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walkbyfaith
January 25th, 2011, 12:13 PM
EUTHANASIA
Memories of A Dying Man












JANUARY 17, 2011



Anne,

A stranger told me that a dream, is the only place where a man could understand the definition, of a perfect freedom. I used to cling unto what he said. So, the moment I got home, following that 13-hour flight, I started to dream after I closed my eyes. That night was very memorable, as I had the fanciest dream of my life. I went back to my senses kissed by the mild warmth of a sun‘s ray, and that was the very morning when I believed, that the sleep I just slept, will always be my deepest, and my longest, just not after the day…….. when I saved you.


[Xavier University, September 9, 2000]



“Open the fucking gate!!! Faster old man!!”

My day was instantly ruined upon seeing my ex-girlfriend holding hands with her new found assaholic boyfriend. Well, I was a worse asshole than he is, but maybe, just maybe, the slightest of differences matters when it comes to those not-so-sought standards of ethics…


“Plangstkk!!!” the deplorable sound of a twisted metal made the bystanders scream as I wreck the rusty gate with my car. They’ll replace the rotting piece of shit anyway so I better help them decide..


“What?!!” I saw the old guard glaring before I revolted my car’s engine to it’s most deafening roar as I dash my way to my own parking space. He couldn’t do a thing anyway..


Concealed whispers were thrown at me as soon as my feet touched the university proper.. Their eyes contained such hatreds and I needed not to hear anymore. I was aware that they were already calling me names- the bastard, the hypocrite, the moron, the asshole. whatever offensive they could squeeze from their slightly used brains.


Gandhi said, that everything you do in life would soon seem insignificant, but, it’s important that you do them anyway. Yes, I took it the other way and it goes to show that I‘m only a man. I’m naïve and I’m blind. Sometimes, I let emotions take over. Sometimes, I simply forget that I am…


“You wrecked the gate, you’re not in uniform and you’re late. You can come back decently tomorrow.. By the way, are you on drugs?


My dogmatic professor who believes that he’s flawless sent me out of the room even before I got inside. Sometimes, the authority of those who teach becomes an obstacle to those who want to learn.

But thanks to Mr. Kalaw, his provocation led my footsteps into finding you, Anne.


I woke up at the rooftop of our school building. That was where I felt the most of my entity.. That was where I let my rage subside. Above, I could pretend that I really own the world. There was my sanctuary, the place where I met you..


I saw a portrait lying beside me.. A portrait of a gorgeous man sleeping..

“Who did this?


Of course, I knew that the illustrated man was me, or, I wouldn’t have called it gorgeous in the first place..


I got stoned while staring at the canvass you drew.
Anne, it was captivating, more than beautiful.
If only I wasn’t able to see inside the man you painted, then it would have been perfect. But the man you drew put the beauty into a waste, spoiling your “rabbit” signature below.


As I go downstairs, I heard two professors talking about the art-competition, and inquisitive about the painter who drew me in my sleep, I went inside the art-room. There were a lot of colors, colors that will soon change, and worst, they might vanish..


Every painting looked vivid. But only one caught my attention, the flower, the river, the mother, and everything else looked abstract. It was painted with such unique strokes by “the rabbit.”


“So here’s the fagot who drew me.


I secretly wished for your win. It wasn’t because I wanted you to be happy, I just wanted to see for myself if you really look like a hare. Seriously.


The roll of the percussions begun to ignite the spectators’ adrenalines while we wait for the announcement of the best painter-student.


“The winner of our 67th art fest is, the rabbit, Ms. Annetoneth Ho! Congratulations!”

I was frozen in disbelief by the moment I had a glimpse of you smiling as you take your way upstage. I never believed that angels are real until I saw you. You must be hiding your wings somewhere behind your dazzling smile.


You looked at me. I was the furthest from you inside that hall, but still, you looked at me..


I fell in love with you and I knew, your heart is not like any other rusty gate that I could crush.

“Yes Ms. Ho, I fell in love with you.”


We had our moments after that day. It was a ride worth riding as we pass thru all of those life-sceneries. I remembered the colors of the art-room and I saw myself slowly changing because of you..


“Will you choose to live with me like this forever? We‘re different and I hope I don‘t make you feel restrained.” you asked me once.

“I will. I will never look back.. You, you‘re my only reason. Without you, I‘m gone. When you came I had enough of everything, every will to believe that I could change.”
the words of my manly answer..


And we made love. We kissed one another’s lips. I held your body so close to mine. We were one. We lost ourselves in the depth of that euphoria. I felt the warmth of your breath. We burnt ourselves with passion as I explore your body the moment you explored mine. We made love, a memorable one, worthy of changing me, worthy of memories


Two years after, we broke up.. It was supposed to be the last quarter of our four collegiate years.


Mr. Ho, your father was to send you abroad.. It was after he learned about our relationship. I couldn’t blame him. He used to own the once most powerful company in the country until my dad begun to make a name of his own.

I was reckless when I said that it was his envy that will send you away. We parted ways.


The day before your flight, I couldn’t find you.. I surveyed every corner of our school and not even your shadow was found. I thought you already left until I learned from a friend, that you were so drunk, out-your-self, partying on a nearby bar, slowly losing control.

I was enraged. You were with that asshole who made a mess out of my ex-girlfriend.
“I will never let it happen again. Not to you, you’re different and you don’t deserve that kind of treatment.” as I drive rushing to save you.

I reached the place and saw that these guys were already carrying you like a wasted bitch ready to get bitten inside their van. There were four of them and you had no idea what was happening. I tried to save you. I tried. Believe me. I fought for you wanting to be the man who’ll carry you home safely. I wanted to put you to bed, to change your clothes and cleanse your body to give you comfort.. I did everything. I bled for you..




[December 27, 2004 Laguna]



Anne,


I failed to finish my studies. My family ran out of resources. I was told that it was a feat of sacrifice to save me from dying. They simply threw away everything to save my worthless breaths. But, I didn’t know I was dying. How?

I couldn’t remember anything. I tried but I was clueless and lost. I knew nothing, not even my name. I don’t even know, why the man I saw in the hospital cried, while calling me his son by the moment I woke up. I don’t know why I was there.


With nothing to eat and no money to spare, I was forced to work as a janitor. My legs and thighs turned into brawns. My arms have gotten a lot bigger and my chest looked burlier. All of these changes, just because of my hard work, because I sweat really hard for food.


I pedal my way kilometers afar just to attend my job. I need to work. My old bicycle knows how hard it is when someone’s hungry cause he too couldn't roll..


From the lobby up to the 12th floor of Ho Heights, I worked, sweated and bled. I mopped the floor, I carried stuffs from places to places while being enslaved by different people.. It was hard and it gotten worse when I learned that in life, most of them only care about what you have rather than who you are. It was only my need to survive that kept me going…


I was watering the garden when I learned that the owner’s daughter was about to arrived. I’ve never seen the owner so I couldn’t tell how his daughter might look. I was told by the supervisor that I must clean the place perfectly and make it look better than he could ever imagine.


It’ was almost dusk when I saw a white car approaching its way between the closed gates..


The guard wasn’t there and I was the one standing the closest.

TOOOOTTT!!!!! TOOOOTT!!!! the sound of a raging horn called for me to open the gates and so I complied only to get humiliated by the enraged shouting of its driver.


“Open the fucking gates!! Faster moron!” the driver told me and so I responded with my dignity out of sight.

The white car had its way and a red car tailing behind soon followed.


From the white car, came out was a very decently clothed man.. Maybe he has the right to treat me like a dog after all.. From his looks, you may conclude a large amount of wealth that lies behind his unknown name.


My duty was almost over and I was about to pack my things when I saw this lovely lady emerging from the second car.. Confetti begun hailing the place as everyone shouts to welcome this girl named Annetoneth, the company‘s owner‘s daughter.


“Welcome Anne!!” As the big bosses of the company kiss and hug her..
“We miss you!


I was stunned upon seeing her beautiful face but I immediately shrugged the idea off, keeping in mind that I am only one of the company’s janitors.


So I packed my things and went home. My dad was ill and I sacrificed my dinner for his medicine. Still, I wasn’t sure if he really is my father. All I knew was, he’s a good man who provided me with a comfortable shelter.


The next day seemed ordinary. I was inside the elevator carrying a pail and a mop to clean the 8th floor when the door opened, and there, appeared was the most angelic face I’ve ever seen. It reminded me that angels are real, something I know I had learned from the past.


I couldn’t move and so was she. I was stunned and so was she. The elevator closed its doors and she was left standing there. She made me feel dirty, just too dirty that she couldn't ride an elevator with someone like me. It was my incompetence, it was our difference..


More days followed and I was about to resign.. I decided to work on my papers to find a better fortune abroad. I was to chase a dream. It wasn’t a secret to anyone that dollars would suite me better.


I had a week left, just a week left.

What made me wonder within those days were the owner’s daughter’s stares every time I would pass by her, every time I do something filthy as their janitor. She was always watching me and it made me feel really belittled. I always feel being watched whenever she's around..


One time, I was resting while staring at one of the cars when she saw me sitting down outside.

“Kyle……” she murmured behind me.

How come an elite like her knew my name? I was confused.

"Ma’am? I‘m sorry for being lazy… I just felt like I needed a breather.” I hesitantly told her.

“No, no, it’s fine. I just wanted to make sure… “ she gently responded.

“Make sure of what?” I asked with curiosity

“Your name…” she sadly whispered.

“But how?” I was really intrigued as I look into her teary eyes.

She pointed at the name stitched on my smelly uniform before she walked away with faint sobs she thought I didn’t hear.


That night, I went home and found my dad dying… I was to take him in the hospital when he stopped me.. He told me that it was his time and he’d feel glad to embrace his long-sought rest..

Before he said his last goodbye, he handed me an old case he hid under his bed. I was in tears. I cried and cried until my tears went all dried up.. I wept like I had never wept before..

I had almost forgotten about that dusty case he had given me after me and some neighbors walked him to his final rest.. I got home and opened the case.. Inside was my previous I.D‘s., some papers and a cellphone.

Xavier University, Kyle Villarente… September 12, 1990.. Son of Mr and Mrs. Charles Viallrente… I never thought that I studied there before.. Why didn’t dad tell me?


I opened the cellphone to check all the files inside and saw a video taken merely 3 years ago as suggested by the date….


It was me.. It was definitely me and four guys were savagely hitting me with their knuckles! I was in a fight. I was taking a beating and there was blood all over me… One guy brought up a gun and aimed it right on my head before this girl… no.. the girl… the girl…..pushed him….. The girl was….. Annetoneth Ho……. The girl was you…How could I forget? How?

“BANG!!” a bullet hit me, slicing thru the temple right before the policemen arrived…

How could I forget?? I was getting all confused.

Sirens inundated the place as medics were seen rushing me into a nearby hospital….It was when I remembered.


But it was too late. It’ll only complicate my future plans as I was about to leave the next day…..


Flight number 528...all passengers proceed to your designated areas now…


I made up my mind. I’m leaving. I wanted rebuild my long lost entity.

I sat inside the aircraft only to learn that you were there…..sitting comfortly beside me..I cried… I cried and you needed no explanations… We both cried.. Both of our hearts filled with joy.. We kissed. I held your hands. I looked into your eyes. I love you.. I told you I love you… I remembered. I love you…I just cried while giggling.. I was, insane with the thought of having you again beside me… We held and embraced one another tightly until that one last tragic disaster….



[January 17, 2011]


I hear a woman sobbing beside me. I want to comfort her but I just can’t move my body. I heard her cry so many times but her sadness had never expressed a deeper melancholy than this..


I heard someone uttered euthanasia…perhaps, it’s the doctor.


“The same stranger told me that as a man dies, scenes of his life are flashing just like a movie in his consciousness- the story of how you touched other people‘s lives and the story of how they touched yours…One thing‘s for sure, one’s fingerprint will never be erased once he touches the life of another.”


Anne, before that plane crashed, I was really satisfied to remember that I was able to touch yours….
I’ve been sleeping for years and I understand that you’re now giving up…


Baby, here’s my last wish… Just let me drop this letter in a post that I will find somewhere in my dream.


I love you…


The Rabbit,
Kyle Villarente

xxaznvanxx
May 29th, 2013, 07:38 AM
A stranger told me that a dream, is the only place where a man could understand the definition, of a perfect freedom.
Remove the comma between dream and is. You don't need one there.

xxaznvanxx
May 29th, 2013, 07:56 AM
I enjoy reading this. Its interesting.

escorial
June 1st, 2013, 09:06 PM
After reading this i felt the similarities with ,"five people you meet in heaven."...i enjoyed the way you move from one place to another..enjoyed