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Jp
May 14th, 2010, 11:55 PM
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Martin
May 15th, 2010, 01:07 PM
I think I get the gist of this; You (the poem's 'I') are without direction, no desired future in sight and writing this or expressing it, doesn't help neither... at least that's what I got from this.

There were some places where it was a little unclear:

"The loins left unconcieved," --- is this a reference to your woman? If so I think it should be made more clear. If not, then I'm missing out on the meaning.

"But being I'm no lion" --- so you're a tin-man???

"And miss not heart but hope," --- in first stanza I was under the impression that the heart was not working well, metaphorically speaking. That impression changed with this line. Seem like they are out of context with each other...

Typos: greef ('grief' I assume) and dable (you mean 'dabble'?)

Besides this I think the piece read very well, cleverly structured and I liked the title very much - very close to "the curse of me" which given the content as I understood it, it might as well has been.

Interesting read.