View Full Version : Demonbane --another of the many things i'm working on-- first 5 chpters

Gabriel Patterson
September 19th, 2010, 05:25 PM
once again...just a draft


The stench of death filled the place, and there was going to be a banishment take place here. That was all Samuel Demonbane knew. The cavern he was in was filled with stalactites and stalagmites, rubies and sapphires. It was glittering all around the accursed place and he couldnt wait to get out. His skin was crawling from the unseen demonic majiks coursing through the tunnels of the cave. This was going to be the place of a victory of mankind, a defeat of demons and, more than likely, Samuels death. All the work I put forth to get here. Itll finally pay off, tonight. After this final battle I can rest, get married, have children and then diethat is, if I survive. No! think positive, Samuel, youll survive. You have to. Karleth is awaiting your return. But deep down, he knew he wouldnt return to see his fiances smiling face, or to have a true-born child with her. His one and only son would be a bastard, and it was all because of this decision. He had to do this.
Jake! Get that incense over here now! Oscar, hurry up and get that symbol on the ground! he yelled to his allies.
Just then, as if he had spoken a spell of summoning, a dark figure rose from the ground, with tendrils of darkness rising around him, sucking the very light from the air surrounding him. And as if to announce his presence a stalactite hanging overhead fell to the ground with a loud crash. I am Elementos! the figure boomed.
And Im going to banish you! Samuel yelled in response. But Elementos just laughed. Laugh while you can, but youre going back to the thirteenth Hell tonight!
With those last words said Elementos raised his hand and a fire ball leapt out, big enough to engulf a mammoth. The instant light that the fireball generated was enough to see the demon clearly.
Samuel had only heard of him in stories, He is as tall as eighteen men, a draegn, and just as wide, was what one of said stories said. But what he saw held none of those stories described.
What he could see was a man in robes colored red, green, blue, and gray. The colors symbolized the four base elements: fire, earth, water, and wind. There was also a small black circle in the center of his chest symbolizing one of the two creation elements: Darkness. He was supposed to be an Overlord of Hell, but all Samuel saw was an old, frail, mad magus trying to pass off as a demon. Until he raised his arms and began chanting.
The dozen small tendrils of Shadow surrounding him as he rose from the ground came forth devouring all light. They separated and converged on the fireball, devouring it as well as the light. You actually thought that would send me back? he inquired.
No, I was hoping it would stall you, Samuel replied. Jessica, put the sword through the symbol, now! he ordered. But when he turned around he saw blood spurting from where Oscars head had once been. All that was left of Jake was his silver hair, and Jessica was being held up at the throat by a demon with one horn and a screwed up face.
Icantyouhave, her face was purple but she managed to get it out, to finish it, was all she got out before the knife materialized in the demons hand and shot into her gut. The blade was a glittering ruby when it pulled the knife out. The demon licked it.
Samuel almost puked when he saw what was being done. Mind darting from trying to remember the incantation and his dead comrades, he ran to where the sword lay abandoned. Elementos only laughed when he saw the sickness in Samuels face which was so easily read. He raised his hand and, as if to mock Samuels pain, said in a way that it echoed off the walls so that there was no way Samuel couldnt hear, Let me end your suffering.
After he finished saying that a large ball of pure darkness raced towards Samuel. But he reached the sword and said, Not this time. Not ever again. You wont ever cause pain anyone again! Youre reign of terror and destruction on Gaea ends here and now! Now go back to where you belong, TO HELL! Samuel shouted and plunged the sword in the middle of the symbol drawn on the ground. Elementos flew from where he was standing to where the sword was jutting out of the ground. The darkness from his hand made its target known though.
The last things that cave ever knew were: Elementoss agonized face, Samuels screams of pain, and its own submission into the earth once more.
For another thousand years.
Remember what was in the lecture and demonstration today! my instructor practically screeched. But its kind of hard to remember anything when some guy is running at you with a sword. He came at me with a side-slash so I ducked. When he carried out the slash his momentum kept him going so he tripped over my outstretched leg. I used this to my advantage as when his sword was right above my head I shot my sword-hilt straight up and struck his hand. I made him drop his sword and I jumped up and stuck the blade of my broad-sword against his throat until I heard Victor: Jason Blakhart!
I am in the final year of my instruction at Blackwolf Academy. Blackwolf Academy is not only just a school for knights-in-training; its the best. Its located in the rolling emerald hills of the country known as Karleth, named after the beautiful maiden Samuel Demonbane abandoned one thousand years ago, to put an end to the menacing evil of Elementos.
Class dismissed, said the instructor as he waved his hand. As I walked out of the classroom Nathan walked up and asked how I pass that class. I told him Very carefully, my friend. Very carefully.
Sara Starante is a little shorter than I with nice, long legs, long, flowing black hair, and round, full breasts with a butt to die for; whenever I looked at her I always imagined wings on her back, and could actually almost see them. She reminded me of the messengers of the gods, known as anjols that much. She is also in her final year of instruction. But she attends Whitehawk Academy. It is a school of magicians who are learning the White Arts of majik. She has also been my lover ever since I could hold a job and she could hold a spell without blasting half a city block away.
Her philosophy in majik is this: you cant hit what you cant see. So of course she constantly practices invisibility spells.
Hey Jason, said the air in her voice.
Hello, my love, I replied. I walked over to where I heard the voice. She started materializing. When I reached her I put my arms around her waist and kissed her. This went on for about ten minutes and then she pulled away and started laughing. And what, may I ask, is so funny? I asked in a pleasant voice.
She held up a sack of coins. Your money, she replied, You left it at my houseagain.
I took the sack, Thank you, I said. I put the sack in my jacket pocket and buried my face in her beautiful black hair. I love you.
And I you, my heart, she replied as she disappeared while muttering something in a tongue I couldnt recognize.
Thats the thing. Whitehawk students arent allowed on Blackwolf grounds, and vice-versa. The punishment for either one is suspension or expulsion. Its for some stupid secrecy reason that I still dont fully understand. The punishment for going onto the grounds of The Citadel of Serpents is normally death though. School of assassins. Very pleasant place.
A few hours later, after classes were over, I walked into my house. I went into the den to see Sara sitting on the sofa. Hi, I said.
She turned her head to look at me, grinned, and jumped up from where she was sitting. She walked over to me and I wrapped my arms around her again. I saw in her eyes that she was afraid of something. She wrapped her arms around my neck, seeking comfort. Whats wrong? I asked.
A demon, she began, has broken free of one of the Thirteen Seals. I gaped. The Thirteen Seals of Hell were put in place by the Seven Warriors of Light to keep the Overlords of Hell in Hell.
Which one? I asked.
Elementos, she replied. I remembered hearing of him, my ancestor from a millennia ago, Samuel Demonbane, banished Elementos back to Hell, martyring himself in the process. I had to make sure though.
Um. You wouldnt mean the Elementos, would you? Please say no.
Oh, crap.

Just then I heard the towns defense alarm bells start ringing and people started shouting draegn! To arms! There is a draegn attacking the Blackwolf Academy! Draegns, giant, scaled creatures that apparently have some control over the elements. They also happen to be Elementoss weapons of choice. Oh gods.
I darted out the door with Sara hard on my heels. The sun was blocked out and the moon wasnt visible so it wasnt possible to know if it was day or night. There wasnt a cloud in the sky. On the rooftop of the Academy were seven senior knights wearing the ceremonial armor of the Demon Hunters of the old days. Back when there were demons roaming the land there was an organization of the most skilled knights in the lands formed. They were and are known as the Demon Hunters of the Light. Right above them was a huge, black draegn. On its back rode a man with a colorful robe that had a small black circle in the chest.
This is the modern Demon Hunters of the Light? he boomed. He began to laugh. This is what happens when you attempt to stop one of the Thirteen Overlords of Hell! Stand there and die! He raised his hands and a huge ball of black fire materialized in front of them. I immediately recognized it as Hellfire. Black fire that casts no light, you can guess where it originated. The enormous sphere shot towards the Academy. The lower half of it was obliterated. The Demon Hunters leapt down from their spots and landed feet first on the ground. One of them, apparently the leader, walked out in front of them. Now, tell me where Samuels spawn is! I know he is here! shouted the demon lord.
You can burn, demon! You never learn, do you? We will not surrender him! yelled the Hunter in front.
Then you will die! After the demon finished his statement a tendril of darkness shot toward the Hunter and struck him through the heart.
The remaining Hunters charged the draegn carrying the demon. Once they reached the beast a shaft of lightning struck the ground and everything went white for a split second. When everything was visible again the Hunters lay scattered across the ground, dead, and the sky was once again blue.
I began to think in horror what this being was capable of. I turned around to look at Sara and she was staring wide-eyed at me, mouth gaping. I put my arms around her to comfort her. She was broken out of her trance. She threw her arms around my neck and began to cry. Were all going to die, she said in between sobs.

Jason Blakhart, a voice behind me said about an hour later. I turned my head to look at him. He was a broad-shouldered knight about as tall as I.
Yeah? I replied.
Come with me please. He turned around and walked off. I turned my head to look at Sara and met her big brown eyes.
Go, she said, Im ok, you go, see what he wants. So I kissed her good bye, turned, and sprinted to catch up with the knight.

I caught up with him quickly enough; he led me to an open field. I saw two fully armored knights and another unarmored one. I instantly knew what was going on. Graduation was a ceremony every member of the Academy wanted to be a part of, it was where a student became a full-fledged knight.
Jason Blakhart, one of the knights began, you have proven yourself time and time again. Now, it is time for your final test. If you defeat this man, he pointed to the unarmored knight, you will graduate.
Draw your sword, Jason, the other began, and let this test begin.
I did as I was told and slid my blade from its sheathe. The unarmored knight charged me unsheathing his own claymore as soon as my broad-sword was clear of its scabbard. I barely had time to dodge his first strike. He swung his blade in an upward motion and I stepped to the side, he jabbed at me and I blocked it with the flat of my sword. He stepped, feigned a side-slash, swooped his blade up and finished with a strike straight down that nearly knocked me off my feet. I regained my balance, he charged me again and I stepped to the side and tripped him. What can I say? I like to fight dirty. He hit the ground and I stuck the point of my blade to his throat. Yield, I said.
He put his hands up, I surrender; you win.
Victor: Jason Blakhart, both armored knights stated. I quickly sheathed my blade and turned around to face them and kneel. When I spun I saw that they were the ones kneeling. The one on the left held his hands up and resting on his palms was a large, black, shining sword. It looked as if it were made of onyx. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Wellsecond most beautiful thing Id ever seen. What they said though, shook me out of my trance. Take your sword, Jason Blakhart Demonbane.
What did you just call me? I asked, my eyes had grown as large as humanly possible.
You are the direct descendant of Samuel Taranho Demonbane. Said the one on the right. I couldnt believe what I was hearing. Demonbane, I thought. Its a title, not a name. Sir Demonbane? they asked.
Yes? I asked startled.
Please, take your weapon, they said in unison.
Uh, right. When I placed my hand on the hilt, I cant really explain it but, I could feel someones presence right beside. Wow, I breathed, so I guess now I have to be the hero. I looked at them and said, I need to go. So blade in hand I ran. I ran to the only person who would actually believe me. I ran to my love, Sara.

When I reached her house I knocked and then walked in. Sara? Love? I called. Just then the door slammed shut. I turned and saw Sara looking at me.
You need to leave, said Saras voice from behind me. I turned around and no one was there.
Invisibility spellshes hiding, I thought. Im not leaving you, I said.
Yes you are. They were here looking for you.
Who was?
The town guard, they said you helped Elementos. I dont believe them but you cant stay in the town anymore, Jason, you have to go somewhere safe. She noticed the sword in my hand. Whats that?
It is my birthright. I think Ill call it Hellbuster.
Sara, I am Demonbane now. It isnt a name, it is a title.
Oh. She sounded surprised.
If your answer remains the same tomorrow then I will leave. I kissed her on the cheek, Sara, this is my responsibility. I love you, goodbye. And I left.

I woke in the morning, feeling Hellbusters holy presence. I sat up in my bed, rubbing my eyes. In those few moments I felt a little off. When I looked over I saw something that made me feel a little weird: There was a black-cloaked figure with horns spiraling up out of its head. The room smelled of sulfur. I immediately reached over and grabbed my sword. I spun around full force, thinking that the thing was still there. Hellbuster hit the wall. Whered it go? I asked myself as I carefully got out of bed.
Im right here, Hunter, it said as it materialized out of the shadows in front of me. Ill wait before I kill you. You may yet prove to be amusing. Those were the last words he spoke before his form evaporated.
After he left the place still stank. I guess evil really does stain. I remembered though, that only the Thirteen Overlords could leave Hell without human aide. That thing was as much an Overlord as a draegn was small.
About the time the demon left a town patrol officer burst through the door. So, this is what he meant by amusing, I thought.
We have reason to believe, he began. Uhwhere is he? he said when he looked up.
I was on my horse on my way to Saras house. It wasnt but about half way there that she showed up beside me on an ethereal stallion of pure majik. Ride, I can keep up! Dont argue and if you dont want to puke, dont look back!
I didnt heed her and looked back. There was smoldering ruins of human bodies littering the pathway. One of the bodies was missing an arm, another a leg, and another half of his head, making his brains visible. It smelled like burning flesh. And then it smelled like what I ate for breakfast three mornings ago.

Every star in the night sky was shining when we finally stopped. Now tell me, since you seem to know these things before I do every time they happen, what the hell am I being charged with? I asked. No response, she was looking up at the sky with a sad expression on her face. I waited a moment. Well?
You are being hunted down for high treason against your race. You are being charged with aiding a demon into our world.
My jaw hit the gravelly ground What?
Youre being charged for something you didnt do.
I thought thats what you said.

Sara went to sleep about an hour later, head laying on a pillow she had in a pack of things she brought from home. I went to sit on a rock and get my head straight. So, I guess Im entertainment? Elementos must be rolling on the floor, laughing until tears well up in his eyes right now. I voiced my next statement. Sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder if my life is just meant for the amusement of the gods.

I woke up at a little past dawn. I slid down the branch I had slept on last night. Once I was out of the tree I saw a fire and Sara cooking over it. I was about to ask where she got the food before I saw two opened furry carcasses with their gore on the ground. I decided to keep my trap shut.
Good morning, Jason, she said as I walked up to the fire.
Uh-huh, I replied, still half asleep. I decided to patrol the area to make sure we were safe and hadnt been followed. I walked back to the tree and took Hellbuster, which was propped up against the gray trunk. Ill have to buy a sheathe for this thing, I thought. Sara, Im gonna go see if were the only ones here.
Her eyes met mine with a look of concern. Without eating anything? she inquired.
Im afraid so, love, I replied, Ill be fine, dont worry.
Just be careful. And with that she turned back to her fire and what was cooking over it.
I turned around and headed for my mount. I was about to climb atop before I realized something: the horse had no name. Hm, what shall I name you? I muttered softly. Youre fast, youre strong, and youll help me fight demons. Ill call you Nightbane. I then mounted and rode out.
The fire had just left sight when I smelled something awful. Something that burned my nostrils. Something familiar. It was sulfur being burned.
Hellbuster began glowing and I felt a holy aura surround it. I made Nightbane take two steps before I heard a voice.
Oh, mighty lords of the hells, give me the strength of one of your children. I offer you my blood in return for its blood. I offer my flesh in return for its flesh. I offer my soul in return for its obedience!
Once I overcame the shock of actually hearing one of my fellow humans utter the treasonous words of summoning and binding I dismounted and walked out into the open. I opened my mouth to speak but was froze once more by the shock of seeing the tail-end of the ritual.
It was covered in jet black scales. It had one broken horn on the left side of its head, it was evil, it rose from the portal in the ground instead of clawing free, indicating a higher ranked demon than the usual imps or the small, insectoid-like tontons. It turned its head and it saw me. Damn, I thought, so much for the element of surprise. It pointed in my direction and muttered something to the lunatic that summoned it. The warlock turned his head.
The warlock then commanded it to do something and it lunged at me. The warlock whispered something to himself and instantly three tentacles of darkness emerged from his shadow, sucking the light from everything around them into themselves.


I dodged the demon by stepping to the side but the tentacles were a different matter altogether. I ran in a wide circle, flopping, glowing, demon killing sword around in the air as well. I ran straight ahead at an angle and ran up a tree, pushing myself off about half-way with my legs, performing a back-flip. It was quite pointless. I could run all I wanted and still wouldnt get anywhere. I didnt want to know what would happen if the tentacles were to touch me, so I continued to run.
Then out of the trees burst forth a great bear and then came a cloaked man. The bear was big, brown, and looked quite angry. Its rider was big, strong, and looked quite angry. The bear ended the demons short life with a swipe of its great furry paw to the head. The force of the blow knocked the head right off, leaving a stump where the head shouldve been that was spurting black ichor.
The cloaked man had his hood up to where his face wasnt visible. the cloak was silver and had two small white wings on the back. I smelled majik there though. They werent real wings. The man raised a hand and the hungry tentacles were no more. He then uttered two words and lightning rained down on his foe. I had heard of this spell before. Ira Abs Caelum. Wrath of Heaven.
It was at that moment that the lightning dropped that Saras mount had carried her into the battlefield. She didnt help much, though. As she saw the display of majik and power she dropped her jaw as if the muscles had turned to water. From the look in her eyes and her face I could tell that she knew the winged man had this under control.
The other man held his own. He fought back with his dark majiks for a whole three seconds. A lightning bolt struck him square in the middle of the head, incinerating him on the spot.
I had never seen such majik used before. I walked five steps before the bear cut me off with a growl.
Who are you? asked the rider in a snarl.
I almost answered before I heard Leave him be, brother. We have more important things to do.
But, brother, interfered with our hunt!
Thats enough. The man glided to me using his wings and landed in front of me about two centimeters away. He beckoned for Sara to come to where we were. She came over to us and when she stopped he spoke again. My name is Antre. I am a High Priest of the Brotherhood of the Light. That is my twin vrother over there. Is name is-
The large man cut his brother off, -my name is Otto. Im a Beast Knight. A silence hung in the air which I used to introduce us.
This is my lover, Sara Starante. She is a student at the Whitehawk Academy.
Antre frowned at the mention of the Academy. What is the matter, Brother Antre? Sara squeaked, obviously still overwhelmed by his power.
Antre. Just Antre my dear. That school is extremely limited in knowledge. I could teach you more than those fools. What is your name, lad? That sword looks familiar.
My name is Jason Blakhart Demonbane. I wished I couldve had the words back as soon as they left my mouth. Otto dropped his jaw but his twins only sign of frustration was his frown and his upraised hand. It shone and looked as if it couldve lit the night sky. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Sara fall to the floor face-first. I felt my knees buckle and everything went black.

October 1st, 2010, 02:35 PM
I like your work. It's epic and depicted like an image, like something out of a movie. I think, however, that you are very capable of doing a better job. Slow down and imagine the details of the surroundings and characters. The detail of thought is also important if you want to create a realistic atmosphere for your world. I think you've got talent. Write more! I'd love to see you expand upon your ideas. The only real problem I had while reading is that your names for your characters are a bit cheesy. Eg. Jason is overused and does not fit your universe, Demonbane, Elementos, Blackhart (which is pretty good but is brought down by the other names). I just think you need to sit down and picture your world and backstory perfectly, including all the details, before you can decide what fits and doesn't fit, including the storyline and the role of your protagonist in your world. I see real potential though. I adore the conversations and italicized thoughts. They're very fluid. Also, I like how your style becomes unwittingly funny at times. It creates a very nice mood. I think you should read Richard A. Knaak, especially Warcraft's War of the Ancients Trilogy. Granted, it's based on video games, but I see the same general style and content between you and him and it's very good work anyway! Keep it up!

October 1st, 2010, 10:40 PM
There was a problem at the very beginning when I found that the first sentence begins with a clich and continues with an internal rhyme. You need to read a great deal of mainstream fiction to smooth out your story telling ability. That you have ability is obvious. That you need to read more is just as obvious.

Gabriel Patterson
October 3rd, 2010, 03:29 AM
Thank you, I will work on that :)