PDA

View Full Version : prologue - to a as yet untitled idea



Sir.
October 31st, 2010, 10:05 PM
First – there was the beginning, and everything was spectacular, sorcery and nature fought between one another as to whom would reign over existence, that was the world as it was, beautiful chaotic. Brutal and fair, there was complete balance which meant a discord, disharmony and destruction on a stunning scale.

Then – came the middle, the rise of Calvin. The man of iron who brought a third runner into the race of power, science and justice. The hand of the ordinary man was given its first stick to beat the old ways with and it struck hard, his purge carried across the old world halted only by the strongest bastions and desperate resolve of his adversaries.

With the traditional chaos so subdued he led his enlightenment. From the shadows he brought military supremacy through his machinations and social order through the steel gauntlet of a justice system.

Enter the world as is now, Calvin rests freshly in his tomb, finally falling foul of the fragility of man. A man of stone carved with care and precision now sits upon his thrown. A reverent reminder of who forged the world as is, of science, order and quiet functionality.

This is the world as is. That was the world as was. What is the world to be; perhaps only a whisper in a storm could tell.

This was the hope that the twins; Fredrick and Susan held. Sitting; cross legged, out in the cold as thunder roared above them and lightning flashed across angry clouds. What was coming now, the end or a new beginning?

this is finally a suitable character for Calvin to perform, this may go places as it seems calvin is a character who demands I pay him attention.

Bucky24
November 2nd, 2010, 05:34 PM
his purge carried across the old world halted only by the strongest bastions of the old world.


A little redundant here, using "the old world" twice.



finally falling foul of the fragility of man


Nice turn of phrase.



that the twins; Fredrick and Susan


I don't think a semi-colon is the right puncuation to use here. Maybe a comma instead?

The story so far intrigues me, makes me interested to see what is going to happen next, which is what a prologue is meant for.

I'm not sure what you mean by Calvin performing a character... the guy is dead, right?

Sir.
November 3rd, 2010, 01:25 AM
Thanks very much, I think intrigue is the greatest compliment a prologue can get - as to the comment on calvin, well I have had a picture of him in my head for a while and its been fairly fully formed, he just needed somewhere and someone to be.
and I agree about the repetition I'll edit that out now and replace it with something more exciting. :)