PDA

View Full Version : For A Moment



Robert
June 16th, 2010, 12:04 PM
I once had a dream of the perfect kiss
With the perfect touch from the perfect lips....
My dream has been swallowed up in reality
For I have shared a kiss with an angel
As you leaned in to me ever so gently
Brushing my cheek with your own
Leaving a soft imprint of your lips upon me there
And as I turned to face your sweet smile
Our lips met purposefully, intentionally
Full, supple and complete
A kiss so intimate and innocent
As “love’s first kiss”
But as sweet and familiar
As “Honey, I’m home”
And for a moment
For a brief moment
Time stood still
The Universe was at peace
And you were mine....

SilverMoon
June 16th, 2010, 02:43 PM
Hi Robert! And welcome to the Poetry board! What a beautiful sentimental poem. You describe that special kiss some of us have had the pleasure of experiencing, bringing us back to that first moment! What a lucky person to have known that.


I hope you don't mind but I've taken the liberty of breaking your poem down into stanzas. It reads so much easier this way rather than narrative style. We believe a poem reads easier if we also just cap the initial word of the first stanza so I 've given you an example of both.



I once had a dream of the perfect kiss
with the perfect touch from the perfect lips....

My dream has been swallowed up in reality
for I have shared a kiss with an angel

As you leaned in to me ever so gently
brushing my cheek with your own,
leaving a soft imprint of your lips upon me there

And as I turned to face your sweet smile
our lips met "purposefully", "intentionally" just need one or the other

Full, supple and complete
a kiss so intimate and innocent
as “love’s first kiss”

But as sweet and familiar
as “Honey, I’m home”

And for a moment I like the repeat of "moment"!
for a brief moment
time stood still

The Universe was at peace See how the last lines makes an impact now?
and you were mine....


I hope to read more of your poems for this one put me in such good spirit.

A delight to read! Laurie

Reese
June 17th, 2010, 01:53 AM
"But as sweet and familiar
As “Honey, I’m home”

A kiss doesn't necessarily mean a person is "home." A kiss can mean many things. A kiss can be discarded. A kiss can be thrown to the wayside. It doesn't mean anyone is home.

What else makes you think of this other person, besides a kiss? What else makes you think of "her" more inimately? (Btw, no vaginal probes...LOL.)

I can understand the significance of a kiss...but many people kiss. Tell me what else makes you think of her.

wacker
June 19th, 2010, 01:34 AM
"But as sweet and familiar
As “Honey, I’m home”


"A kiss doesn't necessarily mean a person is "home." A kiss can mean many things. A kiss can be discarded. A kiss can be thrown to the wayside. It doesn't mean anyone is home."


I think Laurie was talking about the familiar phrase "honey, I'm home". The kiss however is linked to that phrase by its familiarity to the person being kissed. When have been kissed intimately by those lips for what seems like an eternity, you become "familiar" with those lips.
It can be something to do with the way you kiss, OR it can be something as simple as the taste of her lip balm/ lipstick that does it for the person.
Either way that kiss according to the character is so familiar to her as the saying "honey, I'm home"

wacker

Reese
June 19th, 2010, 01:45 AM
No, come on, the person dreams of a perfect kiss and then fulfills it at the end of a poem? Really? When has that ever happened?

Dude, really, re-evaluate your poem and try again.