Donky Hody Road a Hors

[garza]

Monday
Dear Dairy,
I dint go to school today on account of I done ate too many collie flowers and caught the dire rear. Miss Nelson told us Friday to write down ever day this week what we done that day but today I dint do nothing on account of I never went to school and stayed home and played with Stevey Wonder my cousin Mary Jo's little boy. He's just three so he don't go to school any. His real name is Stevey Hall but daddy calls him Stevey Wonder because he says everbody wonders who the daddy is. Then daddy found out there's a singer named Stevey Wonder only he's a difernt colour and daddy laughed and said 'well I guess we done inner greated the family'.

Tuesday
Dear Dairy,
Today Miss Nelson told us all about a place called Egypt. She spelt it out and rote it on the bord and said for us to learn to spell it. E,g,y,p,t, like that. She tole us the name of the king is Fay Ro. That sounds like a girl's name and when I told daddy he laughed and said maybe he's a funny kind of a king. Miss Nelson says king Fay Ro wears a omlet on his forehead but I don't believe that. My big uncle Little Joe says when a person is embarised they have egg on there face so why would a king wear a omlet on his forehed. Maybe it's because his name sounds like a girl's name and he's embarised.

Wednesday
Dear Dairy,
Today we had a english test and I done good. Then Miss Nelson read us a animal story about Donky Hody. It was funny because Donky Hody road a hors. He had a fight with dragons that disgised their selves as windmills. My big uncle Little Joe has a windmill on his farm but it don't look like no dragon and the windmills in the book Miss Nelson showed us don't look like the real windmill on my big uncle Little Joes farm. When I told daddy the story of Donky Hody he laughed and said he would surely have loved to see a donky ride a hors. He said he was proud I go to school and learn so much and can talk real good.

Thursday
Dear Dairy,
Today we went on a field trip. That's what Miss Nelson said but its not true because we didn't go to no field. We went to the place where Country 105 is and I was happy because I wanted to see all the singers and gitar players but all we saw was a man sitting in a room pushing buttons and talking some. Then we went to the Coca-Cola place and saw a upside down milking machine squirt stuff into bottles and we each got one and drank it and it was time to go back to school and catch the bus to come home. When I told daddy what we done he laughed and said it sounded like a easy way for a teacher to get out of a days work. When I told him there wasn't no singers at the radio station he said he already knew that but didn't want me to find out until I was older and could understand things like that.

Friday
Dear Dairy,
Today is the last day on account of I have to give Miss Nelson all what I done wrote this week to her on Monday but she said we can keep on writing ever day even if we don't have to. I like writing now since I done learned English real good. Daddy looked at what I wrote and said Miss Nelson ought to give me a good grade. He laughed and said she better watch out or I will take her job. Tomorrow my cousin Little Joe Junior and me will go fishing in Black Creek in the back part of my big uncle Little Joes farm and swim some too but don't tell Mama and maybe I shud erase that part but Miss Nelson said whatever we write is find and not to erase what we have done wrote on account of everthing we write helps us to write more betterer.

[donraj]

Sorry for having nothing very constructive to say, just, I really like it! At first I thought the way you were writing the letters might be distracting, but I found it definitely served its purpose for giving the character's voice. I want to see more entries.

Oh, yeah. I would think a young boy would write "Journal", instead of 'Dairy'. I know a diary is a thing only girls use. ;)

[garza]

donraj - Thanks for your comments. This is an experiment in using an extreme example of a dialect I call Houn' Dog. It's the way my son talked while he was living with his mother's family in rural Marion County when he was about six or seven. He told me one time that he 'done good on a English test'. And 'dire rear' is exactly the way diarrhea is pronounced there. If you move into the towns you will hear something much closer to standard English, much like the narrator in the original version of 'Ralph'.

[ArcThomas]

ahahah
good stuff.
Though i expected it to finish with a punch line.
ahahah.

[wolfiesign]

That is hallarious. Considering the boy talks funny distracted me. I can't really read anything thats not plain english without getting sidetracked.

Overall, I think it's really funny and I enjoyed it.

[garza]

ArcThomas - Thank you. There is a punch line, though a very quiet one, intended as a lesson for anyone learning to write: '...everthing we write helps us to write more betterer.'

wolfiesign - Thank you. Don't tell his mother he talks funny. That's the way she talks. Well, almost.

[The Backward OX]

I have to assume that in whatever part of this universe these hillbillies reside, their school teacher is one of them and not a type apart. For, surely, if she had spoken correctly when she instructed her pupils on what they were to do each day, she would have said, “write down every day what you did that day,” and the Main Character would have learnt from her example and not said “done”.

But assumptions are dangerous things.



On an associated note, I am fascinated by your mongrel English. You spell "cheque" the way we spell it and "diarrhoea" the way US citizens spell it.

[garza]

Ox - I just now noticed your post. I tried to keep the spelling consistent the way a youngster in McRae County Central Elementary School would spell. Thus had there been a need for banking activity, a 'check' would have been written, not a 'cheque'. 'Diarrhea' is one word I have never spelt any other way, and I don't know why. There are a few others.

[michaelangelo]

I am from the South and spell it diarrhea as well. As for using Southern English instead of Standard English, I would still prefer the dialect I was raised with because the latter is value-laden and pretentious.

[garza]

Ox - I just noticed you used a good McRae County expression - 'For, surely, if she had spoken...'. And as for his teacher, you heard him say yourself that he 'done good' on an English test.

michaelangelo - So could you relate to dear dairy? Do you think I got the dialect about right, if a bit exaggerated?