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elizabeth_472
June 13th, 2010, 06:22 PM
Please give me back my heart.
I never said you could keep it.
I only said you could borrow it.
For like an hour or two.

I really do think I need that back.
I feel kind of funny without it.
I mean, it is a vital organ after all.

So why do you want my heart?
You have a perfectly well functioning one of your own.

Didnít anyone ever tell you
itís not nice to take things that arenít yours?
Because if no one has, then I will.
Itís not nice to take things that arenít yours.

Iím concerned about what youíll do with it.
My heart is an extremely sensitive thing.
It needs love and love and love and love and
love and love and more love.

Oh, so you say you can care for it sufficiently?
You believe that? You truly do?
Very well, then. You may keep it.
Then give me your heart as collateral for mine.

Pandora
November 19th, 2013, 05:52 PM
Oh so clever elizabeth_472, the read playful and very real, natural. Then by last line you give the reader
life in a few words, just perfection on what exactly our hearts are for, giving . . .
and needing collateral . . . dedication in return.
Really enjoyed Please Give Me My Heart Back from title to last word, just great!

dannyboy
November 19th, 2013, 10:19 PM
Please give me back my heart.
I never said you could keep it,
only that it could be borrowed
for like an hour or two.

I really do think I need it back.
I feel kind of funny without it;
I mean, it is a vital organ after all.

So why do you want my heart?
You have a perfectly well functioning one of your own.

Didn’t anyone ever tell you
it’s not nice to take things that aren’t yours?
Because if no one has, then I will -
it’s not nice to take things that aren’t yours.

I’m concerned about what you’ll do with it.
Being an extremely sensitive thing,
it needs love and love and love and love and
love and love and more love.

Oh, so you say you can care for it sufficiently?
You believe that? You truly do?
Very well, then, you may keep it
when give me your heart as collateral.

Nice work just some thoughts on structure. Each line a finished sentenced did my head in so I thought I'd show how I'd structure this poem.
Thank you for the read.

escorial
November 19th, 2013, 10:37 PM
E472....heartfelt..enjoyed