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My Will
September 7th, 2010, 12:25 PM
Hi guys I'm new. would love some feedback on my story.

Love in a Box.
We had met at a dog show. I hadnt liked him at first. He tied ribbons in the dogs hair and I hated that. But he kept on speaking to me all day and, by the end of it, had somehow grown on me. I left him with my number. On the way home I giggled to myself.
Still got it at sixty,

I moved into his house a year after we met. We fell into a life together. He wasnt a romantic man; he had never even said I love you. While I admitted to myself that I had wished for a big love, full of romance and affection, I thought at my age I was lucky to find anyone at all.

The years passed, and I never saw a sign of real love from him. I tried to accept it, but it broke my heart. He shared some of himself with me, but I knew there was more to him. One summer I found out. There was a room in the back of the house that was locked; I knew this was where I would discover his secrets. I had found the key to the room but hadnt decided if I should use it.

On Wednesday evenings he went to bingo with his daughter. I finally took the opportunity. I stood outside his sacred room wanting to go in there so badly. I wanted to know what he did in there for all of those hours, but I was afraid, afraid to break his trust, afraid of what I might find. With doubts in my mind I opened the door.
The room was very feminine, brimming with dolls and scents of perfume. I knew this had been his wifes room.

There was a box in the middle of the room; it was full of letters. I knelt beside it and pulled one out. It read:
I remember a time in the park, I was so angry at you; I was pulling out my hair, but you just smiled and said I love you
It was not his hand writing, it must have been hers.

I tasted the salt before I realized I was crying. Now I knew that he couldnt say he loved me because he didnt. All of his love was in this box.

Mike
September 7th, 2010, 12:43 PM
This could be turned into a much longer, more descriptive story. It definitely has potential.

garza
September 7th, 2010, 08:18 PM
It has quite a bit of power as it is.

I would make one change. Shift the first sentence from past perfect to simple past tense. 'We met at a dog show.'

My Will
September 8th, 2010, 01:11 PM
Thanks guys. I will take away the 'had.' Also just wondering is it true that if you post a story online that it can no longer get published?

garza
September 8th, 2010, 04:57 PM
My Will - No, that's not necessarily true. Some publishers will reject anything that has been published in any form, including posting on an Internet forum, but others are not so concerned about publication on the Web or publication in a small journal, newspaper, or such. Obviously the New Yorker will not buy anything already published in Atlantic Monthly, but might overlook previous publication in the McRae County Review of Literature or in a forum such as this.

This is where you need an agent who keeps up to date and can tell you what is and what is not allowed. Barring that, you can query individual publishers about their policies regarding previous publication.

My Will
September 8th, 2010, 06:43 PM
Thanks for the info:) How do you go about getting an agent? It seems hard from the limited research Ive done.

ArcThomas
September 8th, 2010, 07:51 PM
it was a quiet pleasant read.