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un named
July 9th, 2010, 08:10 AM
Tears have fallen
hearts have been broken
lies have been told
and memories have been forgotten

Honesty has become an illusion
tears are no more than pure water.
No comfort in a world cruel as this,
just broken hearts scatterd on the floor
tossed away like broken dishes.

No hope except in that of a naive child
who'll soon find there's no compassion in this life
and dreams can fall away with
the simple drop of a pen.

SilverMoon
July 9th, 2010, 05:13 PM
Hi, un named. You're getting it down! There are some things to be pointed out, so I'm going to copy your poem and note here.



Tears have fallen Cap first letter of each stanza
hearts have been broken
lies have been told,
(&) memories have been forgotten &...use "and". Here you dont need "and"

Honesty has become an illusion,
(&) tears are no more than pure water. See above. Again no "and" needed
No comfort in a world cruel as this,
just broken hearts scatterd on the floor
tossed away like broken dishes. Like this very much!

No hope except in that of a (nieve) child naive
who'll soon find (theres) no (compasion) in this life there's, compassion
and dreams can fall away with
the simple drop of a pen.

I like the ending, especially. This is certainly a "Poet's" ending! Laurie

"dreams can fall away with
the simple drop of a pen."

Gumby
July 9th, 2010, 06:17 PM
I can only second Laurie here. Punctuation is something she and I have both struggled with, and still do, at least in my case. :) Great last line!

SilverMoon
July 9th, 2010, 06:52 PM
Oh! Gumby. Still in my case, too! ,:.(?/"[...

un named
July 9th, 2010, 06:59 PM
Silver moon, thanks for the editing and the kind words!

Gumby thanks, glad you liked it and the last line is my favorite to.