View Full Version : Nightlife- Revision

May 29th, 2010, 11:55 AM
gather up these exquisite things to form a bouquet;
a platter of delicacies for the rich folk; an exclusive sky of starry delights
varnished into solidity,
a precious parade of the most craved.

your hand meets the kiss of a restauranteur,
a pianist caresses his beloved in the corner,
the notes emerge in an elegant saunter.
the cream and white cannot offend you,
they lull you, embrace you,
envelop you in a soft buttery fold-
stop. Even the crimson flame in the wine glass
threatens your milky heaven,
in all its sickening richness.

so you glide along with the herd,
whilst a luminescent sign feigns the lunar against the lunatic sky,
whilst the painted roses of the Red Queen
are plucked from the roadside, in this nightmarish dream,
receive more starry thrills in a darkened club:
hot, salty tastes of garish vivacity,
dulcet sips accepted heedlessly,
the crescendoing thud dictating the heartbeat of the crowd.

the frigid night air reminds you that you are alive-
a stab of reality as you stumble out-
on to the pavement,
into the hellish mouth of nocturne iniquity.
a car crawls by as the pavement curls
and you cannot run
and you cannot call
the headlights stun you,
like a camera flash.

Eiji Tunsinagi
May 29th, 2010, 02:36 PM
There is a lot I like about this. It certainly has a wave of visual energy to it. I think one or two line near the ends of the stanzas are a little weak but I'm going to read this one a few more times and see how they feel. That first stanza though, is fantastic. Neat piece