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chimera101
December 14th, 2009, 02:07 AM
A Last Breath

The simplicity of life
The fogginess of everyday
All made clear and distinct
An ill peril awakened me from slumber
Suddenly the smallest things are felt.

The cold wind hitting my face aches.
The grey skies make me somber.
The pounding in my chest hurts.
My lunges burn, forcing out air.

The vilest words are whispered to me
Her voice is wavering by the hurt as well
I shut out the world around me
Staring into nothingness.

I fall to my knees deafened by words of hurt
Knowing you will never breathe again
My thoughts race avoiding obstacles
Denying the truth of your passing.

A murky day of everyday life
Forever remembered by your last breathe
The images still linger and ache
The cold wind hitting my face
Will always take my breath away.

esquedublieu
December 16th, 2009, 09:23 PM
This really evoked the sensations for me. I'm no master of verse, but I liked it.

Gumby
December 16th, 2009, 09:33 PM
Yes, lots of sadness there. I especially enjoyed the last stanza, the last two verses hit home.

chimera101
December 28th, 2010, 07:08 PM
thank you very much glad you liked it. The poem is quiet special to me

Chesters Daughter
December 29th, 2010, 12:43 AM
Where have you been, Chimera? You've neglected us far too long, love. Heart wrenching, you've achieved, bad notes are always the worst to end on, they can't be repelaled. I remember that you were always keen on learning, and in that spirit, I say the following, too many caps, switching punctuation will help that, and the initial breathe in the final stanza should be breath.The second piece today that made me feel, kudos.

Best,
Lisa

chimera101
January 15th, 2011, 03:32 PM
hey, i've been busy with many things in my life, sorry for not being around. I do still write with full heart and still remain eager to learn <3

chimera101
January 15th, 2011, 03:55 PM
Where have you been, Chimera? You've neglected us far too long, love. Heart wrenching, you've achieved, bad notes are always the worst to end on, they can't be repelaled. I remember that you were always keen on learning, and in that spirit, I say the following, too many caps, switching punctuation will help that, and the initial breathe in the final stanza should be breath.The second piece today that made me feel, kudos.

Best,
Lisa

Since it is a while now i feel the need to tell what the poem is about. It's about my brother that died some years ago, and this poem is about the day it happened and the things that is left lingering i guess.