View Full Version : more or less the parrot

March 21st, 2010, 02:14 PM

There are no strings -
feel free to check it out,
ignore the mechanism
that moves my jaw about.

Watch me mouth words,
listen with an open ear
this dummy has a voice,
loud enough for all to hear

There are no strings -
except the chains that bind
release those stoppers
to free that stubborn mind.


March 21st, 2010, 10:03 PM
Delighed to read. On another site I've been following the novel of a new take on Pinocchio. So, puppets have been on my mind. Humankind has been on my mind.

this dummy has a voice,
though it is not his own.

I hear a voice which says "I've been desensitized"

Sometimes, it's always the succinct poems which have so many poignant things to say. Thank you for the read, Laurie

March 25th, 2010, 05:53 AM
It's just begging for an end rhyme. The first stanza has one and so should the last, because it sounds off without one. A short poem like this should close with a snap; instead, we're left wondering if there's more.

That said, I wish it was pithier and the line break in line 6 is poor. "find" should find itself on the next line.

This works as a practice piece only, but now you know what to practice.

February 25th, 2011, 04:40 AM
Sad that MisterSpider doesn't seem currently active to witness the revision of this poem. Ah well....