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Diamons
December 13th, 2010, 06:57 AM
Synopsis - PREVIEW

The Eternal Sonata is an event that changes lives. Every year, people from all over the world gather to see this extraordinary event. A note of pure beauty that is undeniable by any single creature living on the planet rings off precisely at the same time every year. Many magical things happen at this time of year. People receive good luck, heightened senses, become cured of diseases, and more. Meet Tyler, a boy who was granted special powers last year through the Eternal Sonata.

His powers are mutating, and he is unable to control them. His Phoenix mode begins to warp and take over who he is. Once a soft charming young boy who was the envy of all the girls in school, Tyler begins to lose himself to his abilities as they manifest in a way which ultimately leads him on a mission to put an end to humanity.

Follow the fall of Tyler and his quest to regain control of himself and his identity.

Live the life of Gary, determined to become a hero in the crumbling world around him by putting an end to tyranny. The Destiny Realm calls him to put a stop to Tyler and his tyrannical rage through any means necessary.

This is the ultimate story of good vs evil. The world needs a hero. There are no heroes.


The fire crackled but there was no warmth. Tyler was poised on the leather armchair with his feet in wet socks perched up. His forearm lay over the rest and his thumb was stuck between his teeth. Tyler was young and skinny; his skin complexion was a light peach and he had blond hair and blue eyes which made him the envy of all the girls in his high school.
The wind blasted across the hill in a steady rhythm of waves. It was a large luscious green hill that floated down the horizon with a gentle curve. Out of the forest atop the hill came a red headed girl with a slightly sharp nose and large brimming green eyes. She wore a short skirt hitting her thighs and long brown boots with straps snapped into silver buckles on the sides to bind them tight to her legs. She held a wooden bucket in her hand which was filled to the brim with red berries soaking in clear water which sparkled under the night sky. This she placed on the side by Tyler’s arm rest.
“There’s a gentle twinkle in your eyes on this lovely night,” whispered Tyler, looking straight into her eyes.“They call this Porths Hill,” he continued, paying no immediate attention to her subtle movements. “They call it this because this is where the famous Henry Porths held off an entire platoon for 3 days and 3 nights by himself. He wasn’t fighting to protect a town, or to make a point, or because his commander told him to. Angelica, why do you think he was fighting?”
The girl looked up into his blue eyes, debating whether to answer or not. “I’m not sure Tyler, why was he fighting?”
“He fought for his country initially, yes. “ He looked at her, waiting for any kind of response. There was none, so he continued, “Eventually, he lost all hope. He wound up killing himself, but not before the Eternal Sonata. He made sure to hold out on this hill with one canteen of water for two weeks and waited for that Sonata.”
Angelica’s eyes locked on to Tyler’s eyes as he said these words. “What’s so special about the Eternal Sonata?”
“Woman, are you crazy? Tell me you’ve seen the Eternal Sonata before?”
“No, I haven’t..”
“Come here”, he smiled and reached out his hand. She walked over to him and he lightly brushed the hair off her shoulders. As he looked into her eyes, a low humming began to fill the air. “Close your eyes”, he whispered gently into her ears. She slowly shut her eyes and entrusted herself to him.
To him, she was the girl of his dreams. She looked after him, was trustworthy, was honest, and drama free. He had an envy far beyond just sexual for her. It was an intangible string she pulled him by day after day, which he never admitted. To him, it was a weakness that he had to live with, and he hated having weakness.
“What do you see?”, he whispered into her ears.
“Darkness,” she replied.
“That’s a start. Let it fill your mind, forget everything you know as of this moment.” As he said this, he closed his own eyes. They both stood eyes closed, with his hands on her shoulders. This lasted for a while, or a few seconds. Tyler couldn’t tell because of how fast his heart was racing. It seemed like a long while and he felt a feeling indescribable. It was a feeling of peace and sanity. Her warm body hugged against his own and he felt a bit of his humanity returning to him, for the first time in a long time.
“29 questions?” he asked.
“Make it one, and make it count,” she replied.
“Now I have to be direct, can’t warm you up to ask what I want to ask smoothly.”
“You’re not smooth, sorry,” she laughed.
“Why do you love me?”
“That’s not a question to ask right now...because I’m not sure I do,” she slowly said, gauging his response.
“How cruel,” he slyly responded.
“I’m only teasing. I wouldn’t exactly be out here with you in the etches of the morning if I didn’t, now would I?”
“I’m not sure anymore, Angelica. I’m not sure of anything.”
She let go of the sealed embrace and tenderly grabbed his left arm. “What do you mean?”
“I’m just trying to make sense of this new reality.”
“Is that what’s been on your mind lately Tyler?” she asked, approaching a topic that had been on her own mind as of late.
“Well, it’s not exactly me. I’m not feeling normal as of late.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“I’ve been..changing,” he responded with a hesitant pause.
“Are you talking about your Phoenix?” she asked, cutting to what she knew he wanted to talk about. Tyler was one of those nice people in the world. He cared about one’s feelings more than his own and he hated talking about his own problems.
“Yeah. I’m losing control,” he hesitantly said. A huge weight came tumbling off of his chest as he said those words. The burden of keeping the knowledge to himself was gone and now he broke the ice; he had finally revealed his secret to someone, and now he patiently awaited her response.
“I’m sure you can fight it,” she smiled optimistically. “After all, you’re in control. It’s your Phoenix.”
He slowly started shaking his head in response to the words rolling off her tongue. “What do you mean?” she asked hesitantly watching his response.
“Sometimes I wake up with Phoenix. Sometimes my emotions swing to the extrema. Sometimes, I lose my conscience.”
“I always liked your Phoenix Tyler,” she giggled. “It makes you look...what’s the word...I think authentic.”
“So right now I don’t look alright?” he laughed. His spine raised a bit as he realized this was the first compliment she had given him in a while. Angelica wasn’t the type of girl to openly admit what she admired about someone. Rather, she usually showed them through her actions, but never through her own words of mouth.
“Are you being insecure?”
“Well what do you expect woman. I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation.”
“I honestly don’t because I don’t have a Phoenix but from what it sounds like, it sounds like its maturing and you’re scared because you don’t know how to control it yet.”
“That’s not the case, I assure you darling.”
“Why are you sweet talking me?”
“Is it working?” he chuckled.
“Maybe,” she smiled curling her lip. He loved it when she did that. That expression on her face sent his mind into a while frenzy of lust and desire, except he was already with her. There was an indescribable attraction for her when she did that and it took a few seconds for him to compose himself.
“I don’t think that’s it. Honestly, I don’t think so. It’s almost as if it has a mind of its own now.”
“It can do that?” she asked in awe. Angelica did not have a Phoenix of her own and the mysteries of Tyler’s own Phoenix continuously amazed her.
“I don’t know what it can fully do. I’ve only had it for a year.”
“Can I see it?” she asked mischievously.
“Why? It’s pointless, and we came here to see the Eternal Sonata.”
“I know, but I like seeing your Phoenix Tyler. It’s just nice to admire.”
“Alright, fine” he sighed, giving in. Secretly, he was pleased just to make her happy. It was that smile that drove him to do things he would never do otherwise. He walked to the edge of town to buy flowers from the flower shop and back across just to see her smile where he wouldn’t spare a mile extra if he didn’t have to.
“Do I get to see it now?”
“Yeah, sure,” he replied, looking around to make sure there were no witnesses in sight. They were alone on a large hill, obstructed from the view of the people below them that lay in the masses waiting for the Eternal Sonata.


-Akash E’ Uto-

There was a bright light for a fraction of a second and a figure began to materialize. The silver light began to take form slowly. The arms, then the legs, and finally the torso all materialized over the course of a few seconds. Standing before Angelica was Tyler, except with a completely different look to him. His facial hair now made him look rugged and his clothes completely changed from the ones he once wore.
He had silver talons running over his arms and a dark grey set of armor which clinked with every breath he took. The armor smoothly folded over his entire body with a clean physique. It was a majestic piece of work and there was a blue aura to the armor. It seemed to breathe a different type of life unknown to anyone. He had long black boots which stretched to his knees. The flaps on the front and back of his armor floated gently with the wind in a stream of ups and downs. Tyler stood on one knee on the ground in front of Angelica. Finally, the white enchanting light disappeared, and Tyler’s face was now visible. He looked up at Angelica with a new, determined look on his face. Gone was the soft, tender look he once gave off or the playful attitude he had around him. His face was stern and strong, with a hint of brashness to it.
“This is my Phoenix form,” he said, after a long pause.

The Prodigy
December 13th, 2010, 04:29 PM
Hello Diamons - afraid I neglected on welcoming you to WF. So welcome.

Eternal Sonata: solid concept. The broad strokes seem to be there. I took a glance at your link; the story has a good rhythm.

In my limited experience, I would say write more. The building blocks for you are certainly there. But the writing seems immature, slightly off-kilter when I read it. Move beyond the description of characters in the initial paragraphs. Focus on the story itself, and as a reader, my mind will fill in the blanks. One more critical point concerning the dialogue; I knew the direction you were going, and that's a compliment, but I couldn't discern a clear distinct voice for the two characters. It seemed like there was one puppeteer mouthing for them both. Writing more will alleviate the often daunting task of creating something so specific in your own mind, because each character must posses his own subset of thoughts that will determine what a writer chooses to have them declare.

My tidbit of information. Keep writing. I've enjoyed reading it.

Diamons
December 13th, 2010, 07:32 PM
Thank you for your kind words. I've always wanted to write an epic story that everyone would wait to read the next chapter for next week.

I feel like writing the next chapter right now :) thanks for the feedback, youve motivated me

Sync
December 13th, 2010, 08:46 PM
the best way to improve is following steps. 1 is only writing, but there are others you should invest time in also.

when a writer tells me in a prologue that they think their writing is not good/cliche and such. I normally pass. I can't critique a prologue because it is not true story writing and the time-lines do not necessarily follow another.

but you have an idea to follow, just don't rely on your own writing only, in order to improve. learn from others.

Diamons
December 13th, 2010, 08:59 PM
Did you click the link? It has more than a profile

Sync
December 13th, 2010, 09:05 PM
I don't click on links, there is or should be no reason for me to leave this site to see more of your writing. That is just my thoughts, others may click.

The point is, a writer needs to know that there is more to improving writing than just posting story after story. You have to learn from the critiques given, and also critique/comment on others. This in turn improves your own writing. It's not a hard formula but many struggle with it.

another great thing about doing this is that the site and other members benefit from this.

anyway. I don't want to hijack your thread.

Good luck on your writing.

Sync

Diamons
December 14th, 2010, 04:14 AM
Alright thanks. I understand what you mean when you say you shouldn't have to click a link. My fault, I simply found it easier to not lose formatting and whatnot by linking off Google Docs.