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J.E. Blackworth
July 18th, 2010, 12:12 AM
Sometimes he wondered.

He wondered what life would've been like
if it hadn't come down to this.
He wondered because everything was under a new rule
unfamiliar to him. As an adaptive man
he took it openly and almost felt like
learning from it. But still, some things
made him wonder deeply.

He'd wondered a lot as well.



Sometimes he laughed.

He laughed at himself and what his life would've been
if it hadn't come down to this.
He laughed at his futile attempts of having his
sweetheart back to him. As a humorous man
he saw how stupid it had been, and almost felt like
forgetting it. But still, some things unforgotten
made him laugh heartily.

He'd laughed a lot as well.




Sometimes he wept.

He wept for his life and what his life would've been
if it hadn't come down to this.
He wept because he missed something
so very dear to him. As a sensitive man
he felt his smashed heart burning and he almost felt like
giving it up. But still, some things lost forever
made him weep bitterly.

He'd wept a lot as well.


(My first poem here... I always feel a bit nervous when posting, haha! But I hope you enjoy this, and do not fear to crit!)

Linton Robinson
July 18th, 2010, 12:19 AM
Bah, you call that a poem?

Just kidding. I always like to over-respond to people's nervousness.

Nice. I keep changing my mind on what to make of the He'd thing, but I'm completely sure that's your intention.

J.E. Blackworth
July 18th, 2010, 12:42 AM
Oh yes indeed, that was my intention! Thank you for your comment.

Linton Robinson
July 18th, 2010, 12:55 AM
My hits were:

- Huh?
- Male lover
- Former version of adapted self

And the moment am pretty much settled on "Sancho" (The Mexican name for the guy who sneaks in and does your woman)

SilverMoon
July 18th, 2010, 03:12 AM
Hi, J.E. I was just over at Writing Discussion and read that you found it easier to write about the opposite sex. It's only recently that I've been able to write about women. Since high school, my protagonist was always a guy. Why? Still wondering...

The repetition makes a strong poem even stronger. And there's good rythme in this.

Sometimes he wondered.

He wondered what life would've been like
if it hadn't come down to this.


Sometimes he laughed.

He laughed at himself and what his life would've been
if it hadn't come down to this.


Sometimes he wept.

He wept for his life and what his life would've been
if it hadn't come down to this.



A very sensitive portrait. lin got it but you have to let me in on it !
He'd wondered a lot as well.

Really well done. Laurie

J.E. Blackworth
July 18th, 2010, 04:17 PM
but you have to let me in on it !

I think lin's hits were most excellent, I will not open the poem up more than that ;D
Thank you so much for the comment, I appreciate it!

SilverMoon
July 18th, 2010, 04:26 PM
You're welcome, J.E. I hope you feel free in the future to allow your work to be open up for interpretation/dialouge. It benefits the writers, readers and spirit of the group.
A rich poem and would love to read more of your work! Laurie