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HaroHalola
May 12th, 2010, 12:35 PM
aah, the weather so
deliciable you want to
eat It, swallow her
in ravened beast mouthfills, whole
collops of rare air Sun crisped

No, no! last vignettes
like drams of spiced vanilla
savory tune not
to be too swoon-gobbled, but
morseled, nary oso at

the hive, rather pined
le biche at the deerberry
muted nibbles, an
afternoon of faun, the clime
of delight, honeysuckle

camellia, lily
magnolia to scarlet's daze
lustraled, and the waft
of dusk's daffodil oh so
deliciable you want to...

H.e.m.-H’H.
10.21.MMix.
ST

SilverMoon
May 12th, 2010, 01:39 PM
Haro, the seductiveness of nature was a delicable read! The only nit I have is the title. I think you might have abandoned the neologism. I needed something to grip onto. Please, feel free to explain your reasoning.

So simple yet rich!

like drams of spiced vanilla

No need for similie here! I'm learning from you that they can be quite trite.

camellia, lily
magnolia to scarlet's daze

This close. Spectacular. You allow me to wander....

oh so
deliciable you want to...


Your words which I fancied:

delicable: delectable or delicious
lustrated: lust in different tense
pulsitrude: having to do with "pulse". That's as far as I could get with this one!

An absolutely beautifous poem! Laurie

HaroHalola
May 12th, 2010, 02:36 PM
Laurie - TY for the attention to this Work; as stated in the Book of Halola, "Titles (often) are neologisms...part of the schema to engage/intrigue/flummox the reader into mentation." "...camellia, lily, magnolia to scarlet's daze," little is trite about these, here, essential references from other of my Work, & of course the play with "scarlet." I was instructed, as a neophyte jazz player/singer, It's hip to scat/include phrases from other tunes, e.g., strains of the Mouseketeer theme or "Jingle Bells" when blowing on "Giant Steps," or "Blues For Lester."

"lustrated" - made pure/bright through ritual; "pulsritude" - a portmanteau (neologism, invention, Haroism) of pulse & pulchritude.

The repetition in the denouement is fancied to do what you have echoed... This "technique" is aposiopesis , an abrupt truncation of a thought allowing the reader "to wander..."

You are gracious, I am pleased by your response to this (Spring) Poem, TY - H'H.

SilverMoon
May 12th, 2010, 03:16 PM
of course the play with "scarlet
In my best English. Me no get?

Thank you! I learned a new word today and an important one. Aposiopesis. One which I think all writers should be aquainted with...

[A sudden breaking of a thought in the middle of sentence, as though the speaker were unwilling or unable to continue.]

I love your Haroisms. You know that by now! And that you get me to thinking on many levels is a delightful experience. I always seem to have a question for you. But if I let them slide I'd be less the wiser. Laurie

HaroHalola
May 12th, 2010, 06:41 PM
Laurie - "Frankly, Scarlett, I (don't) give a damn..." (It was magnolias what killed the South!)

Pleased I could offer info foreign, & usable...

H'H.