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Gumby
July 12th, 2010, 02:39 AM
removed

MeeQ
July 12th, 2010, 03:10 AM
This is brilliant in it's simplistic view on 'neat and tidy'.

While I find no emotional connection myself, i'm sure this will fly home for many.

It's a just reward to see your writing come so far. While you were never as bad as me; your writing has blossomed into something beautiful.



than the scritch, scratch, scree-
the awful things I cannot see,


Clever, very very clever. My favourite of this piece.

Gumby
July 12th, 2010, 03:20 AM
Thank you MeeQ. You must be one of those who have a very orderly mind then? How I envy you! I've had many sleepless nights because of those scritch, scratch, scree's that just won't shut up. :)

You Wont Know Me
July 12th, 2010, 03:24 AM
Hey, nice poem.

I agree with MeeQ,


scritch, scratch, scree-

really did it for me.

I thought the starting was good and solid too, despite the image of nails on a chalkboard being perhaps a little cliché

Gumby
July 13th, 2010, 02:09 PM
Hi YWKM! Thank you for the read and comment. I used a common image of nails on a chalkboard because it is so well known, there's no mistaking how hard that sound is to ignore, as a comparison for my mental turmoil. I'm glad it didn't distract too much for you. :)

vangoghsear
July 13th, 2010, 02:27 PM
I like the metaphor and the imagery in this Gumby. The poem's structure and rhyme scheme seems to vary a bit across the stanzas, but I don't find that too disturbing. The theme of the poem works very well for me. Yes, I am one of you. My mind is a tangled web of undone projects and clutter. The difference is, I ignore its clawing and screeching. :)

Gumby
July 13th, 2010, 02:40 PM
My mind is a tangled web of undone projects and clutter. The difference is, I ignore its clawing and screeching. :smile:


What is your secret, Master? Please reveal it to your humble student! :) Thanks, van. I was experimenting with different rhyme schemes, I'm glad it didn't throw you off too badly.

vangoghsear
July 13th, 2010, 03:14 PM
What is your secret, Master? Please reveal it to your humble student! :) Thanks, van. I was experimenting with different rhyme schemes, I'm glad it didn't throw you off too badly.You must lock all distractions into the storage shed of your mind, Grasshopper.

Actually, I was going to add, that the various rhyme schemes work within each stanza, and because they are each different, they add to the effect of the metaphor.

un named
July 13th, 2010, 08:41 PM
I actually really liked the first two lines, "the scrape of nails on a chalkboard can be easier ignored"
Even if they are cliche, its a horriable sound, and it gets your attention.
and I understand how you feel completly. keeps me from sleeping at night.

Gumby
July 13th, 2010, 09:18 PM
Thanks again un named, glad I'm not alone in those sleepless nights. :) But sorry that so many apparently have the same malody. No matter how often we throw those 'pigs' out they just keep coming. :)

Chesters Daughter
July 14th, 2010, 02:17 AM
Like Van, I lock up the nasties in a spare room and hope I'll never have reason to open the door, but in the dead of night, their constant hammering upon that door can't be denied. You've a fantastic talent for grabbing onto things that affect us all and putting them into words all of us relate to, this piece is no exception. Keep doin' you, Cindy, you are a rare gem indeed.

Gumby
July 14th, 2010, 05:38 AM
Thanks Lisa, I'll have to look into getting one of those storage room thingy's. :) Happy you enjoyed this bit of fluff.

J.R. MacLean
July 15th, 2010, 12:18 PM
This is fun, Lisa. I can see it going on, Cat in the Hat style into a longer story.

Nice avatar btw. (sigh) They grow up so fast these days, don't they?

Gumby
July 15th, 2010, 03:21 PM
Ah thanks J.R. (it's Cindy, by the way) though I love the name Lisa. :)

I know exactly what you mean about kids, mine are all grown and on their own. My youngest is 22. Now I'm looking at my grandchildren and wondering where did the time go?!!