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Anna Buttons
June 4th, 2010, 03:33 PM
Adult Themes


I’ve Been

I’ve been drunk, I’ve been sober
I’ve been stoned and hungover
I’ve been kicked, I’ve been kissed
I’ve had passion, I’ve had bliss

I’ve been high, I’ve been low
I’ve had nowhere else to go
I’ve been drained, misunderstood
But dammit I’ve felt good

I’ve had ecstasy and pain
I’ve had jealousy and shame
I’ve been broken and betrayed
And I’ve cum when I’ve been laid

I’ve been fucked, I’ve been eaten
I have won and I’ve been beaten
I’ve been humbled, I’ve been blessed
I’ve been artfully undressed

I’ve been raw, I’ve been silent
I’ve been bitchy, I’ve been violent
I’ve been sad, I have lied
I’ve been overjoyed and snide

I’ve felt crazy and confused
I’ve been dumb, I’ve been abused
I have waited on and waited
But I don’t think I’ve been hated

I’ve been grabbed and I’ve been tasted
I’ve been trashed and I’ve been wasted
I’ve been sucked and I’ve been blown
I’ve upstaged and I’ve been shown

I kissed a girl and several boys
I’ve watched porn and played with toys
I’ve grown up and been a child
I’ve been sane and I’ve been wild

I’ve been shaken, I’ve been stirred
I’ve been ignored and I’ve been heard
I’ve had dreams and I’ve had fears
I’ve had laughter, I’ve had tears

I’ve been spat on from above
But thank fuck I have been loved.

Like a Fox
June 5th, 2010, 04:01 AM
Iíve been drunk, Iíve been sober
Iíve been stoned and hungover
Iíve been kicked, Iíve been kissed
Iíve had passion, Iíve had bliss

Iíve been high, Iíve been low
Iíve had nowhere else to go
Iíve been drained, misunderstood -- Been drained, misunderstood (maybe?)
But dammit Iíve felt good

Iíve had ecstasy and pain
Iíve had jealousy and shame
Iíve been broken and betrayed
And Iíve cum when Iíve been laid -- (Maybe there's a stronger word that could be used here...)

Iíve been fucked, Iíve been eaten
I have won and Iíve been beaten
Iíve been humbled, Iíve been blessed
Iíve been artfully undressed

Iíve been raw, Iíve been silent
Iíve been bitchy, Iíve been violent
Iíve been sad, I have lied -- I thought, I've been sad and I've lied
Iíve been overjoyed and snide

Iíve felt crazy and confused
Iíve been dumb, Iíve been abused
I have waited on and waited
But I donít think Iíve been hated

Iíve been grabbed and Iíve been tasted
Iíve been trashed and Iíve been wasted
Iíve been sucked and Iíve been blown
Iíve upstaged and Iíve been shown

I kissed a girl and several boys
Iíve watched porn and played with toys --Maybe, Watched a porn and played with toys
Iíve grown up and been a child
Iíve been sane and Iíve been wild

Iíve been shaken, Iíve been stirred
Iíve been ignored and Iíve been heard
Iíve had dreams and Iíve had fears
Iíve had laughter, Iíve had tears

Iíve been spat on from above
But thank fuck I have been loved.

I really wish I could read this without the tune in my head.
I bolded bits where I thought you could shuffle words, for flow.

I like this, you know I think it's great. My one suggestion would be to try to shake up the "I've been"s.
I love what you're saying but I worry it gets stomped on by the power of the repition, and if you could delicately work in other ways of saying it, here and there, it would make the I've Been's less overbearing.

You did that well in this stanza

Iíve felt crazy and confused
Iíve been dumb, Iíve been abused
I have waited on and waited
But I donít think Iíve been hated

playerpiano
June 5th, 2010, 04:40 AM
Feels like a heavy metal song. Maybe it's the adult subject matter and simple flowing rhyme scheme. I picture it being sung and played on an alt rock station.

ash somers
June 5th, 2010, 05:37 AM
yes, i agree, it does have a certain lyrical quality
this could easily be played on 3RRR
as the Melbourne anthem

ha ha ;)

and welcome back to writing forums, Anna Buttons

vangoghsear
June 5th, 2010, 01:08 PM
I like this.

Any reason why this stanza is longer?


I’ve felt crazy and confused
I’ve been dumb, I’ve been abused
I have waited on and waited
But I don’t think I’ve been hated
I’ve been grabbed and I’ve been tasted
I’ve been trashed and I’ve been wasted
I’ve been sucked and I’ve been blown
I’ve upstaged and I’ve been shown

I agree that a change-up from the repetition can add power, so it needs to be done carefully. The flow is generally very good, except for a couple of hiccups where Like A Fox has pointed out. It is a very raw piece and I like that, it speaks its mind.

Anna Buttons
June 5th, 2010, 02:10 PM
Thanks for all your feedback, I didn't mean to make that stanza longer. I should definately edit some of the I've beens. Cheers.

Pete_C
June 7th, 2010, 05:36 PM
As an idea, it's not bad. If it wasn't so predictable, it would be better. If you spent a few months really thinking about it, really going beyond the initial gimmickry, it could be interesting. If you tried to weave the observations into something that provoked thought, challenged stereotypical thinking and sparked some original imagery, it could be very good.

As it stands, I don't like it. With work, original thought and dedication, it could well be something worth reading.

Don't take the easy route and give up on it; do something different with it.

Anna Buttons
July 14th, 2010, 04:53 AM
Wow. No.