View Full Version : The Tales of Uncle Cracker: Short Story/Comedy 780 Words

December 28th, 2010, 07:15 AM
Something I wrote for fun. Having problems getting used to third person tense so thought i'd take a break and write something that is more natural for me. Just posting for anyone to enjoy, feel free to comment if you would like.

Dialogue type of story: A story within a story.
The Tales of Uncle Cracker: Short Story/Comedy "800 words” A Dialogue Story.

(""") <---Pretains to a basic quote that deals with the MC main story.
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“Tell us another story grandpa!” the children were happy to see me.
“Now, Now children, calm your britches” I told them.
“Aint it time for bed?”
“No, No, we got time.” One of them said.
“Well alright then, hmm, another story huh?”
“Well, I got something for ya.”

The children all hurdled around me as I began my story.

"""Long ago, this was a time when even your papas weren't around. I was walking alongside a road one day, just a normal day—nothing strange about. I was on my way to see Mr. Taylor, to get me one of them fancy hair dos. I remember some fine tobacco, boy I miss that pipe. Well anyway, I was walking along and passed this strange woman. She beckoned, I dunno why, I don’t even know why I went, but I did. I looked down at the strange woman, she told she was a fortune teller—one of them gypsies ya know? I remember hearing about them from movies, so it excited me. She asked for some money, I don’t remember how much, but I gave it to her. She asked for my palm, so I gave it. She did all the hocus pocus mumbo jumbo, and then she told me that a great man would come and solve all my problems. Well, at first I didn’t know what to think about it, a great man I thought, like a prophet? She nodded at me and smiled. I tipped the woman and went about my business for the day, not really thinkin about what she said.

One day I heard a knockin. I walked to the door, there a man stood before me. He held a book in his hand, nothing strange there. He wore some normal clothes, nothing strange there either. He had a nice slick haircut, now that was damn strange, but I didn’t dwell on it—boy I wish I had.
“Who are you?” I asked,

The man replied with a twinkle in his eye, “I’ve come to save ya sir.”

Boy, I was about to send my boot up this man’s behind, but then I remembered, that gypsy and the prophecy she gave me about a great man who would solve all my problems. Boy I was stoked, “Come in, Come in” I told the man. He walked in and immediately looked about. He handed me some thick book, I wondered what the hell it was. I looked down it said holy bible. The man went on to tell me about a great story regarding some hippie who smoked too much pot."""

“Wow Grandpa, ya never heard of the bible” one the boys interrupted me.
“What?! What?! You got frog in them ears? What the hell I just say boy? Pay attention!”
“Where the hell was I? Oh yeah. Anyway”

"""This man story was about some superhero that got people drunk with his blood. What the hell I thought, how does some dead hippie help me? Then he told me how great of a man I was, nothing strange there. I reckon I like this man now. He asked me for a contribution, I didn’t what the hell that word was, but I said okay. Later I found out it meant money, boy I was pissed. But I remembered what the gypsy said so I wrote the man a check, he cashed it and I awaited my miracle. Aint shi* happen.

Another day came about, I heard a knockin. I went and answered it, there that man stood once again, bible in hand. I let him in, wanted to beat the man, but I didn’t. I got some water for the two of us, and we talked some more. He went on about some stories regarding a fishing trip or something. I didn’t really care to listen; I only wanted to know where the hell my miracle was. The man finished and smiled. And boy here I thought, this was it—ids get my miracle this time."""

"Hold on little ones, let me get my pipe." I reached down and got my pipe, lighting it up, smoke blew from the tip.
“But you know what happen?” I said to the boys.
“What happened?” One of them replied.
“This man asked for more money.”
“He sure did, I swear ith before my tobacco that he did.”

"""I looked at that man, didn’t say a word. Got up, told him to wait a second. Called the sheriff, told him I was being robbed. Few minutes passed, heard the sheriff siren. I went and opened the door the sheriff and deputy came on in. Told him what was going on, pointed to the thief, and they arrested the man on sight. I waved to him as he took a gander at me, tied and shackled."""

“Wow grandpa you got the priest arrested?” The boy interrupted me again.
“Sure did aint no damn priest, just another word for thief!” I exclaimed.
“Wasn’t he a prophet sent by god?”
“What the hell boy?! You still believe in the tooth fairy too?”
“Now get to bed!”
"All of ya!"

They whined as they got up running out the door. I just sat and smoked my pipe. "Damn I miss that pipe."