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tashamcgxoxo
December 7th, 2010, 02:03 PM
Hey everyone

I am looking for help with my script as soon as possible. I am shooting in 2 weeks and I now have to alter it because the house is unavailable and also shorten it and make it more visual/less dialogue driven so it will air in 3-5 mins.

The Script is attached.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Tasha


‘KARMA WEARS CONVERSE’
SCRIPT


1. EXT. BELFAST CITY CENTRE. AFTERNOON

ESTABLISHING SHOTS OF BELFAST CITY
(TRAFFIC TIME LAPSE, SIGNPOSTS, CITY HALL, VICTORIA SQUARE, ST ANNE‘S CATHEDRAL, BRIDGES, ALBERT CLOCK)

[SPLIT SCREEN]
[SLOW MOTION] A close up of a pair of high heels strut down a nicely paved street.
[SLOW MOTION] Camera cuts to a pair of converses walking down a less pristine underground alley.
The shot reverts back to the high heels and tilts up to reveal JESSICA ROBERTS and two other TEENAGE GIRLS. With a look of intimidation, they walk down the street silently.
The camera cuts back to the converse and tilts up to reveal DAN CASSIDY and two friends, JAKE (on skateboard) and BETH. They are in discussion, laughing and enjoying themselves.
Handheld Footage appears on screen of a much younger Jessica and Dan. They are in a band playing and enjoying themselves.
The next shot shows a group of OLDER, STRIKING BOYS on benches, staring and whistling at the girls. JESSICA looks over her shoulder and winks. The GIRLS giggle.
Both sets of TEENS cross at the traffic lights. JESSICA is looking behind her and DAN is talking to his friends, unaware of one another. They bump into each other. STACEY AND KATIE make comments, sneer and give evil looks.
JESSICA looks over her shoulder. DAN looks back and shakes his head. The shot focuses on Dan and his friends, the other girls walking away out of focus.

2. EXT. OUTER BELFAST.
JESSICA says goodbye to her friends. She puts in her earphones and crosses the road.
A song self starts. JESSICA looks down at her Ipod confused.

FLASHBACK A flickering image appears on screen. A young Dan and Jessica are singing the same song that is stuck on the ipod.

JESSICA tries to skip the song but it remains stuck.

CAR BREAKS SQUEAL

[SLOW MOTION] JESSICA looks up startled [Extreme zoom into eye].
Slowly she descends to the ground.

[SPEED UP] FLASHBACKS OF HER BAD BEHAVIOUR (Including GIRLS bullying BETH)
{Handheld Footage}

The Ipod is the final object to hit the ground. There is a shot of a limp arm out of focus and the ipod in focus.

3. EXT. ROADSIDE. OUTER BELFAST.
[Point of view] Eyelids flicker. Eyes open up. Crowd of people circled around. Vision blurred. Sound distorted.

WOMAN:
[distorted]“Oh god,, I’m so so sorry! ..Can you hear me?.. Are you alright young man?”

JESSICA feels paralysed. She attempts to rub her eyes.

JESSICA (Voiceover):
Hang on… did she just say.. Young MAN?!?

JESSICA looks at her clothes frantically.
What.. The. F- [An ambulance wails covering her profanity]
She looks at her reflection (sees herself in Dan‘s body).

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Cassidy?!?”

JESSICA faints

WOMAN :[To paramedics]
“Over here quick!”

Everything blurs into darkness.

4. INT. BEDROOM. MORNING
A figure lays in a bed in a dark room.

(Point of view) Jessica wakes up startled. She opens her eyes instantly and sees the curtains shut.

JESSICA (Voiceover):
Aw phew, just a dream. No more Lindsay Lohan remakes for you.

Door opens.

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Mum could I have an aspirin, my head’s banging, must be PMS.”
Rubs throat (confused at husky tone)

The light switches on.

MRS CASSIDY:
“Daniel!?”

JESSICA sits up, realising she is not in her own room she sees her reflection, screams and falls out of the bed. His mother gives a despairing look.

MRS CASSIDY:
“Here’s something stronger, I think you’re becoming more delirious sweetie, ”

JESSICA jumps up unsteadily.

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“No Mar- I mean mum, I’m fine. I just need to get to college, coursework due.”

5. INT. CASSIDY HOUSEHOLD. MORNING
She runs down the familiar stairs, past a childhood photo of Dan and herself on the wall, heads towards the door and opens it. JAKE (on a skateboard) and BETH are waiting outside in conversation looking confused.
DAN (in Jessica‘s body ) spins around gracefully.

DAN (JESS’S BODY):
“Well hello..CASSIDY.”

JESSICA looks at DAN, disgusted by the clothes he is wearing on her body, glares at him and before she can speak, MARY CASSIDY approaches the front door out of breath.

MRS CASSIDY:
“Jessica Roberts? is that you??(hugs Jessica)
(whispers)“Dan’s missed you, you know,”

DAN (JESS'S BODY):
“I know,(Pulls face at Jessica behind Mary’s back) I just came to see Dan”
[To Jessica]
“So Dan,, how are you doing?”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“I’m alright., not really myself though..”

MRS CASSIDY: [To Beth and Jake]
“Aw isn’t it great to see both of them friends again?”

Beth nods, trying to contain her laughter. Jack trips on his skateboard.

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Yeah, well we better go. Come on D-Jessica.”

MRS CASSIDY smiles and waves as the door shuts.

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
*giggles sarcastically* “I.am.going.to.KILL YOU!”

JESSICA races forward to grab DAN. JAKE and BETH intervene.

DAN (JESS'S BODY):
“That’s no way to talk to a girl.”

JAKE:
“Hey hey, quit. What’s going on with all this Freaky Friday shit anyway?”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Well, why don‘t you ask Mr smug himself!?”

Jake and Beth look at Dan (in Jessica’s body) still trying to grasp the concept.

DAN (JESS'S BODY):
“Personally, I think we should take this as a blessing. I mean I always said karma was a bitch, although Roberts got lucky, look how sexy she looks now.”

[JAKE and BETH giggle]

“No. I did not rub a genie lamp for this.”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
*Sighs* “Oh, I’ve missed your witty banter Cassidy.”
“So you’re saying you have nothing to do with this?
But ..[looks down confused]
the ipod..-never mind. ”

BETH:
“Look..(glances at Dan‘s body then looks up at his face) Jessica.,
Everything happens for a reason. The doctor said it was a miracle you‘re even alive.”

JAKE:
“Yeah maybe the man upstairs has gone all ‘My Name is Earl’ on your ass.”

BETH:
“Yeah you’re right Jake,(looks at Jessica) You‘re probably still here because you have one more chance to fix everything and redeem yourself.”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Please, Fix what? In the words of Mary Poppins, I‘m practically perfect in every way.”

DAN (JESS'S BODY):
Yeah, if Mary Poppins was really an alias for Regina George of ‘The Plastics’ and perfect includes torturing all of the girls at school?”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“I‘ve had it with your smart comments. Why?, why out of everyone on the planet I could have swapped with, I get [points at herself] this ugly mug? There‘s no way I can stay like this.”

DAN (JESS'S BODY):
“Maybe you’re still here to see what you‘ve really become, by walking in someone else‘s shoes. ”

6. EXT. ORMEAU PARK. CITY CENTRE.
JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“So what are we gonna do about this? It can’t be permanent can it?”

JAKE:
“I dunno, but just like in all those Disney, cheesy body-swapping flicks, you always have to fix something. So I’m guessing you should probably start with that Girl Mafia of yours”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“I don’t need to fix anything. My life is perfect.”

DAN (JESS'S BODY):
“Perfect? Beth tell her, since she’s obviously never even apologised“

BETH:
“No it’s ok Dan , just leave it.”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“What did I do? I never did anything to Beth.”

DAN (JESS'S BODY):
“Maybe not you yourself, but your little minions made her life hell. You drove her best friend to her own suicide.”

Beth runs off in tears. [Exits]

JAKE:
“I’ll go after her. Meet you at college mate.” [Exits]

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
I-I had no idea.

DAN (JESS’S BODY):
“Oh, well that makes a change for a girl who thinks she knows everything. I’m so sick of girls conforming to that stereotypical view of what popularity is. It’s stupid and I’ve had enough. I‘m away. Good luck. [walks away]”

JESSICA is left on the spot trying to hold back her tears.

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Dan! (cries) Why do you hate me so much?”

Dan stops and turns around to face Jessica.

DAN (JESS’S BODY):
“Hate you? Jess, I don’t hate you, I just hate this robot you’ve turned into. You‘ve been completely brainwashed since you’ve started college. I just want you to see what kind of person you’ve become.”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Just because I don‘t sit in a garage with you anymore, pretending we‘re rock stars, doesn‘t mean I‘ve changed. We‘re not little kids any more Dan.”

DAN (JESS’S BODY):
“But why did you have to shut me out all those years ago? You know I was only trying to help,

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Dan, I was 15. I’d lost my dad. I was in rehab. Humiliated’s not the word. I couldn’t trust anyone.

DAN (JESS’S BODY):
“Jessie, you didn’t lose him. He was taken away for abusing you.”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Listen, it wasn’t- You weren’t there. [turns away] You don’t get it.”

DAN (JESS’S BODY):
“Look, it‘s ok. (Reaches out to hold her hand) JESSICA turns back.
Everything’s gonna be ok”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Stop. I can‘t do this anymore, [walks away] I have to go.”

DAN (JESS’S BODY):
“JESSIE!!!”

CAR BREAKS SQUEAL

[SLOW MOTION] Jessica looks up
[Extreme close up of eye]

[SPEED UP] FILM REWINDS AS SHE DESCENDS TO THE GROUND

7, EXT. SCHOOL.ROADSIDE.BELFAST.
JESSICA is in the exact same location where she was hit before (SCENE 3). Instead this time she is herself. All characters in this scene are wearing the same clothes as in the first/third scene, like no time has passed.
This makes the audience wonder if what has just happened was real or imaginary.

A straight close up shot of JESSICA awaking.

STACY and KATIE sit at Jessica‘s feet.

STACY:
(Fake)“OMG. We were soooo worried babes.”

JESSICA:
“Where’s Dan?”
Girls look at one another and back at their friend’s apparent delusiveness

KATIE:
“Dan? Who the hells Dan?”

JESSICA looks frantically around the crowd, ignoring the fact that she is herself again.
Camera cuts to a low angle shot of DAN from behind, putting earphones in his ears.
Shot of him holding JESSICA’s Ipod.
[THEIR SONG IS PLAYING ON THE IPOD]
Camera cuts to a shot of DAN’s converse. Camera tilts up to reveal DAN looking over his shoulder.
JESSICA shoots into focus.
Camera zooms in for a close up of DAN smiling [in focus] (JESSICA out of focus).
DAN walks out of the shot. [SLOW MOTION]

vangoghsear
December 8th, 2010, 04:55 PM
Hey everyone

I am looking for help with my script as soon as possible. I am shooting in 2 weeks and I now have to alter it because the house is unavailable and also shorten it and make it more visual/less dialogue driven so it will air in 3-5 mins.

The Script is attached.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Tasha


‘KARMA WEARS CONVERSE’
SCRIPT


1. EXT. BELFAST CITY CENTRE. AFTERNOON

ESTABLISHING SHOTS OF BELFAST CITY
(TRAFFIC TIME LAPSE, SIGNPOSTS, CITY HALL, VICTORIA SQUARE, ST ANNE‘S CATHEDRAL, BRIDGES, ALBERT CLOCK)

[SPLIT SCREEN]
[SLOW MOTION] A close up of a pair of high heels strut down a nicely paved street.
[SLOW MOTION] Camera cuts to a pair of converses walking down a less pristine underground alley.
The shot reverts back to the high heels and tilts up to reveal JESSICA ROBERTS and two other TEENAGE GIRLS. With a look of intimidation, they walk down the street silently.
The camera cuts back to the converse and tilts up to reveal DAN CASSIDY and two friends, JAKE (on skateboard) and BETH. They are in discussion, laughing and enjoying themselves.
Handheld Footage appears on screen of a much younger Jessica and Dan. They are in a band playing and enjoying themselves.
The next shot shows a group of OLDER, STRIKING BOYS on benches, staring and whistling at the girls. JESSICA looks over her shoulder and winks. The GIRLS giggle.
Both sets of TEENS cross at the traffic lights. JESSICA is looking behind her and DAN is talking to his friends, unaware of one another. They bump into each other. STACEY AND KATIE make comments, sneer and give evil looks.
JESSICA looks over her shoulder. DAN looks back and shakes his head. (Perhaps some dialog here, one of Dan's friends could say "I can't believe you used to hang with her." this might help us to know it is a young Dan and Jessica singing the song in the next scene.) The shot focuses on Dan and his friends, the other girls walking away out of focus.

2. EXT. OUTER BELFAST.
JESSICA says goodbye to her friends. She puts in her earphones and crosses the road.
A song self starts. JESSICA looks down at her Ipod confused.

FLASHBACK A flickering image appears on screen. A young Dan and Jessica are singing the same song that is stuck on the ipod.

JESSICA tries to skip the song but it remains stuck.

CAR BREAKS SQUEAL

[SLOW MOTION] JESSICA looks up startled [Extreme zoom into eye].
Slowly she descends to the ground.

[SPEED UP] FLASHBACKS OF HER BAD BEHAVIOUR (Including GIRLS bullying BETH)
{Handheld Footage}

The Ipod is the final object to hit the ground. There is a shot of a limp arm out of focus and the ipod in focus.

3. EXT. ROADSIDE. OUTER BELFAST.
[Point of view] Eyelids flicker. Eyes open up. Crowd of people circled around. Vision blurred. Sound distorted.

WOMAN:
[distorted]“Oh god,, I’m so so sorry! ..Can you hear me?.. Are you alright young man?”

JESSICA feels paralysed (you should only write what we can see. Such as "JESSICA doesn't move." or "JESSICA only moves her eyes; her body remains still" or better still, cut this and write "JESSICA is motionless briefly then struggles to rub her eyes"). She attempts to rub her eyes.

JESSICA (Voiceover):
Hang on… did she just say.. Young MAN?!?

JESSICA looks at her clothes frantically.
What.. The. F- [An ambulance wails covering her profanity]
She looks at her reflection (sees herself in Dan‘s body) (in what?).

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Cassidy?!?”

JESSICA faints

WOMAN :[To paramedics]
“Over here quick!”

Everything blurs into darkness.

(I assume from what you wrote above in your intro that the house mentioned is this one in scene 4, is that correct?) (If it is, you could cut down to where DAN as JESSICA first sees her in scene 5 and set that scene at the accident scene perhaps and have DAN in her body leaning down over her. It would require a bit of reworking of course, but I think it could work.)

4. INT. BEDROOM. MORNING
A figure lays in a bed in a dark room.

(Point of view) Jessica wakes up startled. She opens her eyes instantly and sees the curtains shut.

JESSICA (Voiceover):
Aw phew, just a dream. No more Lindsay Lohan remakes for you.

Door opens.

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Mum could I have an aspirin, my head’s banging, must be PMS.”
Rubs throat (confused at husky tone)

The light switches on.

MRS CASSIDY:
“Daniel!?”

JESSICA sits up, realising she is not in her own room she sees her reflection, screams and falls out of the bed. His mother gives a despairing look.

MRS CASSIDY:
“Here’s something stronger, I think you’re becoming more delirious sweetie, ”

JESSICA jumps up unsteadily.

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“No Mar- I mean mum, I’m fine. I just need to get to college, coursework due.”

5. INT. CASSIDY HOUSEHOLD. MORNING
She runs down the familiar stairs, past a childhood photo of Dan and herself on the wall, heads towards the door and opens it. JAKE (on a skateboard) and BETH are waiting outside in conversation looking confused.
DAN (in Jessica‘s body ) spins around gracefully.

DAN (JESS’S BODY):
“Well hello..CASSIDY.”

JESSICA looks at DAN, disgusted by the clothes he is wearing on her body, glares at him and before she can speak, MARY CASSIDY approaches the front door out of breath.

MRS CASSIDY:
“Jessica Roberts? is that you??(hugs Jessica)
(whispers)“Dan’s missed you, you know,”

DAN (JESS'S BODY):
“I know,(Pulls face at Jessica behind Mary’s back) I just came to see Dan”
[To Jessica]
“So Dan,, how are you doing?”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“I’m alright., not really myself though..”

MRS CASSIDY: [To Beth and Jake]
“Aw isn’t it great to see both of them friends again?”

Beth nods, trying to contain her laughter. Jack trips on his skateboard.

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Yeah, well we better go. Come on D-Jessica.”

MRS CASSIDY smiles and waves as the door shuts.

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
*giggles sarcastically* “I.am.going.to.KILL YOU!”

JESSICA races forward to grab DAN. JAKE and BETH intervene.

DAN (JESS'S BODY):
“That’s no way to talk to a girl.”

JAKE:
“Hey hey, quit. What’s going on with all this Freaky Friday shit anyway?”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Well, why don‘t you ask Mr smug himself!?”

Jake and Beth look at Dan (in Jessica’s body) still trying to grasp the concept.

DAN (JESS'S BODY):
“Personally, I think we should take this as a blessing. I mean I always said karma was a bitch, although Roberts got lucky, look how sexy she looks now.”

[JAKE and BETH giggle]

“No. I did not rub a genie lamp for this.”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
*Sighs* “Oh, I’ve missed your witty banter Cassidy.”
“So you’re saying you have nothing to do with this?
But ..[looks down confused]
the ipod..-never mind. ”

BETH:
“Look..(glances at Dan‘s body then looks up at his face) Jessica.,
Everything happens for a reason. The doctor said it was a miracle you‘re even alive.”

JAKE:
“Yeah maybe the man upstairs has gone all ‘My Name is Earl’ on your ass.”

BETH:
“Yeah you’re right Jake,(looks at Jessica) You‘re probably still here because you have one more chance to fix everything and redeem yourself.”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Please, Fix what? In the words of Mary Poppins, I‘m practically perfect in every way.”

DAN (JESS'S BODY):
Yeah, if Mary Poppins was really an alias for Regina George of ‘The Plastics’ and perfect includes torturing all of the girls at school?”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“I‘ve had it with your smart comments. Why?, why out of everyone on the planet I could have swapped with, I get [points at herself] this ugly mug? There‘s no way I can stay like this.”

DAN (JESS'S BODY):
“Maybe you’re still here to see what you‘ve really become, by walking in someone else‘s shoes. ”

6. EXT. ORMEAU PARK. CITY CENTRE.
JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“So what are we gonna do about this? It can’t be permanent can it?”

JAKE:
“I dunno, but just like in all those Disney, cheesy body-swapping flicks, you always have to fix something. So I’m guessing you should probably start with that Girl Mafia of yours”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“I don’t need to fix anything. My life is perfect.”

DAN (JESS'S BODY):
“Perfect? Beth tell her, since she’s obviously never even apologised“

BETH:
“No it’s ok Dan , just leave it.”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“What did I do? I never did anything to Beth.”

DAN (JESS'S BODY):
“Maybe not you yourself, but your little minions made her life hell. You drove her best friend to her own suicide.”

Beth runs off in tears. [Exits]

JAKE:
“I’ll go after her. Meet you at college mate.” [Exits]

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
I-I had no idea.

DAN (JESS’S BODY):
“Oh, well that makes a change for a girl who thinks she knows everything. I’m so sick of girls conforming to that stereotypical view of what popularity is. It’s stupid and I’ve had enough. I‘m away. Good luck. [walks away]”

JESSICA is left on the spot trying to hold back her tears.

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Dan! (cries) Why do you hate me so much?”

Dan stops and turns around to face Jessica.

DAN (JESS’S BODY):
“Hate you? Jess, I don’t hate you, I just hate this robot you’ve turned into. You‘ve been completely brainwashed since you’ve started college. I just want you to see what kind of person you’ve become.”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Just because I don‘t sit in a garage with you anymore, pretending we‘re rock stars, doesn‘t mean I‘ve changed. We‘re not little kids any more Dan.”

DAN (JESS’S BODY):
“But why did you have to shut me out all those years ago? You know I was only trying to help,

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Dan, I was 15. I’d lost my dad. I was in rehab. Humiliated’s not the word. I couldn’t trust anyone.

DAN (JESS’S BODY):
“Jessie, you didn’t lose him. He was taken away for abusing you.”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Listen, it wasn’t- You weren’t there. [turns away] You don’t get it.”

DAN (JESS’S BODY):
“Look, it‘s ok. (Reaches out to hold her hand) JESSICA turns back.
Everything’s gonna be ok”

JESSICA (DAN’S BODY):
“Stop. I can‘t do this anymore, [walks away] I have to go.”

DAN (JESS’S BODY):
“JESSIE!!!”

CAR BREAKS SQUEAL

[SLOW MOTION] Jessica looks up
[Extreme close up of eye]

[SPEED UP] FILM REWINDS AS SHE DESCENDS TO THE GROUND

7, EXT. SCHOOL.ROADSIDE.BELFAST.
JESSICA is in the exact same location where she was hit before (SCENE 3). Instead this time she is herself. All characters in this scene are wearing the same clothes as in the first/third scene, like no time has passed.
This makes the audience wonder if what has just happened was real or imaginary.

A straight close up shot of JESSICA awaking.

STACY and KATIE sit at Jessica‘s feet.

STACY:
(Fake)“OMG. We were soooo worried babes.”

JESSICA:
“Where’s Dan?”
Girls look at one another and back at their friend’s apparent delusiveness

KATIE:
“Dan? Who the hells Dan?”

JESSICA looks frantically around the crowd, ignoring the fact that she is herself again.
Camera cuts to a low angle shot of DAN from behind, putting earphones in his ears.
Shot of him holding JESSICA’s Ipod.
[THEIR SONG IS PLAYING ON THE IPOD]
Camera cuts to a shot of DAN’s converse. Camera tilts up to reveal DAN looking over his shoulder.
JESSICA shoots into focus.
Camera zooms in for a close up of DAN smiling [in focus] (JESSICA out of focus).
DAN walks out of the shot. [SLOW MOTION]

tashamcgxoxo
December 8th, 2010, 05:29 PM
Thanks so much for your advice :)
In my first draft I used to have Jessica say "I can't believe we used to be friends" and Beth say "Don't worry about her, she's a bitch" and Dan replied "No, Karma's a bitch"
But my tutor said to let the childhood footage speak for itself. I am trying to make it more visual you see, so I'm trying to get rid of dialogue.
Yes unfortunately I have had to cut scene 4 and a bit of Scene 5. I am now trying to go straight from the accident into the confrontation and resolution.
Do you have any ideas? I have been looking at the script for the last few months and its beginning not to seem fresh anymore so I would love an outside perspective.
I really want to make the film highly visual with minimal dialogue, if that can be achieved?
I am keeping scene 1, 2 and 7 and trying to rethink the inbetween scenes.
By any chance do you have any ideas that could make the overall duration keep between the 3-5 minute period?

Many many thanks.

Tasha

vangoghsear
December 8th, 2010, 06:41 PM
The problem with cutting the dialog at their seeing one another again is that we don't know who the young Dan and Jessica are. You can fix that by having the flashback of them and the song earlier. You could have it occur after they bump one another, as they look back. That way we know it was them and that they shared that song. When she puts on the earphones and the song is stuck it makes sense that it would be that song and we see a mechanism for the change that occurs.

I wonder if a brief instance where the minds are switched might help. Say that DAN hears the accident and runs back to see what happened. He reaches her before anyone else, kneels down and when their eyes meet they switch bodies.

DAN (in JESSICA's body): Jessi...oh my God.

JESSICA's vision is blurred she sees DAN in her body but not clear enough to realize the change. DAN is now equally fascinated by what has happened to him and is studying his new body (not sure if you want to take it this way at all, but the actress playing DAN in JESSICA's body could pull out the top of her shirt and peek down and just say "Woah..." or something).

WOMAN:
[distorted]“Oh god,, I’m so so sorry! ..Can you hear me?.. Are you alright young man?” Wait, I thought I hit a girl...you (indicating DAN as JESSICA).

DAN shakes his head 'no.'

JESSICA attempts to rub her eyes.

JESSICA (Voiceover):
Hang on… did she just say.. Young MAN?!?

JESSICA looks at her clothes frantically.
What.. The. F- [An ambulance wails covering her profanity]
She looks at her reflection (sees herself in Dan‘s body).

JESSICA's vision clears and she sees DAN in her body...

and go on from there.

Kon-el Kent
December 9th, 2010, 05:04 PM
I really liked the concept. It has a lot of potential.

The only problem I had and vangoghsear touches on it, is that I was really confused at the beginning of the script. I never got the sense of who dan or jessica were so I didnt know why I should care about them. I love the idea of telling a story with visuals but the lack of dialog hinders me finding out who these characters are. Maybe a line or two at the beginning of the script to set up who these characters are before the switch so we know why it is such a big deal.

Just my two cents.

Good luck with script!

MTMarshall
January 30th, 2011, 12:35 AM
Flashback's take more time and that in turn adds more time to the screenplay... The story has to translates from your head to the audience.... Your vision as a writer is not necessarily what the director will have in mind... This venue is a collaboration at nearly every level so I don't advice getting too attached to your piece.. Good luck :)))