View Full Version : Confession of a Pompous Ass

Chesters Daughter
May 9th, 2010, 01:18 AM
I've sat beside
cardboard cutouts
feigning life,
being assaulted
by asinine rambling
as superficial
as a week old scrape
on a child's knee.

Lips would flap,
sometimes at speeds
sustained only
by a hummingbird's wings.

My ears,
so weary of the constant barrage
of syllabic nothingness,
enforcing elective tinnitus
to replace oral rubbish
with a much more pleasurable ring.

My eyes,
not to be outdone,
joined the coup,
refusing to focus
on any mortal countenance
for fear of gleaning any meaning
from unstoppable
featherless wings.

I haven't heard
(nor witnessed)
a spoken word
in nearly a year,
and I'm happy as a clam
in my paradise
of self imposed silence.
If not for the nuisance
of halitosis plagued breezes
killing the skin cells of my cheeks,
I would be completely oblivious
to the monologues of morons.

Today, the flesh of my face
made an impassioned plea
(accompanied by a threat
of premature wrinkles)
to go into hiding
to preserve its integrity.
As hazmat hoods
are so steeply priced,
a lovely four-ply veil
will have to suffice.

How I wish subhumans
were equipped with mute buttons.
My besieged body parts
could abandon their rebellion,
and I'd have the distinction
of being unidentifiable
for all of my fingerprints
would be worn away.

May 9th, 2010, 01:00 PM
Ah, Lisa. And I thought you were as patient as a saint but it's clear that you do not suffer fools easily (how's that for two tight cliche's in one sentence!)

I'm fond of these lines because I always describe my childhood home (house) as being like a cardboard box with cardboard people. Superficiality at it's best.

I've sat beside
cardboard cutouts
feigning life

Excellente imagery!

Lips would flap,
sometimes at speeds
sustained only
by a hummingbird's wings

I'm nearly ready to quote the entire poem. I enjoyed it so much! Laurie

May 9th, 2010, 03:38 PM
Lisa, I see we've known some of the same people in life! So I'll add a cliche to Laurie's, it's a small world isn't it?

I only question your title, because if it's referring to you being a pompous ass for not suffering fools, then that makes me one too. :) I loved the imagery in this one, you really captured my own feelings so well, are you sure we're not related? The second, third and fourth stanza's really had me laughing and nodding my head, yes! By the time I got to the last stanza, I could feel my finger on that mute button.:twisted: Oh, if only! =D> ( this last part is the little clapping smilie, who just won't show up for some reason)

Chesters Daughter
May 9th, 2010, 07:06 PM
I hope everyone realizes that I've magnified my actual feelings tenfold here, and that this in no way applies to anyone here. I find our continuing trade of quips and veiled meanings quite exhilarating which has me spoiled. Sadly, I must admit, that I find conversation with non-writers both flat and mundane. They can look at the most beautiful image and most would only see a gray splat, and those who can see wouldn't be able to describe it in words even with the promise of a winning lottery ticket. They just don't get it, or us, for that matter. I really should have included this as an end note and I hope I haven't offended anyone. This is all in good fun.

As for the title, my dear Cindy, my son read this and said "Don't post this Lisa, you sound like a pompous ass and everyone will hate you." With a beaming grin I replied, "Then thus it shall be named." My kingdom for some stimulating conversation!

Dear Laurie, I am patient as a saint to my eyes. I smile, nod, and reply when necessary, all the while thinking get me the hell outta here. I used to be able to handle it more even more gracefully, but two years of seclusion has made me less tolerant. I'm sorry to learn you describe your childhood in such a way and again you've made me feel grateful for mine. My parents were both bright, articulate, and oh so very real. Our joint was jumping and you made me realize how very fortunate I am. Glad you enjoyed, love.

Dear Cindy, Poor cliches encounter so much discrimination. I use them all the time in non-work related conversation, and I used happy as a clam in this piece, why hasn't anyone beaten me over the head for that? Sometimes the little buggers are quite appropriate.:lone: If any of your ancestors came from Gdansk, Poland way back (I'm fourth generation American) then we may be related. Now that, would be great. I am so elated that this made you laugh, it's supposed to be humorous, however dry, and I started to think I should have toned it down. I may tune out the blah blah blah, but I would never don a veil to avoid the spittle of a person who is properly enunciating. Okay, I'm being kind, most people just spit trying to spew forth their monosyllabic sentences.:-# Glad you, too, enjoyed, hon.

Thank you ladies, for not taking this too seriously. You're the best and this was great fun. I have a great deal of replies to catch-up on which I will remedy asap. I hope I haven't made anyone feel neglected.

All my best, always,

May 9th, 2010, 07:43 PM
Very amusing. I feel myself becoming quite the recluse, so the nods and mmm's were aplenty. One thing I'd suggest is the multiple use of the word coup. But that is just being pedantic!

Chesters Daughter
May 9th, 2010, 09:33 PM
I don't know where that ugly red face came from, but I did not put it there and I can't delete whatever it is.

Dear NotSoTypical, Not pedantic, completely correct and now corrected.:D I swapped rebelled with revolted in S3 and swapped the final coup with rebellion in the final stanza. Thank you, I like it much better this way.:cheers: My seclusion is not voluntary but rather dictated by ill health. I rarely go out and when I do, I find myself getting annoyed far too easily. It seems save for screaming at surgeons, my people skills are now nil. A word of advice at the risk of being bold, too much time alone begins to wear away the personality. Please don't cut yourself off too much. Sorry, the Mom in me needs her say.

I read your piece earlier and like it very much. Since it's Mom's Day, the kids have my day mapped out for me, oh joy, so I don't have the time to reply in depth as I prefer, but I'll be back to leave my two cents. I'm glad you found it amusing and thank you again for helping me improve it.


May 10th, 2010, 02:36 PM
I out, and out cracked up laughing when I first read this. I am still snickering as I type. My family, and friends are well aware of the fact that I write, but the hows, and whys ? They don't ask, and I don't tell for the most part. So I get what you are saying. I think as writers we simply see the world from all perspectives, left of center perspectives, or variations of the two while the "normal" folks are always looking straight ahead. My brother once told me in reference to my writing , " I always knew you had a funny way of looking at things. I just never knew how you would put that to good use. " LOL

Writing has given me one horrible habit where other people are concerned ( and I think this is directly due to the whole "compressed" language thing ) Someone will be telling me something, and I always hear myself saying the same thing. " You're babbling Darlin. Get to the point ! "

Needless to say I am not known for my patience either *grins*

Much much enjoyed :)

Chesters Daughter
May 11th, 2010, 10:05 PM
Same thing here, love, they don't ask and I don't tell. My daughter gets it, but she wrote her fair share of fanfic and developed quite a following begging her for more. But that was before she discovered boys. I know she'll pick up her pen in time, once you've been bitten, there's no going back. Aside from her and a friend that stops by the site now and again to see what I'm up to, everyone couldn't care less. I get annoyed because it's so important to me. My last three years have been literally awful and if it weren't for the writing, I'd be in a rubber room.

I love it here. We're all here because we want to be and once we log in we're not "different" but in the company of others like ourselves. I spent many years burying it so I could fit in, now I say they can all kiss my ass, this is who I am. The fellowship here is undeniable, the ability to read others' hard work and share my own is a blessing, and from one "weird poetry geek" (that what my boys call us) to another, THANK YOU. In sharing your thoughts you made me realize I am not alone.