View Full Version : Prologue

Lord Reecingale
November 14th, 2010, 06:03 PM
This is the prologue of a novel I began working on recently. The idea was seeded one day a few years ago when I was bored out of my wits. It is as follows:

Three of a kind, grunted the dwarf, tossing down his hand. The elf and the other dwarf groaned in dismay, revealing their pairs.
The human smiled mockingly. Four aces, he stated, revealing the cards. Everybody groaned, but the first dwarf groaned loudest of all. I do believe Ive won the axe, Mord, the human continued airily.
Yere a cheatin bastard, the dwarf called Mord grumbled. But I cannae fault ye. Take the durned axe and treat her well.
The human grinned and hefted the axe, using its mithril blade to drag the coins and jewels over to him. An axe worthy of a king, and a kings ransom with it. What on earth can I do with all this? he gloated. Mord shuddered to see him using the axe to drag over such mundane things as jewels and coins.
Another round, gentleman? asked the dealer pleasantly. Or do you all wish to retire to your quarters for the evening?
Mord immediately left, ignoring everyone else in his depression. The remaining elf and dwarf looked at each other, bade the human goodnight, and also retired.
The dealer produced a leather case and swiped the humans winnings into it, closing and locking it expertly with his deft fingers. Naturally, sir, we will have to lock your newly acquired axe away while you stay at this hotel, he said reasonably.
Of course, my good man, the human replied jovially, sliding the axe across the table and picking up his case. I shall collect it in a few days, when I leave. He tossed the dealer an emerald that hed won earlier. Have a good night.
The dealer was stunned at the tip and forgot to thank him, but the human didnt mind. He whistled happily as he returned to his rooms, pleased with the nights success.
He didnt actually want the axe. He had no use for such an archaic heirloom. It was the money hed won that he was pleased with, though winning the axe had been a bonus. It would fetch a hefty sum.
More than enough for his dreams.
* * *
Did you get it?
Rez shivered as he climbed into the limousine. The job had been a tough one and his nerves were still a bit on edge. The forbidding, half-orc bodyguard watching him didnt help matters much.
I got it, I got it! Rez squeaked back at the elf that had asked. The book is here.
Rez opened his bag and withdrew an old, leather-bound tome, cracked with age. He gingerly handed it over to the immaculately-dressed elf, fearing another backlash of energy. This time, there was none. Perhaps it had just been a defensive trap that had hit him earlier.
The elf took the book carefully in his gloved hands, turning it over and inspecting it closely. The red leather was old and half-shattered, but the imprint of a hexagon could still be clearly seen.
Excellent work Rez, excellent work. You are clearly a goblin who can be relied upon. The Father will be most pleased, the elf congratulated him with a laugh, slapping him on the shoulder. He cracked open the mini-bar and handed Rez a glass of cognac. Rez waited for the elf to drink first, fearing poison.
The elf smacked his lips. Ah, smooth! he said in appreciation, topping up his glass. Now, I have to ask. Any complications?
The rain beat against the tinted windows as Rez stared moodily into his glass. The gnomes must have been tipped off. They had traps we werent prepared for. I lost my partner in there, Dice. The traps got her. So yes, there were complications. Rez gulped down the cognac and held out the glass for a refill. Many of them.
Im sorry to hear that, the elf called Dice replied, not sounding sorry at all. But fear not, little goblin. As compensation for the loss of your partner we will happily pay double.
Rez was so surprised he sloshed cognac over his jacket. R-really? Thank you, oh thank you!
Rez was already getting paid a small fortune. Now it was a large one.
Dice waved his hand. No matter, Rez, no matter. Naturally we ask for your utmost discretion. The Father intends this bonus as a gift, though if you would do jobs for us again in the future, we would be most grateful.
I can promise the Father nothing, but I will certainly keep all possibilities open, Rez replied carefully. Dice chuckled in appreciation, re-filling both their glasses.
Smart goblin, Rez. The Father understands. He always does.

Hope you enjoy!

Olly Buckle
November 14th, 2010, 07:32 PM
It is good to read a bit of fantasy of this sort that is well written and has a freshness of style, well done so far.

Lord Reecingale
November 14th, 2010, 07:49 PM
Why thank you very much. I've had a blast writing it so far.

November 16th, 2010, 05:25 AM
Too much dialogue. You gave away half of your chars before we could even discover them. If there is more you wish to tell about these chars or others, tell them quick, otherwise, interest is lost.

I need a hook to keep me reading, otherwise it just reads as another boring Dragonlance novel.

And as we all know, Dragonlace is very 1990's.

Lord Reecingale
November 17th, 2010, 12:37 AM
Fair enough, but it is my prologue. None of them are the main character, who appears in chapter two, and I haven't read Dragonlance.

November 18th, 2010, 08:57 PM
One thing I notice about fantasy stories is that there are certain tropes that just get me thinking of the same old Tolkienesque characters. Example: “Ye’re a cheatin bastard,” the dwarf called Mord grumbled. “But I cannae fault ye. Take the durned axe and treat her well.” Do all dwarves talk like scottish pirates? And why are they playing poker? Shouldn't they be playing some other type of card game? Instead of four aces it could have been four skulls, etc. The problem with high fantasy is that it is too established in certain norms and it doesn't take enough risk, at least in my humble opinion. Maybe it is something to consider as you move onward.

Lord Reecingale
November 18th, 2010, 11:09 PM
This isn't high fantasy though. This is a modern mix of tolkien fantasy and a modern technological world. Did you read all of it?

November 18th, 2010, 11:21 PM
Wow, haha. For whatever reason, I didn't notice they were getting in a "limousine". I knew something was weird about calling it a "hotel" and having a "mini-bar". I retract my comments.

November 18th, 2010, 11:56 PM
i did enjoy the modern twist on it. although some norms are still kept up. just a few things that you might mention.

the axe in modern times, what is it used for? war? wood? or just ceremonial?

a couple norms that are kept up that i like, dwarves talking like Scottish pirates is fine, when i think of dwarves i think of tolkien.

goblins are stealing things, i like this less than the dwarvin accents.

over all i like it, i read too much of the modern things like, someone killed my granny, or terrorists, or other things that could happen. i want something impossible, if i wanted something possible i would watch the news.

Lord Reecingale
November 19th, 2010, 12:14 AM
Not all goblins steal, just that one. And that particular dwarf is actually scottish too XD. The world I created in this story would never ACTUALLY work, but hey, since when should one let the facts get in the way of the story? I'm glad you're all liking it.
It is, in fact, a cermonial axe, and thanks for pointing that out. I'll write that in now.
No problem saltricks. It happens lol. But you can imagine my confusion when you called it High Fantasy XD

November 19th, 2010, 08:46 PM
I like!

The modern setting with the Tolkien characters is an interesting contrast, and maybe it was just the poker game that got me thinking, but this reminded me of Middle Earth: New Vegas :P

Lord Reecingale
November 20th, 2010, 11:37 PM
LOL That would be the most awesome game ever XD. I might start posting bits and pieces of this story on my blog.

November 22nd, 2010, 06:25 PM
It's an interesting concept so far. I'd be interested in seeing more of this story. I'm more of a high, epic fantasy reader, myself, but I find urban fantasy can be just as entertaining.