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debideb
December 23rd, 2010, 06:13 PM
Hello dear freinds and critics! My novel is done and I am in the process of doing the 5th editing pass. I have a synopsis and would like your thoughts. I have had a few bites from agents, of course have not heard back as of yet but am wondering if it could be stronger. Any thoughts or ideas would be so appreciated! Thanks and :santa:Happy Holidays:santa: to all!

There is a new kind of war being fought, a war without end. It began centuries ago when the rapture of two strangers damned creation, still hidden in today’s forests of Nova Scotia, until now. Jaded Waters brings to you an epic tale told from the life of a young woman forsaken by the ones she loves. She quickly discovers shifting into the most impressive Wiccan in all the lands proves too much to handle as entanglements of her past slowly unwind reveling betrayals of friends and family.


Elizabeth Boudreau is only seventeen years old, surrounded by family dating back to the tenth century which continues to share today’s world. Weeks before Elizabeth's shifts, taking into her the elements of the earth; bodies emerge torn to shreds not leaving enough evidence to uncover if they were innocent souls or creations of the condemned, the vampires. Folk legends once thought to live only in story books, come to life unleashing havoc on this previously peaceful place. Elizabeth finds herself torn between destiny, Reese a Lord in the house of the vampires and her family. Will the past repeat itself by bringing two people from completely different universes together or can she do what is expected of her, kill the one man she surrenders her heart to? Life will never be the same as they rewrite history, on page at a time.

Sapphire-Rayne
December 23rd, 2010, 06:30 PM
Ooooo! This sounds really good! I really like it, and have only 1 thing I would consider switching around, just to taste it's flavor~

How about: There is a new kind of war being fought, a war without end. It began centuries ago when the rapture of two strangers damned creation, still hidden in today’s forests of Nova Scotia, until now.

Elizabeth Boudreau is only seventeen years old, surrounded by family dating back to the tenth century which continues to share today’s world. Weeks before Elizabeth's shifts, taking into her the elements of the earth; bodies emerge torn to shreds not leaving enough evidence to uncover if they were innocent souls or creations of the condemned, the vampires. Folk legends once thought to live only in story books, come to life unleashing havoc on this previously peaceful place. Elizabeth finds herself torn between destiny, Reese a Lord in the house of the vampires and her family. Will the past repeat itself by bringing two people from completely different universes together or can she do what is expected of her, kill the one man she surrenders her heart to? Life will never be the same as they rewrite history, on page at a time.


Jaded Waters brings to you an epic tale told from the life of a young woman forsaken by the ones she loves. She quickly discovers shifting into the most impressive Wiccan in all the lands proves too much to handle as entanglements of her past slowly unwind reveling betrayals of friends and family.

I think by clarifying who Elizabeth is, and what her shift is about first leads into the thicket of the story with less confusion. ^_^ Great piece of work!

debideb
December 23rd, 2010, 07:01 PM
Thank you so very much! Your change does read better, helping to intrigue the reading into wanting more! Again, many thanks and Happy Holiday!

Sapphire-Rayne
December 23rd, 2010, 07:29 PM
You're welcome! And happy holidays~ =)

Prog_Bassist
December 28th, 2010, 07:41 AM
That's funny, I'm in Nova Scotia and I never came across anything like that! X\'D

I'm just joshin, novel seems pretty interesting.

Olly Buckle
December 28th, 2010, 09:48 AM
unwind reveling betrayals of friends and family.revealing (or just possibly revelling, but I don't think so)


still hidden in today’s forests of Nova Scotia, until now. As it stands this is a contradiction, you could simply lose the "still" or replace it with "long" or something similar.