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View Full Version : Flash fiction story - "Poor Charlie"



J_Hutton
January 31st, 2011, 12:27 AM
Hi again everybody. I would appreciate your thoughts on this piece. Regards, J.




Poor Charlie


Charlie fought for his life.
I wrestled him into my arms and squeezed my thick fingers around his fat throat.
“Sorry Charlie,” I said.
He was kicking and screaming now.
The others watched as I raised the blade. It would be their turn soon.
I forced the knife deep into his throat. Charlie fought briefly but we knew it was over. Blood splattered my face as he gurgled.
I threw his body on the pile with the others.
He was only three months old.
Life on the farm can be brutal.
Poor Charlie.

Celeste Barwick
February 4th, 2011, 08:53 PM
With only one line you dramatically changed the mood of the piece. I like the concept. It's gruesome and disturbing, but then provokes a lot of thought with that line "Life on the farm can be brutal".

I think that there's a lot of potential in this to be something even greater. Right now the power of the piece is solely on that second to last line. If you used more unique adjectives and descriptions every line could stand on its own. Maybe put your mind in the place of a murderer (of humans), and how they might feel. It would really make the end that much greater. Not that I condone murder, or anything. But, you know what I'm sayin'?