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View Full Version : the other odd and end worth a look



Sir.
October 1st, 2010, 08:08 PM
this was I think meant to be a prologue that would be returned to half way through the story, quite liked them as a couple, oddly didn't give either of them names - often find naming characters a bit of a bother as it has to fit them otherwise it just feels wrong. anyway the story was defiantly going to be from his point of view and was in fact going to focus on their marriage, returning after this to first meeting, working through the love to the break down and then on past it to something- well too something.
again be gentle 'tis old


I could see her across the cafe sitting at our table, gazing into the serphantines calm depths. It was the same table that I had proposed at, where we had had our tenth wedding anniversary, not much had changed in ten years, her hair had started to grey mine to thin, her skin had tanned and become freckled and often she seemed to have shrunk a little while the reverse was true for my waist; which had expanded gradually to provide me with what my sister called cushioning.
Momentarily I wondered If I could leave quietly after all there was no need for me to really be here. The fact that we were both here again was an acknowledgement that this was the end of the marriage. We had both known from the start it couldnt work, both driven by the acquisition of power, in her case institutions, governments being her favourite, in mine individuals, one conquest after another, affairs, blackmail etcetera. So the shock was not that we were here but more the length of time it had taken to get here.
The prospect of escaping the speech of mutually acknowledged failure however was removed as her cool stone grey eyes drifted up from the water and gazed at me, though it often felt more like she gazed into me. I went over to her to stop her from getting up and having me sit down, I could see that there were two of her men in suits standing by the waters edge they started off a joke, personal police officer escorts for the secrete baroness, however when allegations that her guards had executed anyone who so much as spilt wine on her dress, the men in suits became more sinister. Drawn from the SAS or other shadier backgrounds, through contacts provided by her own group of friends. There are rumours now are that she has a security service which rivals Russian KGB during the cold war.
So you came then not looking at me as she spoke. She was drawn to the view of the water, a fact which I was almost grateful of.
yes, - well I could hardly refuse the invitation which this time had in fact came in the form of being forced into a car, driven by two of the men in suits driven to a train station and provided with a ticket for Hyde Park corner station, the only message given to me being your wifes waiting for you at the table

wolfiesign
October 1st, 2010, 08:24 PM
Interesting. And yes, naming characters is hard. Though, you must find some that fit, to make a good story. Unless your going for a big fantasy with the unknown man or something. That would be diffrent.

Anyways, sounds pretty interesting. I enjoyed reading it. Though, on the punctuation, after they speak, there should be a comma.

Eg.

"And then he walked away," exclamed Mark.

Just made something up. Anyways, nice piece!

Sir.
October 1st, 2010, 08:54 PM
thanks - grammar is sort of a blockhole in my writing skills... must work on that