PDA

View Full Version : Dark Mysterious Lady : a short story



Narnian
January 18th, 2011, 10:06 PM
One night a young man who was known to be a busybody saw a raven-haired woman with blue eyes and wore a black dress, now this woman looke like she was sad so the young man thought "Wonder what is wrong with her." So the young man came up to her and asked " Are you alright" the woman looked at him with her blue eye and replied" please i want to be alone." and with that she started walking. The young man though " there is something about i must find out."

The young man followed the woman thinking to himself "she is hiding something i will findout". He came up to her and grabbed her hand and asked "Please tell me if i can help or something" she repiled " I told you to leave me alone and you can't help me." she look around as if some one was watching her and she said now go before its to late." The woman left , leaving the young man in his thoughts " she must be in trouble or she has an abusive husband , i must help her." he paused and thought boy she is lovely isn't she ".

The young man followed the young woman down an ally he finally got up with her and grabbed her hand and said "that it i am going to help " the woman turned and said in a sad tone "oh you fool , i am the one dosen't need help you do". All of a sudden the young man felt fangs go into his neck and he felt his life drained out of and as he fell he saw the woman looking at him with tears going down her cheeks she said " I warned you and warned you but you did not listen and now i am in torment at having taking a life again." she paused then said in a sad voice " this is my curse of being a vampire i can't help it oh at least you tried to help but it cost you your life" and with that she disappered into mist. The young man as he laid there bleeding he thought " Well i found out what was wrong with her and i tried " he paused and thought " i have no regrets i saw a beautiful lady a dark mysterious lady". and with that thouht the young man drifted in to darkness.

this is the short story i wrote in hight school i have altered it a bit but i have created a character out of the vampire her name is Mary but she will be slightly different to the original, so what do you guys think about it and let me know if i need to do some changes in the near future enjoy.

oarfish
January 18th, 2011, 11:41 PM
One night a young man who was known to be a busybody, saw a raven-haired woman with blue eyes and who wore a black dress. Now this woman looked like she was sad, so the young man thought, "I Wonder what is wrong with her." So the young man came up to her and asked, " Are you alright?" The woman looked at him with her blue eyes and replied, "Please, I want to be alone." With that, she started walking. The young man thought, " There is something about i must find out."

The young man followed the woman, thinking to himself, "She is hiding something I will find out". He came up to her and grabbed her hand and asked, "Please tell me if i can help or something." She replied, " I told you to leave me alone, and you can't help me." She looked around, as if someone was watching her, and she said, "Now go, before its too late." The woman left, leaving the young man in his thoughts. "She must be in trouble, or she has an abusive husband (how do you know this?), I must help her." He paused and thought, "Boy, she is lovely, isn't she."

The young man followed the young woman down an ally. He finally got up with her and grabbed her hand and said, "That is it, I am going to help." The woman turned and said in a sad tone, "Oh, you fool, I am the one doesn't need help, you do." All of a sudden, the young man felt fangs go into his neck, and he felt his life drained out of him, and as he fell, he saw the woman looking at him with tears going down her cheeks. She said, " I warned you and warned you, but you did not listen, and now I am in torment at having taking a life again." Then shr paused then said in a sad voice, "This is my curse of being a vampire, I can't help it. Oh, at least you tried to help, but it cost you your life."With that, she disappeared into mist. The young man, as he lay there bleeding, thought, "Well, I found out what was wrong with her, and tried." He paused and thought, "I have no regrets, I saw a beautiful lady, a dark, mysterious lady." With that thought, the young man drifted into darkness.

this is the short story i wrote in hight school i have altered it a bit but i have created a character out of the vampire her name is Mary but she will be slightly different to the original, so what do you guys think about it and let me know if i need to do some changes in the near future enjoy.

Well, I have highlighted some typos and grammatical mistakes, but the story was quite intrueging. I did not expect what happened, and I would like to read more of it.

Zer0
January 19th, 2011, 02:49 AM
Quite good. Like oarfish, i didn't expect that.

"Well i found out what was wrong with her and i tried" - that bit made me laugh, but i'm not sure if this is a comedy or a thriller?

MrDeadman
January 19th, 2011, 06:26 PM
So much for trying to help someone. Lesson learned. If you see a woman in trouble, don't help. She'll only end up biting you in the end.

InsanityStrickenWriter
January 19th, 2011, 06:30 PM
Aha! So the next time I help someone, I must bite them before they bite me! :D

Narnian
January 19th, 2011, 07:36 PM
hey thanks, and yeah that last line he said was funny , the story is a thriller but it had a little bit of comedy. and the lesson is be carful when you help some one you might be the one that needs help