View Full Version : "Rook"

September 13th, 2010, 06:50 AM
Two years later, Malcolm Ruger could still feel his chest being ripped open by full metal jackets. It was a pain that had become far too familiar over time. Slow breaths, Malcolm. It was nothing short of a miracle he was still alive. His father, Antony Ruger, a notorious crime boss known throughout the city for his amicable demeanor, sat at a chess board engrossed in a solo match. “It's good to be back home. Around familiar faces. I mean that,” Malcolm said, trying to break the silence. Antony continued to gaze at the board. “Do you still play,” he finally asked. “No,” Malcolm replied, thrown off guard by his question. “Why not?”

Malcolm shrugged his shoulders. “I guess I outgrew it.” Antony glanced up from the board. "To outgrow chess is to outgrow life itself. I'm 61 years old. Yet not a day goes by where I don't gain growth through the sport."

“It’s different with you. “It's the ‘game of kings’ and you are a king.”

Antony sat upright in his chair, clearly incited by his son’s words. "In the game of chess, the king is the ‘weakest’ piece on the board, because he relies so heavily on those around him. It slowly becomes a more active piece towards the final stages of the game. But his true power lies in his men. Without them, he’s naked. If they apply poor tactics, he's left open for captivity. Each one is vital to his welfare. My men are my pieces, sent out into the battlefield to protect me.” Malcolm was unsure of what his father was saying. He was normally a man of silence. A deep thinker who thrived on actions rather than words. So when he did speak, it was somewhat difficult to decipher.

“Malcolm, in the midst of war, a soldier must always be privy of his environment, despite how chaotic it may be. Chess helps a man put his surroundings into perspective. Gain a greater understanding of each choice he makes. That’s why it’s such a key part of my life. It’s why I made it a part of your childhood.” “To teach me about life,” Malcolm asked. “No. To teach you how to learn from your mistakes.” Malcolm soon realized why he called him back home. “If it’s a job you need me to do, I’ll do it. But…when those bullets hit me, I changed. I’m moving slower. Breathing different.” Antony turned his back to the chess board. “Sometimes you have to walk through darkness to gain clarity. Those shots may have sidetracked you. But they didn’t take away your marksmanship.”

Malcolm gathered his thoughts for a moment. “I’m gonna need the right equipment.” Antony reached underneath his desk, pulling out a nickel-plated .44 Magnum revolver. “No serial number. Hollow point bullets, your favorite.”Antony saw the reluctance on his son’s face. “I’ve already assigned Cipher Gods throughout the city. Be assured: you won’t be put in harm’s way. You are my strongest piece. Most won’t make it, but you…I need you to deliver the finishing move. I need you until the very end.” Malcolm shifted in his chair. “Who’s the hit for?” “We’ll discuss that later. I just need your word on this because I’m giving you mine. $1 million. Get this done. Take it. Then, you can begin your new life. No strings attached.”

Malcolm gave his father a look of concern. Did he truly know what he was doing? Antony knew it would be hard to let his son go, but it was time to release his grasp. He extended his arms, welcoming his son back home in a heartfelt embrace, because soon, he would walk away for good.

September 13th, 2010, 07:29 PM
I did not take breaks while reading this or skip a single line. The story was very engaging, and the writing set the personality of the characters very well. The characters really came to life because of everything: the chess analogy, the well placed and succintly written dialogue, the paragraph breaks.

A few comments:
(1)Sometimes it was difficult to follow who was saying what. For example, the last sentence in the first paragraph stating "Why not" should be moved down a line so that it doesn't appear like Malcolm said it.
(2) The subject you write on is not what I usually read so I'm unfamiliar with what other writers writing on the same subject write like. Therefore, I can't optimally judge your writing.

But I liked it.

September 13th, 2010, 10:10 PM
Well done! I was hooked right from the first sentence and could see the whole senario playing out as I read. As was already mentioned, it was hard to understand who was speaking in certain places, but that is something that a little formatting would correct. Loved the chess analogy and it was tied seamlessly into the story. This sounds like it could be part of a novel, is it?

September 14th, 2010, 05:06 PM
This sounds like it could be part of a novel, is it?


I'm glad you and ladyauthor pointed out the difficult in understanding who was speaking at certain moments. I felt that would be a problem, so it's good to see that I wasn't the only one.

Ladyauthor: I'm unfamiliar with this subject as well. I'm just testing my versatility as a writer right now while studying authors who write in this vein, such as Donald Goines.