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Divus
October 30th, 2010, 09:01 PM
Porky Boys Escapade. 875 words
They seek him here/ They seek him there/ Those Townies seek him everywhere
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It was on the day planned for Porky Boy to be a star that he did a runner. Porky was to be filmed locally up on Oak Hill in the grounds of the medieval farm where there is, even to this day, neither electricity nor running water. Up on the windy ridge, life is as folks used to live wearing smocks and leather trousers, long before electricity brought comforts into life. When people lived close to nature in the olden days, life was kept simple. One had no need of new fangled contraptions which consume electricity. Water came from the sky and warmth came from cuddling up close to those that one loved even if they had not bathed recently. If today more folks lived the simple life, then there would be no need for pylons on the skyline.

The film was to show the simple way of living as adopted by new age converts. No medieval farm could be without its pigs. Pigs are good doers and they gobble up all the scraps and thereby convert waste either into a side of bacon or fertiliser. Personally I like to think my meat comes in plastic bags from the back rooms of a super market. As far as I am concerned cows yield milk and chickens produce eggs. Never do I want to think about the relationship of pork to pig nor beef to cow. The simple life isnt appealing to me or to most modern folks. Ill throw a switch any time and pay the bill by direct debit.

Our Boy did not know what was happening that day. It is now believed hed been transported down from the North especially for a starring role in the film. He was prepared for the move to pastures new and to become a local lad. He had no qualms about swopping the lion for the dragon. When a moment of opportunity opened up, Porky seized it and took his chance and there was little to stop him. Why should it have been assumed that film cameramen, usually townies, knew how to corner a wily pig who could have taught escapology at Colditz. Porky Boy had wasted no time and took off up the lane but on the way he got a whiff of odours tempting and familiar. It just so happens that living up there in quiet domesticity were two piggies who spend their lives in a very different style. They have a roof over their heads and although they are contained in a paddock they can eat the grass and are fed every morning and evening with a bowl of piggy nuts. Adjoining this rural pad is the wood, which to a pig is a highly desirable copse of ancient and dense growth. Through the boundary of the wood runs a brook with clear fresh cool water arising from the lake above. Thereabouts lie ample twigs to chew on, there is grass to nibble on and there are roots to snuffle for. What more could Porky Boy need?


Mr Plod, when advised of the Great Escape, did not really want to know but duty called. En masse a squad of Plods in Blue did make an attempt to round up our boy but Porky made them look silly. Truncheons, note pads, mobile phones and computers arent of much use when chasing pigs. Our Boy now had food, water and shelter from cruel winds. He had a bush or two to lay down under and the promise that one day, that the lady sows might pay him a visit. No wonder our Porky Boy led the not so eager captors a merry dance.

For weeks Our Boy stayed free and whilst he was left alone to snuffle along seemingly he had got it made on this verdant land. Since the great escape he had been spotted not only up by the reservoir but over by St Grooms. Several times he had been cornered but he possessed the abilities of Houdini and unless his captors were quick and ready with barricades to pen him in, then there was little chance to catch him He was not going to be tempted by a bowl of nuts, thats for sure. Neither was he going to stand still whilst some yokel tried to collar him. All attempts to bring him to heel ended up with lots of huffing and puffing and rueful smiles. Which sadly was not to our Boys advantage.

Branded as a domestic creature eating the scraps he had a right to a good life, but as a wild boar roaming the lanes he was an outlaw. Sadly unless ones name is Robin Hood or Lord Lucan eventually ones luck runs out and so it was with Porky Boy. Fugitives dont survive long in this modern orderly world. All it took was the bang of a local farmers gun and for Our Boy, his snuffling days were over.

However by the time the light went out for Porky Boy, he had brought a smile to many a face and it is very sad he is no longer oinkin along the lanes.

Scarlett_156
October 30th, 2010, 09:07 PM
I'm rotten too, lol.

garza
October 30th, 2010, 09:54 PM
But in the end, not doubt, Porky Boy's bacon, chops, ribs, and hams brought a smile to the face of the farmer.

Delightful story well told.