View Full Version : The Shadow Of The Secret

December 16th, 2010, 08:53 PM
Hey Guys!

I'm new to the online writing community but would love some feedback on some of the first chapter of my novels.

I'll be more than happy to read/comment on anything you have written.


Copyright L Mollon 2010


The taxi pulled up at the corner of the street. I couldn’t hold back a sigh, I just wanted to go home to bed after the day I‘d had, why was he stopping this far away.

‘My flat is a little further up the street, number 17,’ I told the small, elderly driver.

‘I’m well aware of what number you told me, but there’s all sorts of havoc up the road, not a chance of getting my cab up there my love,’ he replied loudly, whilst eyeing me heavily in the rear view mirror.

I passed him a some money and pulled myself towards the door. That’s when I saw it, havoc had been a huge underestimation, this was pandemonium.

There were 3 fire engines, several police cars and a hell of a lot of people. I quickened my pace and as I passed the corner, I was frozen to the spot.


The flames were huge and angry as they lashed the full height of the 4 storey building, my apartment building.


Something clicked and my body couldn’t move fast enough, I had to get closer. My brain screamed furiously at me to stop as my legs built up speed that would have made an Olympic athlete proud, my body always seemed to overrule my head. I pushed passed people as swiftly as I could, trying not to attract too much attention to myself, but my body pulled me frantically towards the inferno that burned rapidly before my eyes. I reached the last of the line of police cars that were acting as a blockade to keep everyone at a fair distance. I watched the hectic movement of police officers, firemen and the paramedics around the stretch of vehicles, it shouldn’t be hard to slip past unnoticed.

As I took a gentle calculated step forward, a hand grasped my shoulder.



I turned around to face Cally, my next door neighbour, she looked awful. Honestly she did, I’m not a naturally nasty person. Her hair looked like it had been backcombed and her patchy red eyes made her normal immaculate face look old and tired.

‘What’s wrong?’ I gasped, but I already knew. Casper, her 3 year old son.

‘I can’t find him, I was….I….Sofia’ the look on her face made my stomach drop, like when you realise the worst possible thing that you can imagine, is in fact happening at that very moment.

‘Tell them!’ I screamed over the noise, pointing at the groups of emergency service figures.

‘I…….did….but……I’ she stuttered, tears poured down her cheeks, adding more wet stains to the top of her pink shirt.

I pushed past her and grabbed the first uniformed person I could find.

‘Listen, there could be a little boy in there!’ I screamed at the small dark haired woman, who stared up at me with dark puppy dog eyes, no emotion showed in her gaze. Great, the one person I grabbed for help was a scared, child sized and emotionally vacant.

I ran past her, and grabbed a tall man, well over six foot with very little hair that I could see.

‘Excuse me, I need your help, there could be a little boy in that building!’

The officer turned, horror washed across his blackened face, as if he’d been the first on site and tried to empty the building single handed. I followed his gaze as he flicked a quick scan of the burning building. As he turned back towards me, I heard screams and rushes of movement.

Firemen streamed from the massive front doors of the building, they were all screaming and shouting and making arm gestures. They were running, and fast. My heart ricocheted around my chest as I realised what was going to happen.

The first line of men pushed me back, so hard that I fell behind the side of the police. I could feel the bodies rushing past me as I sat curled against the car.

As I pulled myself up, something caught my eye.

At that moment it felt like my heart had stopped dead in my chest, I felt the blood drain from my face. My mind screamed at me, so hard it felt as if my head would explode.

I was barely aware of the screaming and shouting that boomed from behind me as I ran flat out towards the steps of the building, where Casper sat huddled in a ball next to the stairs, clutching his teddy.

It was almost a physical slap from the heat as I got within burning distance, I staggered as my body almost refused to get any closer, but Casper was still a good few feet away.

A huge crash echoed from the hallway, I sprinted forward and saw the absolute fear etched across his face.

As I leant down to pick up Casper a booming echoed from the structure, and at that moment my body took over. I took two steps towards the building, I was subconsciously aware that Casper was crawling away from the flames.

I felt the floor rumble and shake under my feet, I flicked a glance towards Casper and the fleeing crowds.

Oh God.


Fire and shrapnel suddenly exploded from every window and door before me. It felt as though I was out of my body watching myself.

Shit. I’m going to die.

I raised my arms up, acting as a shield in front of Casper, as if I could protect him. Human versus fire, my odds weren’t looking good.

That’s when it happened.

It was if my fingers were covered in glitter, the shimmer began to move and stretch out of my fingertips. I heard a huge gasp, and I realised it was me. When I looked back at the glitter/shimmer, it was already covering most of the front of the building. Like a glittering pane of glass.

My mind couldn’t figure out what I was doing, but I knew I couldn’t move. The explosion hit me with more force than a small bomb, but my glittery shield and I didn’t waver, I could feel the heat and sheer force, but I just wasn’t affected.

Breathe, just breathe. My mind whispered to me, like I was dreaming. Was I?


I sat up, as if I’d been shocked awake, gasping for breath. I looked around to see Cally’s face, absolute confusion and fear showed in every inch of her face. Casper was huddled in her arms, staring at me with big eyes, not a drop of anxiety showed.

The building was barely on fire, a couple of small flames, but no where near what it had been a minute ago.

Then I remembered my glittery fingertips. I looked at my hands, they looked just like they usually did.

Move, you need to move. The voice in my head told me gently.

I pushed up from the gravelled street, and staggered to my feet. Disorientated didn’t cover how I felt, in fact I felt amazing but something felt tired, just not my mind or body.

The site that met me was chilling. Hundreds of people stood absolutely still, watching me with looks of horror, shock, terror, confusion, and they were only the ones I could see. Cally moved slowly back towards the terrified crowd, grasping Casper to her like she thought I might snatch him away.

Leave. Leave now. My mind told me harshly.

I grabbed my bag and ran.

All I knew is that I had to get away from my ruined flat, and the hundreds of people I’d just saved.

I think.

Bilston Blue
December 16th, 2010, 10:20 PM
I've just read the chapter and as I'm in my sick bed with man-flu I don't have the energy to critique it. What I will say though is that it grabbed me, intrigued me, and I damn well want to know what happened just there. I would read on if it were available. Thumbs up.