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mochastain
September 7th, 2010, 12:28 AM
I wrote this story over the summer in the course of about...I believe an hour (I know, right, it usually takes me a WEEK to churn out something like this!) I plan to include it somewhere in one of my novels and as of now, this scene was supposed to take place somewhere in the middle. I'd explain what events preceeded but I think there's enough hints to guess. This piece is what I call the 'hint-hint-nudge-nudgey' scene between my two male protagonists of the book, if you catch the meaning. Well, enough explanation aside, here it is. I would like a few pointers so I can perhaps clean this up. Thank you!

The rusty scent of blood hit the air as Seth fell from the fence, landing with a thud onto the concrete.
Hawk turned back with a swerve. “Seth, are you-“
“Fine, fine.” Seth pulled himself up to a stand and walked ahead of the others. In the distance, the whine of sirens grew gradually softer. “Let’s catch up with the others, shall we?”
“That was a close one,” Hawk looked back at the alley as Seth caught up with him.
The smell of the blood was sharp as Seth walked at his side. Seth rubbed his hand into his jeans, looking at his hand oddly. Hawk glanced and where Seth’s hand had been, a black smear was left.
“Seth, are you sure you’re okay?”
Seth shrugged. “Yes, fine. A little scratched up, but fine.”
“Let me see your hand.”
“Hawk, I’m alright-” Hawk took his hand and held it under the street light, his eyes narrowing as he scanned the wound.
“You’re going to need some attention for this. It’s really deep.”
Seth pulled his arm back to his side. “Well, yes it does look a bit nasty.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty bad. You want me to clean it up for you before we go find the others?”
“You know how to do this?”
“Yeah, my step mom’s shown me a few things. There’s some bandages and stuff at my place, we’re about five minutes away since this is the Laundromat.”
“Well, alright.”


* * *
“I think it should be on this shelf- yeah, here it is.” Hawk removed a blue box from the medicine cabinet, setting it down on the sink counter. “Go ahead and sit down,” he said, motioning to the edge of the tub.
Seth obeyed, sitting down, facing his palm to the ceiling, eyes focused on the wound, occasionally glancing to Hawk preparing the first aid kit.
Hawk walked into the shower room with the box opened. “Okay, let me look at that again.”
Seth held his hand out and Hawk took it in his. He pressed a damp cloth to the gash, gently rubbing against the hardened blood.
“You know, I think I was wrong about you.”
Hawk set the cloth down, Seth’s hand mostly clean but ashen toned. Blood bubbled to the surface of the gash, which Hawk laid the cloth against once more. “What do you mean by that?” He dripped cleaning alcohol onto another cloth and replaced this with the damp cloth.
As Hawk removed a needle and thread from the kit, Seth leaned back against the tiles. “Well…we don’t hate each other quite as much as we used to. I mean, I guess we can tolerate each other a little better now.”
Hawk smiled slightly. “I guess we’re almost friends.”
“Yes, I suppose we are.”
“Hold still, I’m not much with sewing.” Hawk held the needle above Seth’s palm, grasping Seth’s wrist and holding his hand steady. “It might hurt a little.”
Seth gasped slightly in pain as Hawk pierced Seth’s skin, stringing the thread through the gash. He watched in quiet fascination as Hawk worked the needle through the cut, drawing the two sides together.
“Jesus!” Seth exclaimed as Hawk tied the two ends of the string together tightly. He bit his bottom lip hard with the tips of his fangs as Hawk rubbed cleaning alcohol on top of his handiwork.
“I told you it would hurt a little.”
“A little?”
Hawk placed the thread and the needle back in the kit, taking out the roll of bandages. “We’re almost done, so don’t be a baby about this.”
Hawk rolled the bandages around Seth’s palm, taking the Sanaedhal’s wrist and gently winding the roll around his hand until the stitched up wound was covered.
Seth took his hand and flexed it, looking his hand over. “Not bad, you’ve done a decent job.”
Seth glanced up at Hawk and for a moment, neither found anything to say.
Seth cleared his throat, rising from his seat. “Well, uh, thank you. Great job, really.”
Hawk, turning away, set the first aid kit back in the medicine cabinet. “You’re…welcome.”
Seth smiled, removing his cell phone from his jeans pocket. “Ruby’s left a message on my phone, I see.”
Seth,
Where r u? We r all going home, been looking for you and Hawk. Worried. :(
“I guess we don’t need to go looking for them then, Ruby says they’re heading home.”
Seth typed a message to Ruby and pressed send, walking towards the bathroom door. “Well, I should probably get going then…won’t Sam be coming soon?”
“I’ll, uh, walk you home. You’re not far anyway.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, come on, we’ll go out the back like before.”


* * *
“Well, thank you again for fixing me up, I appreciate it.”
“No problem. This should be your place over here, right?”
“Yes, looks like Andrew’s already gotten here.” Seth’s window was partially open, facing the elm tree. “Well, I’ll be going now. Goodbye, then.”
Seth walked to the Hollow’s house and Hawk stood, watching as Seth scaled the elm tree. Seth climbed the tree with ease, then slid open the window and slipped into his room, shutting his window and going out of view.
Hawk turned to leave, taking a final glance back before walking away.

mochastain
September 7th, 2010, 10:11 PM
When reviewing, please keep in mind that this does take place in the middle of the book so I admit some characters and some events are referenced without explanation. It might look better in the context of a novel...

mochastain
September 8th, 2010, 08:34 PM
-deleted by author-

mochastain
September 9th, 2010, 06:32 PM
-this post has been erased by the author)

garza
September 9th, 2010, 07:24 PM
I just now saw it and read it. As a scene from a novel, understanding that the context would explain what's going on, it's a good piece of writing. You've given me a pretty good picture of these two characters in a very short space, which indicates that in a novel-length work your characters would be well developed and believable.

Sorry I didn't see this sooner.

mochastain
September 9th, 2010, 07:58 PM
Thank you for reading it!
(And for everyone who saw my last post before I took it down, I'm really sorry. I probably overreacted a bit...but I've had a really stressful week so if that's enough of an excuse....)
Yeah, I'm hoping I can add this scene to the story later. This is basically how I often develop my characters, I either start a non-canon short story (For example I just wrote a short story taking place about nine years before this scene where these characters as children are attending a birthday party for Seth's cousin at Chuck-E-Cheese.) or if I haven't written a lot of their story yet, I write the scene I need.

garza
September 9th, 2010, 08:07 PM
Whatever system works best for you is the system to use. Keep writing.