View Full Version : - A Memorial 5.31.10 -

May 30th, 2010, 11:08 PM
Note: "With apology & regret to those whose seemingly-senseless duty cost them the bargains & sales" - Col. Egg McMuffin, Ret./Deceased.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _______________

On the road, Future
met Past; Where are you going?
they asked; To Now, they
replied, Want to come along?
No; but they did; The road was

rocky, like the ice
cream, only melted, the heat
like the Sun on a
vacation, causing Past to
wince, Future give an oily

smile; there were faded
Afghan rugs aligning the
swale, their old colours
bleached-out like the Soviet
winter, short beings (perhaps

children) slow-ascamp
camped in huddled masses, as
women ignobly
cherned toward the short beings, Past
groaned, Future a knowing-nod

Over fences &
walls the waft of grillers, Past
did his Hannibal
Future his Pertussis as
the heat melted like the Sun

on vacation, a
parade of uniforms - green
& brown with laurels -
passed, proudly atrudge on to
the Mall!, Past's refreshment stands

("10c-a-glass at
Bro & Sis' Lemonade'em!")
given to Cousin
Starf**k's; Future gagged; flaggers'
parade from Brazierville to

Hibachitown, a
march of Glorypins to M-
Day's Consumer-Thon
through fest & fence to the new
Armada; Past expired.

Future patriot-
ized'em in the heat at Road's
End, Now, for ever...
where, like the Sun on a rude
vacation, is meltering...


ash somers
June 5th, 2010, 06:37 AM
i think it's a beautifully written piece
and it saddens me to see it slip onto the second page
but perhaps that's more or less fitting considering the subject matter

for to comment would only sully the incantation
of a piece such as this? -- is what i'm musing

(oh, shut up ash!) anyway ...

i have to say i dig your work, although a lot of the times
i don't know what to say because it goes
right over the top of my head

i hope you understand and cheers, ash somers :)

edit: one very small nit is the use of the word like ...
it features three times, second and third stanzas combined

June 5th, 2010, 04:33 PM
Hello, Ash Somers - I am immediately touched by your attention & comments for my Work, in no-small-part now given wider visibility; yes, the subject matter is a subject of matter for us all, regardless (I am reminded of the film, "On The Beach," & of course one of my heroes/heroines, Dr. Helen Caldicott). Au contraire, my Work is intended to spur & elicit subjective comment; It is not "essential" for the reader to necessarily parse per se, rather to glean a feeling - like the nuance of waking from a dream - which carries a message. As for the employ, syntactically, of "like," every thing I do in verse is attempted toward purpose (you have carefully parsed, after all) here - & echoing your observation for the subject matter - the repetition is for emphasis. I will continue to knit, please be carte blanched with my Work to nit-on.

Btw, other of my Work can be viewed here - http://iwvpa.net/mantelhe/index.php - on a site closer to your home (perhaps the Internet brings us all to sites closer to our homes?), however, I am a believer in classic proximity (distance & in Poetry), & war & children, et al may also resonate.

TY, I look forward to perhaps more of this same - H'H.

June 5th, 2010, 10:28 PM
It is not "essential" for the reader to necessarily parse per se, rather to glean a feeling - like the nuance of waking from a dream - which carries a message.

Haro, this is exactly what you've given to me as a writer through your works, though "so" obvious, your work is different from mine or any others that I strain to think of. Your dreaminess or as if in the waking from one is the essence which I keep in mind when writing lately and I see improvement. Feel the gut of it. I've Bookmarked your above link for further study, Bookmarked along with some writers of great talent and fame. Your ego should rest well tonight!

Yours, in the making, Laurie

June 6th, 2010, 04:52 AM
Laurie - This greatly pleases me, that my Work & explication should help to have this profound effect; I am eager to read, monitor, & note the transformations you are realizing through your Writing, for is not the 1st. Law of Self-creativity to be witness to the empirical? The belly ("gut") (3rd. Chakra) never lies!, the task is to hear & listen. I hope the Poems I linked will be of value, they are primarily a departure from what you've experienced of my Work, thus far; TY for the graciousness, time to lay my Ego down - H'H.