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BrandonTheWriter
December 13th, 2010, 05:54 PM
21st Of December 2012

It was the 20th of December 2012, I was just sat there on my computer chair rocking backwards and forwards. I looked up at the clock and it was 11:30. 30 minutes and it was supposed to be the end of time, I spun back round to my computer screen and searched “2012 Last Few Moments”, I believe in this phenomena and I had no idea what to do with my last few moments, my last 30 minutes on Earth, it’s amazing I looked back up at the clock already 5 minutes had passed. I said to myself “Whoa…5 minutes already how come when you don’t want time to fly by it does. I walked downstairs and switched on the TV every channel I switched to it had something about tomorrow CNN,NBC,BBC News you name it every channel even comedy central was showing a show about this. I switched to BBC News and they was predicting what was going to happen in 20 minutes time, I went in the kitchen and switched on the kettle as it was boiling I kind of teared up a little, thinking about that it is going to be the end of time in 19 minutes and this may be the last drink I ever had, the phone rang it was my mum and she said she was coming to mine and was nearly there she wanted to spend her last moments with me, also all our friends and family all came over, 5 minutes late they arrived we all sat down in the living room and prayed none of us believed in God but at a moment like this everyone prays we all prayed, my mother stood up and said “I just want you to all know what ever happens I love you all, and I will protect you all if we are going to die we will die together. There was a countdown on BBC news nine minutes to go it said, the producer started speaking “The end of time will come in approximately 8 minutes if this tragic disaster comes true I love you all” we all went in to tears and continued praying just praying and praying that it wouldn’t happen. It was getting closer to the moment my hands started shaking and I was staring out of the window I saw some people also in their houses just praying I looked across the street and saw an old couple they waved and I waved back, I heard the man on television shout 1 minute to go I just sat there watching it countdown. It finished, nothing happened we all looked at each other with relief then suddenly.

A rumble shaked below our feet, we looked at each other we didn’t say anything but you could see the terror between us. The electricity cut off, screams echoed on the streets outside I looked out the window, and just I had never ever seen anything like this in my entire life, people were fleeing the streets. Obviously these people didn’t have much sense we did I told everyone to just stay still cuddle up together and keep warm, I began to gather supplies from the cupboards, I grabbed anything that would be useful First aid box, food,torch just the usual things I had been keeping all these things incase a day like this ever happened, I got some back packs out of the cupboard and passed everyone one everyone got there own individual supplies luckily as I had instinct I had enough for my whole family. We sat down in the living room and discussed what we should do. I asked around no one had any ideas, so I came up with one I said. “We should just go out there and get to a secure place than this a strong building.” So that’s what we decided to do, everyone got some clothes that would keep them warm as we stepped outside people ran up to us for help, but we couldn’t help them we had no idea what was going on, as we stepped on to the foot path we looked up the road people where running for there lifes, but what from? We looked the opposite way and in the distance a Earthquake was getting stronger and stronger. It rumbled so loud and we began to run the opposite side houses were no more and cars where smashed along the roads. We ran for some sort of help we noticed down the street the law enforcement they was helping people in to a secure building we ran up quick the man put his arm out in front of him and said “Whoa whoa watch it no old people allowed in here sorry.”
As angry as I where already I walked up to the man and asked him why he went on to explain.
“Look it’s nothing personal just that they are old already do they really need to live on, only adults and kids are allowed on no old people, you either leave your old parents behind or find somewhere else.”
I was just about to say no till my Father started speaking “Brandon. Listen Brandon just leave us behind son take Julie and the kids we want you to be safe”
“But Dad?”
“Son just go”
As I stepped threw the gates, I looked back at my Father I could see he wanted to cry in his eyes but he was holding it back I stepped in the building and the Law Enforcement man told everyone else to back off the building was full we was lucky to arrive as he closed the door I was sat on the ground with my head between my arms he sat beside me and said “Sorry…but we just can’t accept your Father And Mother in here young peoples life’s are more important” as he finished screaming I heard a big thud outside everyone fell to the ground , the building stayed in tact but I’m sure the people outside wasn’t safe I began crying the kids ran up to me “Daddy are you ok are nanny and granddad coming back soon” I wanted to say yes but I didn’t’ say either I don’t lie to my kids they were probably dead by now but I didn’t want to hurt there feelings I stood up in anger and grabbed the Law Enforcement Officer, “Because of you my Mother and Father might have died” as I went to punch him Julie held my hand back I stepped back and apologized, he also said sorry to me again “Look sir I’m sorry for your loss but at times like this we need to save younger peoples life I’m sure you’re mother and father have had a great life” I really wanted to hit him but I was mature and just backed off. He showed us to the room we was stopping in. We all sat down and sang some songs together. I just thought to myself I hope we survive threw this.

BrandonTheWriter
December 13th, 2010, 05:54 PM
I wrote this a while back, so it's not one of my best. :)

Sync
December 13th, 2010, 06:01 PM
Hello.

It's hard to go back to a piece written long ago. I dont' do that because the writer I am not is not the writer I was then, and so every wording would need change.

That said.

You need to go through this again and straighten out your tenses. They go back and forth between past and present. Normally this happens when a writer is unsure of what tense they wish to tell the story. Past is easier, as is 3rd pov. So look over this again, remember, whatever you post is a representation of you as a writer and how you wish to be perceived :)

I think 2012 will come and go, any changes will be behind the scene, away from our eyes, not planet altering, though perhaps humanity-wise it might be.

thanks for the read

Oh ps, never start your stories with.... this is not my best writing...because it should be prior to posting.



Sync

BrandonTheWriter
December 13th, 2010, 06:05 PM
Thanks for reading Sync.

And i don't usually go back to old stories, but i just wanted to post this one, I'm working on some other stories at the moment, and i will post them on here, it really helps to have people help me with my stories, it's the only way I'm going to improve.

I might re-write this again, but better worded etc... this time, and make sure i go back and check what I've written often, thanks for your feedback Sync. :)

Sync
December 13th, 2010, 06:31 PM
the thing is, in order to improve, you have to look at the work of others, critiquing is often the best way to show yourself another way to write, it defines each line better. So though 'writing' is a good step: reading and critiquing(both giving and getting and using) are the next steps you might think of taking prior to posting more.