View Full Version : The Thirteenth floor

January 11th, 2011, 09:10 AM
Came up with an interesting snippet after watching the movie "23". Was wondering if you all think it worth pursuing? I'm not a horror writer; in fact, I suck at writing horror.:salut:

He checked into the hotel and walked to the elevator as he had done so many times in so many hotels in so many places. His suitcase rolled up behind him like an obedient dog, his hand firmly gripping the extended handle.
His room what was on the 15th floor, number 1508.
Scanning over the buttons on the elevator he noticed that the number 13 was missing. It was common practice for hotels not to have a 13th floor as this was considered unlucky, an evil number. In order to pacify superstitious tenants, they skipped the 13th floor and renumbered it the 14th floor. Any one staying on the 14th floor was actually on the physical 13th floor. It had just been renumbered 14. He chuckled at the thought, as he was not the superstitious type.
Later in the evening, after tiring of watching the television set, he decided to get a little exercise and go down to the hotel gym. Instead of taking the elevator, he chose to take the stairs down to the lobby. His running shoes squeaked on the concrete stairs as he descended. The door to his floor slammed with a thunderous clap behind him, startling him somewhat.
He began a slow jog in order to increase his heart rate, and began counting aloud the floors as he passed them. “Fourteen, thirteen, twelve,…” and he stopped.
“Thirteen…” he turned around. Slowly he made his way back up the stairs, until he came to the 13th floor. “This shouldn’t be here,” he said to himself. He grabbed the straight door handle and attempted to open the door. It was locked.
Something wasn’t right. How can there be a 13th floor, yet not have the 13th floor button on the elevator? He wondered what was on the other side of the door.

January 11th, 2011, 02:12 PM
First, this is a introduction to your story, but there is no way to judge on what it is about.

A summary posting about the "book," or a prologue, something that is based around your plot is what you would have to post in order to get a proper response. This is what you are asking. As for what you posted, I can make a guess on what your plot is about, and it has already been done. A movie I think called, "13" staring tom hanks I believe did this. However, there is no way to know this for sure, without getting a summary. What you posted is a writing introduction, a small excerpt of a chapter.

January 11th, 2011, 06:15 PM
I immediately thought of 1408—the short written by Stephen King and the movie starring John Cusack (my favorite). Loved 23. Haven't seen 13.

As they say, everything (the basic gist) has already been written. Please be careful to make yours original.

January 11th, 2011, 06:21 PM
Hmmm, can't really judge it unless we have an idea of what is behind the door. It could be happy magical elves for all we know :)

January 11th, 2011, 06:33 PM
Too short bro. a little wore out as a writing idea, unless you get creative with this, and i mean a crap load of creative. :) not bad writing structure though.

Bilston Blue
January 11th, 2011, 07:47 PM
I immediately thought of 1408—the short written by Stephen King.

Unfortunately I concur with the others, Stephen King's 1408 leapt into my mind upon reading your title. I suppose it depends on where you eventually take this, but, as the others say, you need to make it original and inventive.

January 11th, 2011, 07:58 PM
Ah I looked up 1408 that was what I meant. Thought it was called 13 for some reason. Yes, a favorite of mine as well.

January 11th, 2011, 10:31 PM
researched quick online...this reads nothing like any of the stories (the number 23, 1408, Thirteen, 13(the movie)) I'll work a bit on it and ask your advice again later. How many words do you want?

January 11th, 2011, 11:41 PM
It matters on your style. If you just want plot-based critique then, "A summary" would do. A summary is pretty much like a synopsis, you know when you pick a book and read the synopsis? It's what a lot consider the most important part of publishing a novel. It's a small outline of pretty much what the hell your book is about. Or a "Prologue" if your book has one would work as well. Prologues are used to set the tone and intro of the story, usually for background elements, why it can be used for understanding what your book is about as well.

It would take one of these. Prologue if your planning on writing one, if not, then a synopsis. This is what is used to see what the plot or elements of the story is about. Just in a "summary" case, synopsis usually are written in the sense of following a guideline for readers to understand your book. I say summary because here you aren't trying to sell anything, so just be straightforward and tell us what it is about.

Most make the mistake of judging plots based on reading excerpts or chapters, this is rubbish. I can write a full 10 chapters, just like 1408 and then in chapter 11 have aliens come into the story. There is no way for you to know, unless you read the prologue/sypnosis/summary or whatever to understand what the book is about.