View Full Version : Whisper Wire One-Advice

November 7th, 2010, 05:48 AM
This is a graphic novel I'm working on...please read and comment

Working Title: Whisper 1

Background: The story takes place in America (Newark), In about 1991. The story is based around four central characters-

1.An ex-mercenary~ taking a break in the city to get his head together, hes close to leaving the hit man scene after a couple of more jobs, and has an affinity for cigars but hates drugs and cigarettes; works out daily- uses heat based weaponry for his hits. He is of American-Israeli decent. He grew up in America with his grandfather who served in WW1, WW2, and Vietnam. His grandfather was a God fearing man who emphasized faith above all things. There was very little mention of his mother, father, or grandmother. He trained daily under the supervision of his grandfather and was scorned from violence unless it was absolutely necessary. His grandfathers death caused a completely collapse of his morals and he was moved into the group home system- later moving to Israel to find himself. Hes in his early 30s Name- Ishmael

2. A failed private detective- has been a resident of the city since birth, knows the city like the back of his hand. He has genius level deduction skills and is highly manipulative. He often creates problems for himself just for the sake of solving them. He has a severe addiction to chess puzzle and crosswords and can never choose between either, usually solving multiple both at once. He is in his late 30s- and never went to college but scored perfect on his SATs and his IQ is just above genius level. He is extremely lazy and chooses not to solve crimes because they are so simple. He is very adept at martial arts but has no formal training. He is close to retirement. He only is still a detective because he feels his case is coming. He is known to do corrupt things in order to solve his own conundrums. But has complete dedication to his community- he has a wife and a son on the way. He is of African-American decent. Name- Bobby, Robert

3. A freelance janitor/ drug addict- he is the self proclaimed king of clean- taking any job the town has to offer. He never works for less than five dollars in order to suffice his drug habit and if there are no jobs available he is known to be a relentless thief. He cannot remember when he came to the city, but has an i.d. that says he is in his late 20s. He has a shack he lives in the local woods- that he keeps as clean as you could imagine. He has much stolen merchandise that he hoards for no reason at all. Due to his lightweight and constantly being on his feet doing some king of heavy labor he is very agile and has excellent stamina. He promises himself that hell stop using drugs once he can stay high forever. He is a town outcast and is only useful when he can clean something. The Mayor gave him a chance to work at the town hall cleaning it every night- once he returns all the stolen merchandise. He is extremely creative and adaptive. He is of Indonesian decent. Name-Ramelan
4. A real rat/poet- this character is an actual four legged rat. His only dream is to get a book of his poetry published. He has written thousands of poems and enjoys folk music. He can olnly communicate to other rats that have very little interest in his writing- only in the fact that he was born with an opposable thumb, they use him for their schemes and tell him he should stop his non-sense. He was a circus rat who escaped and has taken up residence in this town. He has a thespian hat he never takes off. Has an old English accent. He is extremely observant. Age:Unknown. His name is Abel
The story is structured in vignettes around these four characters. They all (except Abel) have once claimed to be Christian. The town is a medium sized city- about the size of York, Pa.

4. A real rat/poet- this character is an actual four legged rat. His only dream is to get a book of his poetry published. He has written thousands of poems and enjoys music. He can only communicate to other rats that have very little interest in his writing- only in the fact that he was born with an opposable thumb, they use him for their schemes and tell him he should stop his non-sense. He was a circus rat who escaped and has taken up residence in this town. He is trained by his mentor Davy a raccoon. He has a thespian hat he never takes off. He is extremely observant and can put almost any situation into poetry. Age: Unknown. His name is Abe l


Ishmael- Heat control, but he feels the pain from the heat he produces but it can't kill him. He suffers agony anytime he uses his power so he only uses ver low temperatures in crafty ways- later on as his will increases so does the temperature. He channel amounts of heat into specific areas in his environment. Using this he can cause someone else to become very hot while say only one of his hair folicles does. He can also use his heat in emotional ways. He must manually maintain his body heat or he becomes hypothermia induced .He later decides to leave the Liaison. And is stuck to figure himself out.

Ramelan- He becomes more agile and restless, he can't speak and later discovers he has the power to control his enemies five senses {hallucination}. He never hurts anyone but rather makes them think that they won through hallucination- he is the "most" powerful of the four at first. He later develops the ability to manifest hallucinations. However they become permanent and he loses more and more sanity. If he relapses and does drugs all of his powers are condensed down into raw randomness so that every time he speaks tragedy ensues. He practices yoga.

Bobby- He now can see the Spirits and intentions of most people he observes. He is now a spirit and doesn't have a body- well he does he is actually in a coma on life support and if they pull the plug he's gone. He can possess objects and move them at his will and phase through walls. He cannot be touched but can't directly touch others. He can communicate mentally and cofused his opponents- after training with King Solomon he becomes 500% smarter. He tries to change and solve cases in this form and wants to get to the bottom of his predicament.

Abel- Complete foresight of all events to come- he has the burden of never speaking a word of it- well he can't he knows all possible futures and tries to make the best happen. He always know what time it is no matter what and can stop time but when he does he ages times ten. And when he dies he has to start over from a baby. He can also send things through time ...but that may alter the course of history. He cannot be killed and assist others in their pursuits.

Full Script

Intro Page: The Page is one entire panel. Its a top down view- as if from a low helicopter. There is a crowd of people outside of a municipal building (city hall). There are some protestor, police barricading them, and Bobby is standing back hands in his jacket. He is looking on carelessly. There is a news reporter giving a briefing on the situation at hand. There is an introduction written throughout the page.

Panel: Intro-

1991. The times and weather are cold here in America. A week ago the Presidential candidate Royce A. Casper of the Motherland Alliance party made a speech that shocked us America. He brought forth several tapes of American government workers confessing to participating in the DiamondJar scandal. The scandal came to light when the workers who went into the mines in Somalia disappeared. According to Mr. Casper those mines that were being excavated lead to an underground country where he says the World Government at large has been preparing for a would be doomsday. There has been no word from the President as of yet. The workers gave accurate statements and Casper has submitted his evidence of the fiasco- Today here in Newark, NJ he says he will offer his grand evidence many protest him due to his alliance with Russia during the Cold War and now he is here to justify his claims.
This is S.J. Shannon Signing out.

Transitional Page: Includes the title drawn out stylishly- Whisper Wire. Below is divided into four panels.
It is arranged as it fits best for the page.
Panel 1: From a third person view behind them- A large raccoon and four rats including Abel are running toward the back of the City Hall.
Panel 2: They get to a hole in the back of the building and notices that there is a straggler.
Panel 3: They turn around and notice that their friend is being held under the claw of a rather large raven that is standing next to a large sized garden asp.

Panel 4: They all rush back towards the dastardly animals to free their endangered mate. He snake and raven smiling

Page 2: The page is divided into two horizontal panels- one stacked on top of the other with a medium space in between. A quote is inserted in that space: He that is down need fear no fall.

Panel 1: We have a close up of Abels face- he staring at the forth wall. He has a relaxed but observant look on his face. There is 70s wallpaper in the background.
Abel :{ block bubble} its 5:30 pm. Its my usual eating time. But today I wont be eating, and maybe not tomorrow. Maybe its best if I wrote this down- Youll better understand why.

Panel 2: We are looking down on Abel from an angle- as if a small human was looking down. He is sitting down on his butt as if he was a human. He has a torn post it not and a tiny sliver of crayon. He is in a position to begin writing- his fur is very ruffled and he has several scratch marks throughout his body
Abel: {block bubble- poetry}

When one falls back then the other do as well
On the day that I ran
Twas the day that I fell
For food and food only we began to turn mad
To arrive was to die
We would not eat at last

Page3: A full page panel.
Panel1: This panel is from Abels perspective. He is looking at Ishmael walk through an open door steping over some rubbish while smoking a cigar and smiling at his gun. Abel:
The form of pure torridity
Saunters through this hall
And he doth not appear to be a member of this ball
Security, yes possibly
But I have seen it all
I must find out more of him, hastily never stall
Page4: Three panels with the larger one at the bottom, two smaller ones of equal size at the top.
Panel1: Abel moves to a further corner. We are in a full view of Ishmael. The guns is now put away and one hand is in his right jacket pocket. His other hand is holding the butt of his now finished cigar. He is now off of the wall and walking toward the somewhat distant forth wall- with Abel somewhat visible in the background

Ishmael: {talking to his self} Damn Liaison I told them I had a damn hair appointment today. Oh well this should be cake. Another job with no casualties- dont know who this crook- is, maybe he deserves it.

Panel2: A close up on Abel his face even more shocked and startled
Abel :{ block}

I see yes, I see
This nave is a foot
To take from this world
To add to his book
But I must gather rations
For me and my men
He knows what hes doing
I never did look

Page 5: Divided into six panels. As it fits best for the page.
Panel 1: The view is from the back of a really tan man with rather long arms with one hand on his hip, the other scratching his head. He is staring at an enormous stack of meat boxes in what appears to be a very large industrial freezer. He is dressed in a tight bell hop like uniform.
Caption: Earlier that day
Man: Damn, this took me bout four minutes. Faster man, faster. I should have this building done in another ten, plus the fifteen for clean up, and the 3 for my break. 30 rooms in thirty minutesnice.
Panel 2: We discover this man is Ramelan who is the freelance cleaning expert. The view is of Ramelans profile with a man dresses in a rather fine suit in the background with a confused look on his face. Ramelans eyes are closed as he is yawning.
SFX: Yawn
Dressy Man: Ramelan?
Panel 3:The man moves closer to Ramelan. The view is from directly behind his head. Ramelan has a startled/ashamed/shifty look on his face with his bell hop like hat in his hands.
Ramelan: Mayor Hooper! Obliged to see you in- I was just- do you like my uniform?- I wasnt sleeping-
Hooper: Ramelan youve uh
Ramelan: I can work faster- three minutes tops, Im so sorry, I-
Hooper: Ramelan, relax man. Youve done the job already. I told you to change the trash bin in my office, that was ten minutes ago.
Ramelan: ?? But I thoughtWhat aboutWell I found your Grandpas picture.
Panel 4: From the side view of the two men with the stacked boxes in the background. The mayor is holding a very old looking picture in his hands with a confused look on his face. Ramelan has both of his hands behind his back with his eyes closed and a proud look on his face. His very tight hat leaning off to the side.
Hooper: What? Let me see thatI dont know this man. This has to be from the 18 th century
Ramelan: OhIm sorry. Great Ill take itadd it to the collection.
Hooper: Ramelan I have something to tell you..
Panel 5: Ramelan and Hooper are sitting on two meat boxes smiling and talking. Hooper has his legs crossed and Ramelan has his arms folded on his lap.
Caption: A short while later
Hooper: Yeah Ramelan Im glad you cleaned yourself up. You have excellent work ethic. People like you truly are the ones that keep this country afloat. We could use that in Washington
Ramelan: Thanks, you know you can call me Rammy, That name is a mouthful.
Hooper: Yes, Rammy. As I said anytime you want a reasonable pay raise let me know- you deserve it. Ever consider moving out of that shack?
Rammy: No, hey thanks a lot but dont you think I should get back to work? I going to brush the auditorium
Panel 6: Rammy is looking at Hooper leave the freezer the views from his profile towards the freezer door. Rammy is holding a very old looking floor brush close to his face, with a funny/sad look on his face.
Hooper: Goodness no, youve been working too hard take a breaklisten to the speech. You know I wont hahaha. If you try to work anyways Ill make you use the vacuum cleaner..
Rammy: Oh the harshness, that wretched device, find have it your way.
Page 7: Divided into two panels. One on top of the other.
Panel 1: It is a close up of a black detectives face. He has a tooth pick in his hand and a very stern look on his face. He Is nodding his head.
Detective: Right on boys, keep spraying them.
Panel 2: Detective is revealed to be Bobby, he is walking towards the door of the city hall. The view is as if from a helicopter. In the fore-bottom is a unit of police officers spraying aerosol cans upon protestors.
SFX: Ssstss
Protestors: Come on sonstop man.
Bobby: Keep spraying, sure guard we keep them away. Hippies hate clean..say it with me boys..
Police: Hippies hate clean
Bobby: NiceIll bee back, gotta drain the pipes..

Page 7:

You don't have to start anything at all yet...this is just a brief overview of the story...you can read it and get a feel for it

Please ask any questions you can think of