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joonho1
September 23rd, 2010, 01:48 AM
Prologue


He looked at question number one on the test.

5x + 9/3 = 38. Solve for x.

He wondered what he should do first. He decided to do this-
5x + 3 = 38


5x/5 + 3 = 38/5


1x + 3 = 38/5


It was impossible to divide 38 and 5, he thought. I’ll just flip them and make it a fraction.


X + 3 = 5/38


X – 3 = 5/38 – 3


X = 5/38 – 3


I’ll just figure that out later, he thought, and went on to question two.




First Test Results




Rex got his test results for 5th period math class two days later. “Please, don’t tell anyone your test scores to anyone except your parents. I expect this signed and returned to me by tomorrow,” Mrs. Brown said in a matter-of-fact tone.
He thought he did okay. This would be the first test score of the year. He wanted to get off to a good start. Finally, he got his test paper from Mrs. Brown face-down on his desk.
69: D-
He was not happy. Neither was Mrs. Brown. Neither was Rex’s mom and dad when they signed his test.
"What is wrong with you?" Rex's mom exclaimed. "This is your first test of the year!"
“I know,” Rex replied. "It's not that bad. At least I didn't fail."
"Didn't fail!" Rex's mom said. "As long as you're my son, you're not going to come in every week with a D- staring in my face. Understand?"
In reply, Rex made the loudest stomps possible as he stormed into his room and slammed the door.
---

“Why do I keep doing so badly?” Rex asked his pet fish Harris. In return, Harris blew a few bubbles and swam away from him.
“Good friend you are,” Rex muttered. “What am I going to do? I want good grades, even though I’m more towards sports. I want to do well in school. What’s wrong...
---

The next day, he got a surprise.
“We decided that you should have a tutor,” Linda told Rex.
“What? A tutor?” Rex asked, astonished. Even though he had gotten a couple of bad report cards over the years, he didn’t think it’d come to the point where he’d need a tutor.
“I think you know that this might be best for you,” Linda said.
"No, you don't!" Rex shouted. "I don't need a tutor and never will!"
Rex's mother sighed. "We'll talk about it later." She sounded nicer than before, perhaps because she felt sorry for her temperamental outburst last night.
After breakfast, Linda told Rex, "We want you to do better, ok?" and with that, she left for work.
“I don’t care what you think,” Rex muttered under his breath after she left. But he knew that he’d have to try anything. He’d talk about it later. But today was Saturday. It was time to play some baseball out in Farrell Park.
---
The game was amazing. He scored twice, making him the MVP for his makeshift team. He didn't know about grades, but in baseball, he wasn't bad at all. Everyone knew Rex for his magical ability to hit home runs whenever he pleased.

After getting ice cream from Mario's, he thought that having a tutor wouldn’t be so bad. “We’ll see how it goes, and if I don’t think it’s effective, then I can quit whenever I want, right?” Rex told himself. “No worries.”

joonho1
September 23rd, 2010, 01:55 AM
Oh, and I don't know why, but the story's coming out single spaced... just live with it... thanks :D

garza
September 24th, 2010, 01:27 AM
This system interprets everything as html, so any formatting you do before you bring your writing here can cause confusion. Anything I write outside and bring in here I treat as though I were writing a page for an Internet site, using a text editor with no formatting except line returns at the end of paragraphs. This gives me complete control over the way my writing appears here.

And I must say that's the most creative solution for a math problemIi've seen. Please continue with the story.

Ilasir Maroa
September 24th, 2010, 01:58 AM
Loved the screw-up on the algebra problem.

This story sounds basically like what happened to me in high school calc, except I ate the D and never got a tutor.

The story itself is somewhat sparesly written. I feel like it jumps around a lot. It does do a good job of characterizing Rex as a procrastinator.

BoredMormon
September 24th, 2010, 04:33 AM
I can't stand the dialouge. It just strike me as unrealistic. People don't say what they mean in such precise terms. People aren't that clear. What they really mean is a couple of layers under the actual words. People also express emotion in what they say. Dialouge should give us an insight into the characters. All characters should be slightly different. Kids sound like kids.

'low to mediocre results' and 'if I don't think its effective' were two I thought were especially bad. But its throughout.

Ilasir Maroa
September 24th, 2010, 04:42 AM
I had some trouble with the dialogue as well. Very similar to what Mormon has mentioned. There's a lot of cliche in it, and some awkward phrasing.

garza
September 24th, 2010, 01:40 PM
The language skills displayed in the dialogue match the character's math skills. Perhaps keeping the creative math and restructuring the dialogue would be in order. As written the piece has little to recommend it once the dialogue starts. It does have the attractive quality of being about a real person in a real-life situation facing external pressures and dealing with internal conflict. This has the makings of a good story.

So joonho1, write on.

WolfieReveles
September 29th, 2010, 01:33 AM
As so many have said, the real issue is the dialogue.
Get to know your characters, role play them in various scenarios in your head. They need to grow a personality and you need to know what they would say in any given situation and how they would say it.
Base them on people you know if you like. How did your mom sound when you came home with a D?

wolfiesign
September 29th, 2010, 03:58 AM
It's overall pretty good, in my point of veiw. The only thing is, is that it's really jumpy, going from one this to another. Mabye filling in a little more would be much eaiser to read.

And I really don't mind the diolouge, considering I've seen a few children talk much more mature then that. Though the way the character acts, I really don't see him as the most intelligent person around. The math problem for one, and then the fact that he likes sports much more as well. Kids liek that, useually don't talk like that.

Even through all that, a wonderful piece, if I might say. Continuing would be awesome! Good luck!

Kordain
September 29th, 2010, 04:55 AM
read the dialogue out loud and that can help you see mistakes. or talk while writing it most people will use more contractions that you did.

over all i liked it. i'm the kinda guy who likes it when people get to the point without all the extra baggage. yea i know details and description is important but sometimes people go overload and then i get no plot and no action on part of the characters.

joonho1
October 11th, 2010, 05:09 PM
Hi, sorry I couldn't get to this story, I had no idea I even posted it on the forums until now :D I jst got bored, so I sort of took my previous life and tried to make it into a fictional story :D
It's a first draft, and I know it sucks. The writing style is not that great, and there's many details needing to be worked out. I personally think it goes too fast. I think I'm going to try to involve LESS math in the short story... :)

I'll read the comments and post another one later.

Thanks for the feedback, though! :D

joonho1
October 11th, 2010, 05:22 PM
I'm done reading the comments... thanks for all the positive feedback and construstive criticism! :)

I understand what you're talking about, and I've made some changes. I'll continue to make more, and if you're still not 'amazed', just leave a quick reply. Part two will come in the near future- I'll let you know when :)

Thanks!

EDIT: @Garza (first post)- Regarding the 'creative solution'- I only tried to get the problem wrong :D If you're wondering, the actual answer is 7. 38-3 = 35, /5 is 7.

garza
October 11th, 2010, 06:28 PM
The answer is obvious just looking at the equation, no pencil needed.

With this kind of problem the maths teacher is looking for the method used to get the answer. And if the teacher were looking for the most creative method, rather than the correct one, what you have would be rated perfect.

joonho1
October 11th, 2010, 11:42 PM
Yes, it is one of the most creative... I can't see how special you could go with any other problem...
Anyways, I'm putting finishing touches on the next part.