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Kordain
September 17th, 2010, 04:58 AM
i have so many thing running through my mind i have to write them down. like this, read enjoy if you only read the first paragraph tell me why because that means you don't like it or there is something wrong with it. don't be afraid to tell me what's what.



Fort Lance


Signal Fire

Something was wrong, that gunshot was too close, harry thought. He peered through his makeshift telescope he made, and scanned the area for about a half an hour till he saw two teenagers creeping through the foliage with rifles in their hands. They were far too close. he stopped chewing his piece of gristle and peered through the telescope, the look of surprise on their young faces. He looked over the side of his tower and saw a large buck standing not 20 meters from the base of his tower. He turned toward the two hunters and tried to get their attention without making any noise. it didn’t work. He heard a loud crack and the buck dropped over. Harry was ticked now. Those boys know they can’t hunt this far out, he thought.


He turned toward the interior of his watch tower. all there was inside was a wooden stool and a table with a few things on it, his telescope, his metal compound bow, arrows, a mortar and pestle, and a half eaten strip of deer jerky. He grabbed his bow and knocked an arrow. He stopped chewing his gristle again and pulled the string back. He took aim at his target, and let loose his red fletched blunt tipped arrow. It leapt quickly through the air and landed 15 paces away from the two hunters. They both peered up at where the arrow had come from. Harry began to wave with both his hands then waved them both towards his tower. the one that seemed much older suddenly realized what he was doing and fright was written all over his face. The younger one had only a small clue as to what they did wrong.


They both crouched down and approached Harry’s tower. they crept through the two inches of snow till they got to the base of the tower. Harry almost seething with frustration motioned them up the ladder. They silently slung their rifles over their shoulders and began to climb the makeshift ladder. Thick tree branches lashed to a large thick tree. The older one stepped up into the tower while the younger one just stood on the ladder because there was no room anymore.



“What do you think you are doing?” whispered Harry harshly.


“Yes I know I’m too far out just let me and mark take care of our kill and you keep an extra look out.” The older hunter whispered back.


“you could have endangered us all. The crack of a gun travels far, you don’t want any grey ones here do you?”


“I know, I know but we shot two other deer further back.”


“to more!?” Harry whispered in astonishment.


“hey, Uri!” hissed Mark, still on the ladder but they continued to argue slowly growing louder. “Uri!” he hissed again.


“what?” Uir hissed back.


“the grey ones.” Sure enough coming from every direction stumbling through the brush were about half a dozen grey-skinned zombies.






meanwhile, at Fort Lance “I don’t think that’s a good Idea,” Helam said.


“you won’t go,” agreed Silas.


“although it would be nice to go and find others to acquire news, but we are not ready for people to know we exist. I agree with Helam and Silas,” Bradley said.


“its final, request denied,” Helam said sternly. Helam instead of writing denied next to the official request he just placed a tally mark next to the other 11 tally marks.


“this is crazy!” yelled gary. You can’t deny me again! You three know that we need to find others and find news about what’s going on outside!”


“Gary calm down.” Silas said “This is the twelfth time you’ve been denied and…”


“I will not calm down! This is an outrage!” Gary interrupted.


“we can’t let you leave.”


“I know my way around the best and I can take care of myself better than most.” Gary responded loudly no longer yelling.


“That’s the problem. You know where we are and the way the place works. If you were compromised the rest of us would be in big trouble.” Helam said trying to reason with him.


“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.” Gary replied with determination.


“But not us.” Helam told him steadfastly.


“What of the rest of the town?” Gary questioned testing Helam.


“What of them?” Helam tested back.


“Do you really think they like you and do you think they support you?”


“Yes,” Bradley chimed in. “I may not agree on everything especially on religion but I know he speaks for the whole town.”


Gary knowing he had been defeated like every other time clenched his fists and clenched his teeth. He inched his hand toward his hand gun.


“Don’t you dare,” Silas warned.


“Sam! Welch!” called Helam. Two men with combat vests on walked through the door behind Gary. They both saw Gary’s hand and reacted. Sam and Welch both lifted their AK 47s and turned the safeties off. On both guns the selector was taped on semi automatic. Gary turned and when he saw both Sam and Welch with rifles pointed at him he took a surprised step back then walked between them out of the room.


“that was worse than the last eleven times Helam.” Bradley commented
“yea I know. I honestly don’t know what to do with him.” replied Helam


“I’m sure we’ll figure something out.” Silas turned to the two guards. “go back to your duties.”


“yes Mr. secondary,” they both said in unison and returned to the doorway in the next room.


“now that our work is done now we can relax,” Bradley said with a large sigh.


“I have the strangest feeling we aren’t going to relax,” replied Helam. Sure enough a young teenager about thirteen ran in panting. “jinx?” Helam asked with worry on his face.


“the beacon in the east has been lit and it blinked twice.”


Helam stood up so fast he knocked his seat over “Silas put us in a level two lock down. Bradley, summon the guard.” Silas ran out the door Sam and Welch were guarding. Bradley grabbed his custom made combat vest and AR-15 then bolted out a side door.


Helam ran through a door behind him and ran out with a F2000 and other combat gear and walked quickly out the door. As he walked past Sam and Welch he motioned them to follow. He pushed the front door open and walked outside. Bradley was already out side with armed men trickling out of the main door to the right of the room Helam just left.


Once there were about a dozen men present and no more arriving Helam spoke quickly, “alright boys lets go to work.”


i like zombies and i do used advice found in Max Brooks' The zombie survival guide. this is mainly for your entertainment and my advantage. speak you mind and give suggestions.

Olly Buckle
September 17th, 2010, 10:49 AM
The jump from tower to settlement needs a better signpost, it is confusing as it is
The first few sentences could be structured better, try reading them aloud, it helps show up where something is awkward.
You nock an arrow rather than knocking it.