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MaggieG
May 23rd, 2010, 06:06 AM
Fuck you

Words I fought over/with; A fist
slamming at a world,
staring at some imagined play
set between my legs.

" Educated ladies do not not swear. "

The teacher stripped me bare
with his words,
as his eyes redressed me
with a husband, children,
and my silence.

I ran to Grannie with this
new wardrobe, modeling refinement.
She laughed from a mocking mouth
that would've fit Teacher better.

"It is our poetry, child.
He uses Shakespeare.
We just think the ole bastard told a good story."

I went looking for this Shakespeare,
finding him with his fists raised as well.
Yeah, William could've knocked this asshole out.
But I couldn't. I wasn't a poet yet.

Teacher would've dodged
my swings anyway,
deeming them unfashionable, inartistic,
no matter how accurate the punch.
So ...

"Fuck You" will just have to do.

vangoghsear
May 23rd, 2010, 11:58 AM
The hypocritical sense you designed into this stanza is really well done.


Words I fought over/with; A fist
slamming at a world,
staring at some imagined play
set between my legs.

As I'm finding with many of your poems I've read here, your strongest lines are delivered early on then the rest seems to work through at a more personal level. Mainly an observation not really a criticism.

J.R. MacLean
May 23rd, 2010, 12:42 PM
I enjoyed the truculence of this, the notion of poetry as a useful weapon against asshole teachers. I'd suggest starting with Fuck you! then Educated ladies do not swear, both as dialogue, launching right into the story, as it were. I see the need for the 'fist slamming at the world' stanza, but perhaps it could come later, as part of Grannie and the resolution.

MaggieG
May 23rd, 2010, 02:57 PM
The hypocritical sense you designed into this stanza is really well done.



As I'm finding with many of your poems I've read here, your strongest lines are delivered early on then the rest seems to work through at a more personal level. Mainly an observation not really a criticism.

V ( whirls of the Don McClean song " Vincent" breezing my brain at the moment :) )

I agree ! lol A friend of mine said of my writing , " You dig deep holes, and then rest for awhile debating how to get out of them. You finally climb quietly out, with some wonderful ladder you forgot you brought with you. " Subconsciously I think I want people to go falling into the holes with me, hence why I push'em from the start ! lol


We have a very hypocritical attitude about educating woman. ( Yeah even in America ) She can get smart, BUT not too smart, ya know ?
The very man that turned me on to this genre of writing ( feminine ecriture - feminine writing done through, in some small part or large, the body . Feminist in nature ) also said " Every man wants a virgin on the street, their mother in the kitchen, and a whore in bed "

So much for that brain thingie huh ? LOL

I am glad you stopped by :)

Gumby
May 23rd, 2010, 04:14 PM
Very powerful Maggie! I'm right there with you and raise my fist in solidarity! :)

SilverMoon
May 24th, 2010, 02:12 AM
Rich, powerful. A women's poem! Speak up. Speak o-u-t!


Subconsciously I think I want people to go falling into the holes with me, hence why I push'em from the start !

I'm right there with you. The holes. I wan't mine to bring them into theirs. If they're close to having a nervous breakdown, I know I've done my job. Really, I'd settle for nerves crawling. Not too much damage!

A POEM. Laurie

JosephB
May 25th, 2010, 01:41 PM
Sorry it took me a while to respond. I wanted consider it a bit first.

If this is based on experience, then I think it works as personal expression. However, I think as far as academia today is concerned, it comes of as somewhat anachronistic. *ducks*

And I think the 'fuck you" is a little too easy. To be clear, I don't object to it's use. I just think the rest of it does a fine job of expressing that sentiment and that you don't really need to hit people over the head with it right off.


Don't get me wrong, I like it and it's worthy of close examination -- so nice work.

MaggieG
May 25th, 2010, 04:11 PM
I enjoyed the truculence of this, the notion of poetry as a useful weapon against asshole teachers. I'd suggest starting with Fuck you! then Educated ladies do not swear, both as dialogue, launching right into the story, as it were. I see the need for the 'fist slamming at the world' stanza, but perhaps it could come later, as part of Grannie and the resolution.

Been trying to toy with shifting some of the stanzas around just to see where it takes me. Truthfully ... I am not getting anywhere fruitful at the moment. lol But I will keep playing with the idea. :)

Thanks much Hun :)

MaggieG
May 25th, 2010, 04:14 PM
Very powerful Maggie! I'm right there with you and raise my fist in solidarity! :)

Gumby This has always been a piece that woman get ya know ? :) I have come to the conclusion that we have all experienced a moment like this or something close.

Thank you much for the read, and the fist ! LOL

MaggieG
May 25th, 2010, 04:19 PM
Rich, powerful. A women's poem! Speak up. Speak o-u-t!



I'm right there with you. The holes. I wan't mine to bring them into theirs. If they're close to having a nervous breakdown, I know I've done my job. Really, I'd settle for nerves crawling. Not too much damage!

A POEM. Laurie

Yes..... Very much a woman's poem. I am an odd kinda feminist. lol There are some aspects of the movement that are so perfectly right, while others were completely off base ( especially concerning your average Jane ) I have always believed that when women educate themselves they give themselves more options. ( which holds quite true for men as well )

Thanks Hun :)

MaggieG
May 25th, 2010, 04:37 PM
Sorry it took me a while to respond. I wanted consider it a bit first.

If this is based on experience, then I think it works as personal expression. However, I think as far as academia today is concerned, it comes of as somewhat anachronistic. *ducks*

And I think the 'fuck you" is a little too easy. To be clear, I don't object to it's use. I just think the rest of it does a fine job of expressing that sentiment and that you don't really need to hit people over the head with it right off.


Don't get me wrong, I like it and it's worthy of close examination -- so nice work.


LOL ! Stop ducking ! The anachronistic tinge you are feeling in this is probably the fact that the original was written when I was 15 ( a verrrrrrrry long time ago ) We have a society now that has somewhat progressed ( somewhat lol ) One of the things about this machine I have always felt might be a dual-edged sword is that it can open you up to totally different worlds. BUT it can also distort one's opinion into believing that everyone now lives a more "enlightened" lifestyle. The simple reality is they don't. I have lived in parts of America where women are still wearing long skirts, and long hair, following their husbands around more like family pets than wives. I had a young girl about 10 years tell me I could never be "saved" because I wore pants. When I asked her to show me the text that she based this opinion on, I was shocked to find it was nothing more than what she had heard the preacher say. I opened my own Bible , showed her the text the preacher based his belief on, and then explained ( in full detail ) what the text was actually referring to. I then asked her. " How often do YOU read the Bible ? I had read it through several times. " She of course replied "Never" I then asked her" How can you possibly know you are saved if you do not know what your very salvation is based upon ? " I think that question can be applied to a lot concerning the education of women. As I stated in the poem, " I wasn't a poet yet " Ignorant behavior is based in a lack of knowledge... period. Now don't get me wrong. lol I will still let the words fly if someone has annoyed me enough, and especially if I think that is all they will understand. BUT trust me :D

They are no longer the only words in my arsenal :)

Joseph I always welcome your observant eyes. Thank you :)

Chesters Daughter
May 29th, 2010, 06:07 PM
I love this, and I love you for writing it, fifteen or not. It seems we are about the same age, and I experienced some of the same. I was fond of saying that I got screwed because I wasn't born with a penis, so I grew me some balls.:wink: Although things have changed for the most part, thank God, whenever I see a lady walking five paces behind hubby with a bowed head, I want to shake her and scream, you're his equal for Christ's sake. Screw the raised fists, I say we get out the gloves and hand out some serious pummeling. And if someone doesn't like it, well there's always F**k You! Again, loved this.:salut:

MaggieG
May 30th, 2010, 05:32 PM
I love this, and I love you for writing it, fifteen or not. It seems we are about the same age, and I experienced some of the same. I was fond of saying that I got screwed because I wasn't born with a penis, so I grew me some balls.:wink: Although things have changed for the most part, thank God, whenever I see a lady walking five paces behind hubby with a bowed head, I want to shake her and scream, you're his equal for Christ's sake. Screw the raised fists, I say we get out the gloves and hand out some serious pummeling. And if someone doesn't like it, well there's always F**k You! Again, loved this.:salut:

LOL ! Darlin I used to work construction ( yeah.... seriously lol ) and I had a *ahem* "gentleman" tell me one day women had no balls. I brazenly cupped my breasts , and told him " Baby it is just a matter of geography. Ours are simply higher up, and yes... If you haven't noticed they are bigger than yours. "

His jaw hit the floor *grins*

Thank you much Sweetie :)