nd, 2011, 09:09 AM
Good fun Phyllis but not a limerick.

When a girl from Chicago ate lunch
she looked for a salad with crunch
but she made such a mess
when chewing on cress
she decided she should have had brunch

October 2nd, 2011, 09:21 AM
Bloggy, you're right. The rhythm is off. Let me reword it.

As I started out to get lunch,
I suddenly had a small hunch
That I would be thinner
If I waited till dinner,
So just got a salad to munch.

Next topic: Space flight

October 2nd, 2011, 10:51 AM
A limerick tutorial:

http://www.creative-writing-now.com/how-to-write-a-limerick.html (http://www.creative-writing-now.com/how-to-write-a-limerick.html)

October 2nd, 2011, 11:47 AM
Okay, Bloggy, I redid it. Yes, I know "thinner" and "dinner" are each 2 syllables, but you can run them together, sliding over syllable 2, if you say them quickly ... works for me. In the future I'll try to be perfect. But I think meaning trumps perfect rhythm when it's so close, so I won't always succeed 100%.

Next topic: Space flight (and make it perfect, people!) :)

October 2nd, 2011, 12:30 PM
Okay, Bloggy, I redid it. Yes, I know "thinner" and "dinner" are each 2 syllables, but you can run them together, sliding over syllable 2, if you say them quickly ... works for me. In the future I'll try to be perfect. But I think meaning trumps perfect rhythm when it's so close, so I won't always succeed 100%.

Next topic: Space flight (and make it perfect, people!) :)

Not in the case of a limerick it doesn't, because the form is 99% of the point of a limerick - As I asked elsewhere, if asked to play ice-hockey, do you take a baseball bat onto the rink.

October 2nd, 2011, 12:41 PM
When launching himself at the moon
George thought it a bit of a boon
that made of the right stuff
and endowed with enough puff
they would all cheer and dance to his tune.

October 2nd, 2011, 01:22 PM
When launching himself at the moon
George thought it a bit of a boon
that made of /the/ right stuff
and endowed with/ e/nough puff
they/ would all cheer and dance to his tune.

Hmmm... let's see, according the Limerick Bible,

L3 has an extra syllable, but "the" can slide into "right"... okay, I guess.
L4 has three syllables also, but this time it does throw off the rhythm. Might try "endowed with some puff" or similar.
L5 has two syllables first, where there should be just one. I recommend fixing that with "They'd all cheer..."

Glad I could help, Bloggy. If you have any questions about limerick form, feel free to ask. :)

October 2nd, 2011, 02:52 PM

Next subject: Drains

October 2nd, 2011, 05:17 PM
There once was a woman defiant
Who found her gold ring to be pliant
With dish soap as lube
The ring went down the tube
The plumber now had a new client.

(is that correct form?) ​Rubber

October 2nd, 2011, 07:52 PM
Nick, excellent form!

There once was a small little boy
Who wanted a ball for a toy
To toss and to hold
As precious as gold –
Its bouncing would give him such joy!

Next topic: Blankets

October 3rd, 2011, 05:55 PM
There's a blanket that's fuzzy and red,
That I share with the girl that I wed.
It was meant to warm two
But my wife pulled a coup
And ousted me out of the bed.

Next: Fresh Air

October 3rd, 2011, 06:02 PM
In need of a breath of fresh air
a tiger strolled out from his lair
but misjudging his pace
he fell flat on his face
as he failed to take adequate care.

Next subject: Dressage.

October 3rd, 2011, 06:27 PM
Dancer Nan was the one he endorses.
He paid her to dance the test courses.
This ballet I abhor,
Dancers poop on the floor...
But remember dressage is for horses.

Next: blisters

October 3rd, 2011, 08:44 PM
Dancers poop on the floor...
But remember dressage is for horses.

LOL! Obi, this is priceless!

With blisters on her feet,
The girl paced by the street,
In search of a trick
To do real quick,
And get home in time to eat.

Next: Planetarium

old man's dreams
October 3rd, 2011, 09:12 PM
Next: Planetarium

they came to be awed and amazed
but instead left bewildered and dazed
by a wild eyed loon
who showed them his moon
with a smile that seemed quite unfazed.


October 3rd, 2011, 10:35 PM
She blindfolded each student in class
gave a Hershey's kiss taste to young Cass
As a hint to the lad
"What your Mom gives your Dad.."
His classmates yelled out, "It's some ASS!"


October 3rd, 2011, 11:28 PM
She blindfolded each student in class
gave a Hershey's kiss taste to young Cass
As a hint to the lad
"What your Mom gives your Dad.."
His classmates yelled out, "It's some ASS!"

Funny one ... love it!

They grow wild on the side of hill,
So I'll pick some to cook for my meal,
'Bout ten of each kind
Of mushroom I find,
Hoping none are the sort that can kill.

Next: elastic

October 4th, 2011, 12:35 AM
I once had a thirty inch waist
But too much beer and pizza I chased.
I now wear fantastic
waistbands of elastic.
My old pants have all been replaced.

Next: Taking a break

old man's dreams
October 4th, 2011, 02:43 AM
There once was a man that needed a rest
with a sigh he complained, "I've brought you my best."
With a crack of a whip
the vixen did quip
"No rest for you slave till you've passed my test!"



October 4th, 2011, 03:10 AM
A boy planted seeds that he'd found
By sprinkling them over the ground.
One day he fell on
A large watermelon
And saw that they grew all around.

Next: pickles

old man's dreams
October 4th, 2011, 03:26 AM
There once was a man with a pickle
He wanted a girl he could tickle.
He gave her his dill
to give her a thrill
She so loved to tickle his pickle!

(they are limericks, after all)

next: hair

October 4th, 2011, 07:31 AM
It's time that I cutted my hair.
I'm starting to look like a bear.
And it's real hard to see
Who is talking to me...
Where'd you go? Oh I see, over there.

Next: Dancing

October 4th, 2011, 08:14 AM
Obi, another good one! You should write a book of limericks ... really!

A bachelor attended a dance,
With the hope of finding romance.
But the girls were so frisky
He thought it too risky,
And sadly he missed his last chance.

Next: spaghetti

October 4th, 2011, 10:16 PM
Thank you Phyllis. I'm working on some. :) If you enjoy a challenge related to limericks, you might like to check out OEDILF - The Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Form (http://www.oedilf.com). You can submit your own limericks that define words and look up words that others have defined.

"I'm starving. Where's dinner already?"
"Here it is, sir, your favorite: spaghetti,
With Parmesan cheese,
black olives and these..."
"Nevermind, bring it on, I am ready!"

Next: windows

October 5th, 2011, 12:35 AM
Those windows that let in the light
and shine like black diamonds at night
are pulling me out
and making me doubt
I should stay in this house shut up tight.

Next: shoes

October 5th, 2011, 12:50 AM
I go barefoot on trips to my shrink
He asks me, "So why do you think
You should not wear your shoes?"
I said, "Please sir, excuse
The lack of my shoes and the stink.

Next: gems

old man's dreams
October 5th, 2011, 12:51 AM
A man walked a mile, in his own shoes.
At the end of his road, he was forced to choose.
Give up the fight
and give up his right,
or end up a part of the evening news.

next : darkness

old man's dreams
October 5th, 2011, 12:52 AM
uhoh, i was fast-posted there.

well, no harm no foul, carry on with:


October 5th, 2011, 06:58 PM
there stood a lady who always craved for
a gem that would set and give her a fore
from all other women
to grab all men
to have them and treat them as if theyre a whore

hows that? next subject - shadows(to slightly continue with old man there)

October 5th, 2011, 08:15 PM
A shadow sneaked through the front door
to spread blackness all over my floor.
It brought in the night
so I turned on the light,
and shouted, "Come back here no more!"

Next: hair

October 5th, 2011, 08:22 PM
there was this fussy blue-haired boy,
he wasnt a punk nor so more,
he, though, was hunted for
being different and tall,
here comes our nightcrawler beware you mongrel

hows that one?
next subject: queen(and not the band please...)

October 5th, 2011, 08:36 PM
there was this fussy blue-haired boy,
he wasnt a punk nor so more,
he, though, was hunted for
being different and tall,
here comes our nightcrawler beware you mongrel

hows that one?

Fine, but it's not a limerick. Bloggy suggests we all read this: http://www.creative-writing-now.com/how-to-write-a-limerick.html (http://www.creative-writing-now.com/how-to-write-a-limerick.html)

Excerpt: Rhythm pattern of limerick ...

bah-BAH bah-bah-BAH bah-bah-BAH
bah-BAH bah-bah-BAH bah-bah-BAH
bah-BAH bah-bah-BAH
bah-BAH bah-bah-BAH
bah-BAH bah-bah-BAH bah-bah-BAH

October 5th, 2011, 08:38 PM
yea, i thought it didnt match the rhythm...too bad.

October 5th, 2011, 09:12 PM
yea, i thought it didnt match the rhythm...too bad.

...or the rhyming scheme (AABBA) But don't worry, you'll catch on. :)

October 6th, 2011, 02:16 AM
The Tweety-bird knew he'd been seen
When he spotted a Tom on the scene
"Oh my, what was that
You baaaad puddy-tat
Wook at that mess you must queen"

Next up: escalators

October 6th, 2011, 04:43 AM
I was going up, but wanted down,
so decided I'd just turn around.
In running so fast
saw myself going past.
Now half of me waits to be found.

Next: underwear

October 6th, 2011, 04:07 PM
I stood up to go and have lunch
When a feeling that felt like a punch
And a wedgie combined
To assault my behind...
My undies were all in a bunch.

Next: breakfast

October 8th, 2011, 08:20 AM
I finally got out of bed,
so anxious to get myself fed
some bacon and eggs
that I hurried my legs,
but found it was lunchtime instead.

Next: invention

October 8th, 2011, 06:41 PM
I am going to be famous again said
the one who was meant and then instead,
got hit by a fruit,
then hit by a root,
poor ol' newton had bad luck and sad.

hows this one? next: x-men!

October 9th, 2011, 11:59 PM
Hank (The Beast) has some really cool feet
And The Banshee can fly (that's so neat).
And then there's Mystique...
She's something unique,
She can change how she looks, dude that's sweet!

Next: Working hard

October 11th, 2011, 09:37 AM
The foibles of men working hard
Is having to keep up their guard
For coming behind them
Trying to find them
Are ladies with scruples quite scarred

October 11th, 2011, 03:30 PM
What's the new topic?

October 11th, 2011, 04:08 PM
oops: :nevreness:

next: the clan of O'leary

October 11th, 2011, 04:18 PM
Feargal from the clan of O'Leary
Woke up with his eyes really bleary

October 13th, 2011, 09:34 AM
Are you going to finish it?

October 13th, 2011, 09:51 AM
Are you going to finish it?

Oops! Thought I was in Olly's thread.

Feargal from the clan of O'Leary
Woke up with his eyes really bleary
as he felt for his socks
he tripped over a box
and fell at the feet of Mick Cleary

Next: Gurning


October 13th, 2011, 09:52 AM
When gurning, a man should take care
To not pull his lip o'er his hair
If he does he depends
On the strength of his friends
A beer, some oil and a prayer!

Next: Politicians

Sir Roberts
October 14th, 2011, 02:29 PM
The story of a professional liar
Can be seen as one rather dire.
But harden your hearts
For you can see from my charts:
They possess the veritable wit of a tyre.

Next Topic: Defenestration.

Sir Roberts
October 19th, 2011, 04:30 AM
Good lord, did I kill the thread?

October 19th, 2011, 09:48 AM

On the subject of defenestration
I searched for some good information
and read on one site
of the terrrible plight
of Prague and a sore troubled nation.

Next word:- imbroglio

October 20th, 2011, 04:43 AM
Through the crowded room, Joe gently glides.
He, while keeping his arms at his sides,
takes a step back. His palm
smacks the rear of Steve's mom
accidentally! She winks, so Joe hides.

Next "Border Crossing"

October 20th, 2011, 08:39 AM
While involved in a fearsome imbroglio

Fred chanced on a Shakespeare first folio
so he did something rash
and doled out the cash
and thus grew his handsome portfolio.

Next word: Insight

November 5th, 2011, 04:46 AM
If you hear a small voice inside
That tells you which way to decide
more often than not
with the info it's got
Intuition can be a fine guide

Next concept: the number six

November 9th, 2011, 05:28 PM
It's a tick below seven on graphs
And it's less than a dozen (by halfs)
You can say two times three
All the same thing to me...
When it's followed by nine you get laughs.

Next: nicknames

December 2nd, 2011, 10:39 AM
When everyone has the same name
Remembering who's who is a game
Which "Bobby" is he?
No, that one's a *she*
And they've only their parents to blame

Next up: noodles

December 2nd, 2011, 10:53 AM
An Italian from Naples now doodles
designs for daring new noodles
he cooked up a batch
which he left in the hatch
but the noodles were eaten by poodles

New word: Blancmange

December 24th, 2011, 05:35 AM
I'll try the blancmange now I think
With a goblet of water to drink
Made of almonds and cream
it is smooth as a dream
But I can't understand why it's pink!


December 24th, 2011, 10:37 AM
I thought to get rid of a fridge
by throwing it over a bridge
when about to let go
it fell on my toe
as I dropped it when bit by a midge.

Next word: Saucer

December 24th, 2011, 12:27 PM
the alien saucer fell hard
And landed right in my back yard
I'd give them jobs mowing
Or cooking and sewing
But none of them has a green card

December 24th, 2011, 12:28 PM
Next word: serpent

December 27th, 2011, 06:14 PM
Okay, that's enough, I'm awake!
Is that real? Holy crap, that's not fake!
Next time I oversleep
Just shake me, you creep!
Don't you dare wake me up with a snake.

Next: hangover

March 26th, 2012, 01:17 AM

March 26th, 2012, 03:09 AM
once it was over,
and still with hangover,
just after puking in sink,
he looked at the barmaid,
gave her a grin,
and ordered a gin for a drink.

next word: "drink"

(come on tie-guh, I know yer lurkin'... doan be shy..)

March 26th, 2012, 09:24 AM
I thought to go for a drink
to the pub right beside the ice rink
but found it was full
of young girls on the pull
with dresses so short I did blink

Next word: Windlass

March 27th, 2012, 08:01 AM
I would like to retract what I said;
It was mean, I'll be nice now instead.
My words caused so much drama
When I said that yo' mama
needs a windlass to get out of bed.

Next: insomnia

April 1st, 2012, 12:35 AM
While dropping bombs, on innocents in Bosnia,
the pilot worried, he might contract insomnia.
It seems he'd heard
that Germans flying birds while dealing death
had been using something,
like shots or pills of ancient crystal meth.

(eh, sorry) Next: Nato

April 1st, 2012, 09:20 AM
Kevin - That's not a limerick, try again.

April 1st, 2012, 03:20 PM
2nd Try:

He thought might sleep, by counting his sheep
but he just couldn't shake the insomnia.
While playing some game, he felt rather lame
as he just couldn't rhyme with 'in Bosnia'.

How about 'snore'? Rhyme with snore...

April 1st, 2012, 03:42 PM
Kevin - Have a look here http://www.volecentral.co.uk/vf/fun.htm#Limerick (http://www.volecentral.co.uk/vf/fun.htm#Limerick) for the form of a limerick.

April 1st, 2012, 04:22 PM
Ok. I've studdied and tried to 'see' the form. Five lines, 1,2, & 5 ....metrical foot, not sure I get that but, here goes:

There once came a sheppard from Bosnia
who struggled with bouts of insomnia
First counting sheep
he still could not sleep
"So, perhaps I should do them like Bosnia."

(Yes, I thought suffered first, but then I was thinking of his attempts to overcome it; his "struggles"..His solution, of course, might infer that he'd already shampooed the beast, unless he had anosmia)

There once came a sheppard from Bosnia
who suffered with bouts of insomnia
First counting sheep
he still could not sleep
"So, perhaps I should do them like Bosnia."

new word: Meter

April 1st, 2012, 04:27 PM
Much better Kevin, perhaps you should have had them suffer from anosmia. You forgot to give us the new word...

April 2nd, 2012, 04:52 AM
I'm starting to notice a pattern,
This forum inspires the matter,
one meter foot
glanced in a book
Line five I will aim for the laughter.

new word: engaging

April 2nd, 2012, 05:03 AM
The skirt on that alien's quite short.
Should we, the mission abort?
Kirk turned in rage
"I'd rather die of old age"
But she was killed before they were engaged.

Topic: Frog Spawn

April 3rd, 2012, 07:31 AM
Evening was met with a yawn.
I'm out of bed daily at dawn.
Shoes on the feet,
went down to the creek,
and spotted a dotted frog spawn.

Topic: apple cider

April 3rd, 2012, 07:57 AM
Apple cider's the bestest of drinks,
Even better than coffee, methinks.
If I drink a whole jug
Give my finger a tug,
But look out behind me... it stinks.

Next: influenza

April 3rd, 2012, 12:42 PM
Influenza was a girl I knew
Oh did she like to go to
the back seat of the car
and drive really far
but never to sea or the zoo

next: water

April 5th, 2012, 03:05 AM
Spring is here, wish it was hotter
I'm makin some tea, boiling the water
filled up the pot
ready or not
tea's on for my alma mater

next topic: dazed

April 5th, 2012, 07:32 AM
I fell down, I was dazed and confused:
My face, badly beaten and bruised.
I kept crying this song:
"Can't we all get along?"
The policemen did not look amused.

next: going on strike

April 6th, 2012, 01:27 AM
Going on strike three and game over
So boring, they're picking at clover.
Now I've got to pee but
I really need to see
what... happens before I'm hungover

next : dandy

Sir Roberts
April 13th, 2012, 02:56 PM
I have spent eighty-five pounds on my hair,
And more on the clothes that I wear.
I have a fondness for shoes
and I drink fruity booze
But I'm straight as an arrow, I swear!

Next: Accounting

April 24th, 2012, 09:33 PM
There will be an accounting, oh yes.
You'll explain how you got in this mess.
You'll explain to me why,
Even though you're a guy,
You were prancing downtown in a dress.

Next: personal space

April 24th, 2012, 10:06 PM
When you make like a small shoal of dace
You're crowding my personal space
I thought we'd agreed
that with utmost speed
you oughta get out of my face.


While beating the bounds of the borough

April 24th, 2012, 10:38 PM
The mayor got up on a horse.
The bounds of the town were his course
With officials and friends.
(And obi pretends
Like he KNEW this... but here is his source).

Liverpool & South West Lancs Genealogy • View topic - Farming fact or fiction? (http://www.forum.liverpool-genealogy.org.uk/viewtopic.php?t=11556&highlight=)

Next: mushrooms

May 3rd, 2012, 05:51 AM
From jail the restauranteer sprung us
(His sister-in-law was among us)
Then we had a great feast
Of his best Gyro beast
With a bit of Crimini fungus

Acid reflux

May 6th, 2012, 08:44 AM
I am feeling a little distressed
I've been having this pain in my chest.
It gets worser at night
And I think that I might
Have to burp or throw up. I can't rest.

Next: contest

June 18th, 2012, 07:24 PM
One morning on "Man vs. Food"
Adam Richman was not in the mood.
Still, he tried to eat
5 or 6 pounds of meat
When he couldn't he was roundly booed.


....from my Android.....

June 18th, 2012, 08:00 PM
An android at home is a waste
as when sampling the anchovy paste
the effect on its copper
though perfectly proper
is certainly not to its taste

June 20th, 2012, 10:19 PM
next topic?

June 20th, 2012, 11:10 PM
next topic?


Speed dating

June 21st, 2012, 06:49 PM
We are speed dating. Here is the plan:
Meet as many new gals as you can
And then quickly decide
If there's secrets they hide.
Like for instance, right there... that's a man.

new: canned food

June 21st, 2012, 07:45 PM
When opening a large can of prunes
use the stones for casting the runes
if you have predilictions
for making predictions
you'll find them far better than spoons

Next: Hetrosexual campanology

June 25th, 2012, 11:55 PM
A man and a woman do well
To make one another feel swell.
She's cute, he is dapper
And has a big clapper:
All night long, she is ringing his bell.

next: 7up

July 24th, 2012, 01:45 PM
If the uncola didn't exist
There'd be no "Sierra Mist"
Yes you heard that right
There would, too, be no "Sprite"
or the generics like "Lemon Lime Twist"

white glue

July 24th, 2012, 04:28 PM
It was broken. I thought that I might glue
It together but don't have the right glue.
I need rubber cement.
But don't know where it went.
Guess I'll just have to use this here white glue.

Next: lost keys

August 27th, 2012, 12:27 PM
On opening the door to the cellar,
I found there a little green fella
He dangled some keys
That belonged to my bees
Then that small thieving man just said 'Stellar!'

Next: Buttonhole

August 27th, 2012, 01:11 PM
My button-hole's sporting a rose
and it's almost as red as my nose
but it makes me look dashing
when I spend the day splashing
the grass with a P V C hose

Next word: Blushing

August 27th, 2012, 01:37 PM
The bandicoot tends to believe,
That to blush is to lie and deceive,
So he'd rather go blue,
or a pale purplish hue,
Than see damning red spots on his sleeve.

Next: Fallacy

August 27th, 2012, 11:27 PM
To say Nero played fiddle's not true;
There were no violins that he knew.
They were not yet invented,
So if you're presented
With this "fact" then it comes from a lyre.

Next: teriyaki

August 27th, 2012, 11:52 PM
A sauce made of honey and soy
with garlic and ginger, oh, boy!
The steak you are basting
will turn out good-tasting
when you grill til it's done and enjoy

next: colors

August 28th, 2012, 12:07 AM
There was a young lady from Kent
who had sex on the last day of lent
the colours she saw
when she lay on the floor
were all on the wall of her tent.

Next word: Cardigan

August 29th, 2012, 03:37 AM
Mary knit as she drove to the zoo
The officer knew what to do
"Pull over!" he told her
She just shrugged her shoulder
"No cardigan -- it's not for you."

Next: inertia

August 29th, 2012, 06:55 AM
^^ Haha, that was awesome! :applause:

As the merry-go-round spun about
My sister was trying to shout,
"I want to get off!"
As she held back a cough.
As for dinner... inertia helped it out.

Next: Sherlock Holmes

August 30th, 2012, 01:53 AM
On the case, Sherlock Holmes went to work
Uncovering each little quirk
Watson asked how he knew
and what school he'd gone to
"Elementary!" Holmes said with a smirk.

Next: airplanes

September 12th, 2012, 03:59 PM
Have we told you of flight four-fifty-two?
When your mother was part of the crew
Yes, that's where we met
But what you don't know yet
It's also where we conceived you!

Next up: Caffeine

September 12th, 2012, 05:05 PM
When trying to embrace my first teen
I realised my technique was green
as it started to crumble
when I first went to fumble
so I put it all down to caffeine

Next word: Marzipan

September 13th, 2012, 11:34 PM
Whether eaten as candy or frosting,
Oh, the WeightWatchers points it is costing!
That sweet almond paste
Adds the pounds to my waist
And working it off is exhausting.

Next: packing

September 25th, 2012, 10:31 AM
I wondered just what it could be
The birthday gift you shipped to me
When I opened it up
There was a fine antique cup
All four pieces were wrapped separately.

next: television

September 25th, 2012, 02:18 PM
When watching some porn on the box
I contracted a strange kind of pox
that was a surprise
and it opened my eyes
to the risk of of misuse of child locks

Next subject: Townies.

October 27th, 2012, 03:17 AM
THis is a little obscure. Gownies - univerisity students. Crownies - men with titles

The city it calls us the gownies.
We snub all the ignorant townies.
Co all us smart girls,
in our twin set and pearls
are hoping to marry some crownies.

next: feet

October 27th, 2012, 03:46 AM
'ere once was a woman who thought it'd be neat
to bend over and tickle, her own feet
half of the way down
her face showed a frown
from behind her came air and a tweet

*I think it's close to the rules.

next: pun

October 27th, 2012, 05:06 AM
Captain Hook said, "So, what do you think
Of this dish? Is it good? Does it stink?"
Tasting pixie and dill,
Peter Pan said, "It's swill.
I don't think that I like pickled Tink."

next "Candles"

October 27th, 2012, 05:10 AM
Jack tried to be nimble and quick
But couldn't get over the stick
He wondered just how
He would walk around now
With his bullocks tied up in a wick

Next: Videogames

October 29th, 2012, 05:42 PM
While playing Nintendo, I've found
That the easiest buttons are round.
The ones that are square
Make thumbs blister and tear
Like a steak that's been pummeled and ground.

Next: superheroes

October 29th, 2012, 06:04 PM
I once fell in love with a Dane
who flew through the air like a plane
her muscles were massive
her punches percussive
but her sex life was oh so mundane

Next word: Manchester...

October 29th, 2012, 07:19 PM
From Manchester there came an old dog

November 7th, 2012, 10:58 PM
This thread is for posting complete limericks, not one line at a time. :)

In Manchester, there is a band
Called Oasis, who used to command
Top dollar for playing
But now they're just praying
That the Gallaghers don't get out of hand.

Next: tournament

Olly Buckle
November 7th, 2012, 11:25 PM
A tournament can be hard on the weak
They are always the first ones to break
Noses and limbs,
Big toes and chins
And there’s only so much they can take.

The Platypus.

November 8th, 2012, 09:49 AM
The duckbill’s a singular beast
the result of a surfeit of yeast
when mashing the brew
God hadn’t a clue
and got bits of different animals all mixed up – Hic!


Olly Buckle
November 8th, 2012, 05:12 PM
The samba is not taught in schools
But in Rio the samba school rules
When on Shrove Tuesday
we eat pancakes and pray
They're half naked and dancing like fools


November 19th, 2012, 05:55 PM
I own a machine-eating lawn.
It is scary to even walk on.
I've a mower for hay
I left out, just one day
And the grass-cutting gadget was gone!

Next: magazine

November 19th, 2012, 10:24 PM
While reading a lewd magazine
George fails to look where he'd been
when up from behind
(this is rather unkind)
he's arrested for being obscene

Next word: Soup

November 20th, 2012, 05:48 PM
That was just to help you out Olly...

November 20th, 2012, 06:47 PM
Thin Hector would eat nothing chewy
Or crunchy or meaty or stewy
To keep himself thin
He'd let nothing in
But watery soup that went though he

Armadillos, please...

November 20th, 2012, 07:40 PM
I have here a dead armadillo.
I found him out under the willow.
I'd scoop out his nethers
And stuff him with feathers
But that wouldn't make much of a pillow.

Next: napkins

Olly Buckle
November 21st, 2012, 12:15 AM
A napkin can cover a baby
Or the lap of a dining lady
but say 'serviette'
And it's a fair bet
The brown stuff's going to be gravy


November 22nd, 2012, 05:05 AM
My wits are beginning to scatter
Some say I might be a hatter
I'm up there in age
Hatter's make a good wage
I think I'll look into the matter

Next: Finland

November 22nd, 2012, 09:30 AM
I think it would benefit from another syllable in the second line:

My wits are beginning to scatter
Some say I might be a mad hatter
I'm up there in age
Hatter's make a good wage
I think I'll look into the matter

While sailing around in the bay
I chanced upon Santa's lost sleigh
he'd just left Helsinki
but crashed in the drinky
and left it to rest where it lay

Next word: callous.

November 23rd, 2012, 04:28 AM
Tom Lehrer did warn about Alice
Dear Clementine's sibling (with malice)
"A pestering sister's
a festering blister"
I'm used to her, now she's a callous.

Next: insects

Olly Buckle
November 23rd, 2012, 09:22 AM
I was a fifteen year old boy when Tom Lehrer was big, there are songs of his I know by heart :)

A head a thorax and abdomen
Six legs, wings and a sting on them.
Egg, larva, pupate
then become pure hate
Wasps should all die, and to that amen.

December 27th, 2012, 07:29 PM
Next: Doomsday

December 27th, 2012, 09:08 PM
As we amble along towards doomsday
some think that the warnings are hearsay
so the warnings they spurn
and the planet they burn
just wait till they wake up next Thursday…

Next word: Plantain

Sir Roberts
January 7th, 2013, 05:29 AM
I heard tales of fruit in my school
I'll admit, they don't make me drool.
But now I've grown wiser,
And a bit of a miser,
I ponder its usage as fuel.

Sir Roberts
January 7th, 2013, 05:30 AM
Write something witty about mountains.

January 7th, 2013, 11:05 AM
I was hiking the side of a mountain
when I came across a small fountain
so I tossed in a coin
but got kicked in the groin
by a man in a dirty brown soutane.

Next subject: Lace

January 7th, 2013, 11:25 PM
Corporal Klinger would try any trick
to "prove" he was mentally sick
He'd wear lace and pearls
do his hair up in curls
but no one was buying his schtick.

Next: waffles

January 8th, 2013, 12:07 AM
Needing a spread for some waffles
I set the pig hunting for troffles
then knowing the O
had no place to go
I retired to bed with the snuffles.

Next subject: sausages

February 9th, 2013, 05:24 PM
What no one ever wants to see
The pigs remains once soul is free
So we grind it with corn
Entrail, hoof and horn
And serve it with biscuits and gravy

Subject- plaid

February 9th, 2013, 05:44 PM
A young man all trousered in plaid
behaved like a bit of a cad
but got his come-uppance
and he lost his last tuppence
when he made a daft bet with his dad.

A Welsh theme: Coracles

Olly Buckle
February 9th, 2013, 10:25 PM
A predictable thing is a coracle
With or without an oracle
They say it will float
And work as a boat
But that would just be a miracle.


February 9th, 2013, 10:38 PM
The coleen who came from Tralee
was awfully partial to tea
she poured out a cup
and started to sup
then remembered her biscuits and brie

Next word: Fumes

April 22nd, 2013, 03:31 AM
Young Kermit went for a ride
With Miss Piggy close by his side
But her barnyard aroma
made him drive her home-a
and say she could ne'er be his bride

​Next: Pride and Prejudice

July 21st, 2013, 03:56 AM
These two fellows played different roles:
Mssrs. Bingley and Darcy. The polls
Say the chicks like big D
And the reason you see
Is cuz gingers don't got any souls.

next: Batman

July 21st, 2013, 08:59 AM
When Batman went out on the town
his outfit caused many a frown
his long pointy ears
had girls laughing tears
so Batman went home feeling down.

Next: Moscow

July 31st, 2013, 04:14 AM
The Third Reich sough Moskva to plunder
But the rain and snow stole their thunder
Der Fuhrer thought tanks
Along with foot ranks
Would avoid old Napoleon's blunder

Romeo and Juliet

August 6th, 2013, 07:26 PM
"Oh Romeo where art thou, my beau?"
"I am down in the bushes below."
"Why for art thou down there?"
"I'm not peeping, I swear,
Couldn't help but to stare, I'm like...whoa!"

next: smart phones

August 9th, 2013, 06:52 PM
If texting your friends makes you queasy
Then Autcorrect makes it easy
Just write what you think
And in less than a blink
Your words come out obscene and cheesy

next: reality TV

September 9th, 2013, 07:02 AM
Could a man with more repulsive traits
be sent to these quite gorgeous estates
You are controlling...
Wait, we are rolling?
Kiss me my shining knight. We're soul mates.

next: Saying No

September 9th, 2013, 09:00 AM
A young man who rowed on the Po
had a girlfriend who kept saying no
so to overcome urges
he had regular purges
which left his sex drive really low

September 9th, 2013, 10:36 PM
there once was a mischievous knight
who wrote poems in the middle of night
he forgot to add next
what to add to the text
which put us in considerable plight

Next: rowing the boat

September 9th, 2013, 11:11 PM
When rowing a boat down the Thames
I saw a tall building in flames
surrounded by water
I did what I oughta
and started to write down the names

October 9th, 2013, 05:03 AM
That mischievous knight's but a squire
Who must want this thread to expire
I'll hoot and I'll stomp
"Hey give me my prompt!"
Don't leave me here stuck in the mire

Next: lint

The Tourist
October 9th, 2013, 05:54 AM
She just wouldn't give me a hint,
For delighting in handfuls of lint.
No comfort for keeping a locket
Secure in a cozy vest pocket.
But there's closure with two-timing Clint.

Next: Earwigs

October 9th, 2013, 08:31 AM
The earwig's a curious creature
marked out by a singular feature
you can see it in books
the pair of small hooks
the ones pointed out by your teacher.

Next: Marshmallow

October 20th, 2013, 02:22 PM
A gooey, soft pillow of sweetness,
My marshmallow, you've just got to see this,
In my mouth I shall stuff,
This white sugary puff,
And make another trip to the dentist.


Next subject: Socks

October 20th, 2013, 03:00 PM
If asking advice off of me
I think my suggestion would be
to avoid putting rocks
in the tips of your socks
and stubbing your toes on a tree

Next word: Bicycle

October 20th, 2013, 04:48 PM
His bicycle had squeaky wheels
which made the most god awful squeals
he doused them with oil
their racket to foil
then slipped and fell head over heels

next subject: snakes

October 21st, 2013, 01:50 PM
There once was a large anaconda
loved a girl snake he liked to call Rhonda
but he wasn't too happy
when she swallowed his pappy
'twas a meal of which he was fonda.

next subject: robots

November 5th, 2013, 04:35 AM
You claim we are cold and unfeeling
that good union jobs we are stealing
But we do your labor
while such thoughts you savor
'tween sips of Earl Grey and Darjeeling

next subject: Advertisments

November 5th, 2013, 10:11 AM
The snakes that inhabit my room
disgust as they quietly zoom
from pillar to post
while stealing my toast
so I chase them away with my broom.

Next word: Contrapuntal.

Olly Buckle
November 5th, 2013, 10:54 PM
You did that on purpouse didn't you? A four syllable word that just about has to end the line and has no natural rhyme, I see you, but take this.

To harmonize most contropuntal
Is truly at base elemental
But counterpoint's bad
It can drive a man mad
If his rhythms are simple and gentle.

There, bet that made you smart :)

Next, washing up.

November 6th, 2013, 10:34 AM
Washing up's made to disgruntle
and Olly's thoughts so hard to funnel
while covered in soap
and seeking a trope
and dancing to tunes contrapuntal

Why should it be easy? Next word: Dismembered...

November 18th, 2013, 05:47 AM
When musing of things contrapuntal
Be wary for things detrimental
Advice I remembered
When I was dismembered
From falling down stairs accidental

Hope this is hard enough, Bloggsworth. Next word: Tumorous

November 18th, 2013, 10:23 AM
It seems that the lumps on my humerus
were thought to be somewhat tumourous
but it turned out that the lumps
were sebaceous humps
which everyone found was quite humourous

Pah! Difficult scmifficult...

Next word: Contumely.

November 24th, 2013, 07:01 PM
My English Prof, tall and slim
Showed my paper, lips pressed and grim
I looked with a frown
"That word is a noun?!!!"
And threw some contumely at him

Next: chagrin

November 24th, 2013, 07:57 PM
Twas' a sad day for Barry O’Flynn
who looked on his life with chagrin
so he called the bartender
and continued his bender
with another tonic and gin.

Next: perfidy

November 26th, 2013, 06:14 PM
Perfidiousness is the name
Some call it, but that's in the game.
To lengthen a word
Is not so absurd,
And who are you going to blame?

Next: translation

November 26th, 2013, 10:44 PM
A joke which got lost in translation
was seen then to anger a nation
the stupid Dee-Jay
who thought it would play
left on the next train from the station.

Next: Antidisestablishmentarianism (Yes, it does scan)

November 27th, 2013, 03:02 PM
Next: Antidisestablishmentarianism (Yes, it does scan)

I'm afraid not. Not in a way that's even close to the correct meter for any part of a limerick.

At times the rhymes aren't quite right
And the scansion's turned into a fright
But we're having some fun
And we won't be outdone
So let’s hope it won’t cause a fight.

Next: crime

December 1st, 2013, 01:19 PM
A policeman who loved fighting crime,
Drank generous servings of wine,
He missed Tuesday's shift,
And his colleagues were miffed,
But Tuesday's fine wine was divine.

Next: Masculinity

December 2nd, 2013, 12:52 AM
Masculinity is a real boast
Testosterone gets you the most
Just take it by mouth
But when it goes south
You'll need once again to be dosed

Next: forum

December 2nd, 2013, 01:40 AM
A Roman was stabbed in the forum
T'was a terrible lack of decorum
they found out quite soon
by the time it was noon
they already had done the post-mortum

Next: Roman

- - - Updated - - -

A Roman was stabbed in the forum
T'was a terrible lack of decorum
they found out quite soon
by the time it was noon
they already had done the post-mortum

Next: Roman

December 2nd, 2013, 01:51 PM
A young Roman soldier called Rex
Who had minuscule organs of sex
When on trial for exposure
Just said with composure
"De minimis non curat lex".

Next: composure

December 2nd, 2013, 04:15 PM
Is antidisestablishmentarianism
antipathetic to outright sectarianism?
I had talks with a vicar
which could have gone quicker
had he not turned to totalitarianism.

December 2nd, 2013, 06:42 PM
Once again the mischievous knight
Pondered his serious plight
He wanted to rhyme
But they weren’t too sublime
He might as well fly a kite:grin:

next: composure

December 3rd, 2013, 02:45 PM
Composure is misunderstood
Over there 'n' right here in the 'hood
It's about looking cool
Not just playing the fool
As if anyone thinks that they would

Next: playing

December 10th, 2013, 04:02 PM
He was playing a game for a nickle
but was accused of being quite fickle
so he ran through the door
of an old hardware store
and tripped right over a sickle

next: tripped

December 10th, 2013, 07:25 PM
Without any balance, she tripped
Though that wasn't planned in the script.
It seemed very unkind
But she fell down behind
And certainly had her wings clipped.

Next: wings

December 10th, 2013, 08:22 PM
I once found a bird without wings
A whore among other things
Her beauty protruded
Except when she brooded
And prone was she to mood swings

Next : Talent

December 10th, 2013, 08:37 PM
A peripatetic young gallant
was a poet so lacking in talent
that so many times
he messed up his rhymes
and failed to end the last line with anything remotely suitable

Next word: Jalapeno...

December 10th, 2013, 10:37 PM
The jalapeno was horribly hot
but he thought he'd give it a shot
"I'm not a big liar,
my tongue is on fire,
give me all the water you've got!"

Next word: perspicacity

December 10th, 2013, 10:49 PM
There once was a woman named Maxi
Who was lacking in perspicacity
She lay in her bed
Not a thought in her head
Caring for naught, save her mortality


December 11th, 2013, 12:11 PM
Philandering men are around
So keep your feet well on the ground
If they're wearing a ring
Then that's quite a thing
But their passion will often abound

Next: passion

December 11th, 2013, 01:36 PM
Remember it well when impassioned
that the concept is rather old fashioned
which means an afternoon's walking
is by some seen as stalking
so keep your ardour well rationed.

Next word: Volume.

December 11th, 2013, 03:04 PM
A limerick volume of old
Was published but not oversold
Its contents were awful
And almost unlawful
But not editorially controlled

Next: unlawful

December 11th, 2013, 07:57 PM
I once knew a bloke from West London
Who was brought into life with a bludgeon
Throughout his whole life
He brought only strife
Unlawful straight into the dungeon.


December 11th, 2013, 08:23 PM
Belly dancers have abdomens keen
That are part of a rhythmic routine.
It's pretty exotic
And somewhat erotic,
But by no stretch should it be obscene.

Next: obscene

December 11th, 2013, 09:31 PM
Truth be told, I'm somewhat obscene
If you know me well, you know what I mean
I'll hold you near
And love you my dear
Now strip it down and let's make a scene ;)


December 12th, 2013, 12:52 AM
The terror of limericks is crude,
Their meaning amusingly lewd.
They're not quite worth reading
By people with breeding:
They're meant for us (vulgar and rude).

Next: vulgar

December 12th, 2013, 11:55 AM
I want to be vulgar, I want to be clear
With my intentions towards you my dear
I'm wrapped in a johnny
So hurry upon me
'fore those voices we hear come to near.


December 12th, 2013, 12:25 PM
It's young John who comes over forlorn
when he sees Betty-May on the lawn
but bachelor David
gets frothy and rabid
when spying the pecs on young Sean.

Next word: Linlithgow

December 12th, 2013, 07:04 PM
A nun from the Burgh of Linlithgow
Was out for a stroll in the fresh snow
When caught off her guard
She slipped in her yard
Head cracked, she died from the flow.


December 12th, 2013, 07:25 PM
A voluptuous colleen from Meath
was lying naked upon the heath;
but when a brash young lad
dropped his pants, looking bad
she put his knife back into its sheath

next: inane

December 12th, 2013, 07:33 PM
You may think it so very presumptuous
when I lust after maids most voluptuous
my heart’s on my sleeve
so I’d best take my leave
before I do something contemptuous

Next word: Slovenly.

December 12th, 2013, 07:39 PM
next: inane

An inane, ill-informed kind of llama
Believed he was Barack Obama.
The press thought so too
(Or so did a few)
Not to mention a weird type of farmer.

Next: slovenly

December 13th, 2013, 04:17 AM
A slovenly sloth from the jungle
Was curious about a mumble
That sloths in their slowness
In slo-mo would caress
The hill as they suffer a tumble.

Next : Diamond

December 13th, 2013, 06:09 PM
A very hard stone in the ground
Made of carbon, not easily found,
A diamond's the thing
For dressing with "bling"
And their value is something profound.

Next: profound

December 13th, 2013, 09:02 PM
An Ode to Alfie

There once was a lad born to class
Whose small mind was so drawn to crass
That his most profound words
Were oft' spoken to birds
"Life - just about face, boobs, and ass."

Next : Stalking

December 13th, 2013, 09:20 PM
Behind my house stood a man
he waits there despite my plans
when a stalker is loose
and won't move his boots
i give em a good kick in the ass