View Full Version : Amazingly Kickass Adventures[Mild Language]

September 6th, 2010, 03:06 AM
This is a Fiction-based RPG that my friend and I made. If you're interested, you can continue on to read here (http://amazinglykickassadventures.webs.com/adventures2.htm) and help us progress the storyline.


In ye olden days, where dragons and bitter in-laws roamed the Earth, there existed the mystical land of Greece (which may or may not have been totally made up). Life was better then: people lived out their simple lives in something approximating peace, sacrificed their children in hordes to angry all-powerful gods, and went out to ye olde bar-clubs to fuck their brains out and drink down unreal quantities of mind-bending stuffs. All was well, if boring.

And then Amazingly Kickass Adventures started. Life instantly became cooler (and much more dangerous) wherever the party deemed fit to travel. But mostly life got cooler.
Especially for those reading.

At any rate, ye olde party is chock full of brave adventurers with which to have kickass adventures. These brave and noble adventures are as follows:

-Wallacles (http://amazinglykickassadventures.webs.com/Miscellaneous/Wallace.png) (or Wallace, I guess), the simple farmer. He hath not good educations, but that is more than made up for by the brawn provided by his hefty ass. Should the party ever require the brute force or paperweight-potential provided by Wallace's enormous folds of flab, they shall be well-provisioned.
-Joeaclesius (http://amazinglykickassadventures.webs.com/Miscellaneous/Joe.png) (who also goes by Joe), the white-collar fisherman. A soulless drone who spends day and night drawing in cold harvests of *Greekfish* for his cruel overlords. Joe has been left bitter by years of torture and humiliation -- going to bed at night drowning in sorrow. But enough about the size of his *Dick*. Joe is, on the whole, the only person the party can count on to do the jobs everybody else would go to Superhell for. Since he's already got a spot reserved down there anyways, the most might as well be made of him.
-Bitchasspunkemnon (http://amazinglykickassadventures.webs.com/Miscellaneous/Steve.png) (also known as "Steve" on the streets), the weed merchant. Steve has a gift. It was from a friend years ago. Just thought it would be cool to mention that. Anyhow, Steve is really really really good at selling shit. Most of it's Steve-brand merchandise and *Weed* (advertised to give anything from +5 Menchanting to +7 Sexromancy), but some of it's vaguely useful from time to time. Steve is chill, dude, and whenever the party needs a plan to get out of various problems, he'll probably have a solution he'd be ready to sell.

And that's about it. Why in the blue fuck are you reading this anyways? You should be experiencing some Adventures of the Amazingly Kickass (http://amazinglykickassadventures.webs.com/adventures.htm) variety. Go now!
And don't break too much shit along the way.

Chapter 1


The party members, with nothing better to do, have decided to forgo spending another boring night in their empty, meaningless lives at home, and have instead decided to go to ye olde bar-club for an extremely exciting night in their empty, meaningless lives.

Upon reaching ye olde bar-club, the party discovers that it is filled to ye olde brim with ye olde *Greekbrew* and an impressive selection of ye olde whores. One of them immediately attempts to ensnare Wallace, who engages her in a lively debate concerning the astoundingly long and thick *Cornstalk* he has grown.

Joe eyes ye olde whore lustily, but, as a white-collar fisherman in today's troublesome economy, is clearly unable to pay for her. Putting it on his tab probably wouldn't work out too hot either, considering that Joe is already in deep shit with most of the other local bar-club bitches. With his financial options limited, Joe instead attempts to entice the whore with his well-cherished *Rod*. It has often been his only companion in those lonely trips out at sea, and damned if it won't also be his trusty wingman while he tries to impress olde prostitutes.

In contrast to his compatriots, who are all facing brave and heroic personal dilemmas, Steve sells *Weed*, along with other outstanding Steve-brand merchandise. Life of the party, that Steve.

With the setting thoroughly established, the party takes a rough five seconds away from forgetting their troubles (with the assistance of copious quantities of bitches, booze, and bongs) to notice the other folks who are staying at this reputable bar-club. It's rather a lively crowd tonight; at one horse sits a party of philosophers, who wish to slay the evil demon that is ignorance (or, at least, the arbitrary concept of ignorance. The quest has been delayed until such time as the concept of ignorance can be defined). At another horse sits a lone horserider, who is singing angrily into his *Greekbrew*. It is not considered wise to engage in any kind of social interaction with this horserider, but caution be fucked when you're loaded with Steve-brand *Weed* (advertised to give +5 Menchanting skill).

At any rate, the party is not merely interested in drinking the night away -- they want to do some shit here.

And, indeed, it would appear that shit's about to go down.

Though Chapter 2's already done at the link I provided above, feedback is always welcome and participation in progressing the storyline is encouraged.