View Full Version : I am requesting help.

January 5th, 2011, 11:51 AM
Hey. I'm at a spot into my story here, where I do not know how to continue. I will c/p it and then explain what is going on, and my plans.

Disclaimer: This story is purely fictional and in no way represents anyone or anything but the imagination of the author, or anyone or anything that may have helped contribute/sparked his imagination. Warning: Some language throughout the story may not be for some readers.

Blood lust was the only thing on his mind as he felt the knife being driven into the woman's body, and the suction the warm, sticky blood created as he ripped it out.

The woman was silenced after three stabs, and more than likely dead after five, but that didn't stop him. He was driven mad with the satisfaction of the feel, the texture of the blood against his skin. He knew he would be caught. He didn't give a damn, but he had to give a fight.

Wednesday, 12/14/1953.
This was detective John Steinberg's last case before retirement. He hoped It'd be like the last few he'd had. Easy. His Green cap and undershirt, his blue eyes and black mustache, and the brown shoes and blue overalls all had his colleagues thinking of getting their sink fixed, but he knew that it was just a bad day in college when that picture was taken. Steinberg was a lengthy man, almost in his forties. His complexion was that of a baby's bottom, wrinkly and wet. White, too. The jet-black hair was an accessory to the odd coolness to be seen in his face. No, it was too cool. Almost wet. Freezing.

“Wake up, fool!” said the warden. “Cell inspection. Get the hell out of here and into the lineup!” I did so, grumbling as I wiped the water off my face and onto the dirty orange jumpsuit. The warden was obsessed with checking the cells every day, after every meal. It made me sick, and I had missed breakfast.


So that's it. You may be thinking that these are non-related sections. Well, they are entirely related. Basically the person the murdered his wife is the same as the prisoner. They are entirely the same person. The prisoner is reliving what got him into prison though his dreams, thus the murder. I'm not entirely sure what to do with the detective part, but my Idea is that he's also going through his own rendition of what the detective went through to catch him in his dream. At the end of the story is when I want to blow the reader's mind and make them fully realize that all three mini-stories are the same person. I've got writer's block and do not know how to go on from the point that I'm at. Mind you, I can only write more on the murder or detective parts untill the prisoner goes to sleep. Help me please.

P.S. Feel free to bash this story, but if you do so, give constructive criticism and tell me how to improve. Please don't rip off any part of this. By the way, cookies to whomever can correctly point out all the references to outside things in this. I plan to put more. a LOT more. So Ideas on that would be helpful as well. Thanks in advance!


January 5th, 2011, 04:52 PM
That's a pretty different kind of plot. One thing I think would be important is making clear the shifts in perspective, because the prison part right after the detective part was a bit sudden. As for how to go on, maybe a good idea is to emphasize the detective's story as it looks like there's more to be fleshed out there.

If you're doing a "realization" at the end, I'd premeditate it, come up with something that has a lot of impact. Maybe when the imaginary detective makes the capture, himself catching himself essentially, it's figurative to a realization in prison that he was actually in the wrong to murder his wife. Something like that. Good luck :).

January 5th, 2011, 11:33 PM
I would suggest not being overly preoccupied with the structure and delivery of the style first... It's important, yes, but I would say that it's more important for you to have the plotline (or plotlines, being all three of them) figured out in their entirety, and then figure out how to represent them all together, in a logically consistent and dramatically suitable manner.

Know what I think would be really interesting?

Have the story told from three perspectives, as you're doing, but:
1) the story that describes events briefly prior to, during, and up until a certain cliffhanger point after the murder of the woman. Perhaps as he's on the run, and as the police pursue him.
2) the story of the prisoner and his experiences in jail, and perhaps an escape attempt? Also, maybe he has some kind of schizophrenic delusions? Or, he seems to be delusional, because he's always talking about his kids, and how he has to escape and make things right, but they keep drugging him.
3) the story of the detective and his last case (though it isn't because he's retiring; but leave that part out), and how he's pursuing this serial killer that's suspected to be highly intelligent, has been operating for years, etc., etc., etc., and this serial killer somehow coerces the detective into killing his wife. The reader has been lead up until that point to believe that the killer that's in jail and that's killing the detective's wife (perhaps it isn't even revealed that it's the detective's wife until the end, as it's happening in this perspective) is the serial killer the detective is trying to catch. The mind-blowing twist is that the detective and the killer are the same person; the real serial killer has gone free.

Motives for the detective taking the fall for the real serial killer (and remaining quiet)?
Potentially the serial killer is the detective's son, or some other important relative; maybe even brother. This could be withheld until near the end. Or, the serial killer could capture the detective's kids, and force him to kill his wife in order to inflict the ultimate hurt on him for causing all the trouble to his murderous operation, and confess to all the murders, or else the killer would go after the kids. Perhaps in the opening scene, the killer could whisper to the woman, "I'm so sorry" and then kiss her?

I'm just shooting off ideas here. What do you think?

Also: I would suggest having these stories not represented in various scene-changes, but, rather, one after the other, and in the presented order... each representation of the story would show the reader something that would lead them to believe a certain thing, and the end of the last part would make them realize that their entire assessment was wrong because the perspective was skewed.

January 6th, 2011, 05:46 AM
Hmm. Well the point of the story is kind of to have the sudden shifts, though now that I think more about it, it might be somewhat obvious after so long of shifting. And maybe you're right about what I should be focusing on more. Though I generally prefer to come up with things as I go along, I do need an Idea of what I exactly want going on and when and how.

@TylerEvans: I'm liking from #2 on, and I'm not quite sure what you're saying on point #1. I'm trying my best to write in the (hopefully) seemingly random scene shifts, though I may need to reconstitute the story into the way you suggested under 'Also' , because I may screw up and make things too obvious to the reader.

Thanks for the luck and help! Keep these coming, please! I'll try to work on the story tonight and may edit what I come up with into my original post tonight, but probably will tomorrow.

Sorry guys! I've been somewhat busy and haven't gotten around to working on the story >_< Don't hate me please, lol.


P.S. @fleamailman What's with the third person? Just wondering.