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Olly Buckle
November 5th, 2009, 09:15 PM
I was trying to think of something different for the poetry challenge and came up with this. I wondered if maybe it should be in word games, but a poem is a poem.

The idea is that the first person makes up the first line, eg.
There was a young lady from Ryde

Next person makes up second line and posts it with the first, eg
There was a young lady from Ryde
Who ate some green apples and died

And so on until the final person posts,
There was a young lady from Ryde
Who ate some green apples and died
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented
And made cider inside her inside

Okay, I didn't make any of that up, it's simply in case anyone doesn't know the structure.
Oh, and different people must post consecutive lines, and this is a family forum, risqué is one thing but stay in the bounds of decency.

I start the first one

There was an old codger from Queensland

Gumby
November 6th, 2009, 03:15 AM
There was an old codger from Queensland
who liked to draw ladies in freehand

ash somers
November 6th, 2009, 05:41 AM
for god's sake, get out of the way!


There was an old codger from Queensland
Who liked to draw ladies in freehand
With his hand on his crutch

The Backward OX
November 6th, 2009, 06:46 AM
Ok, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.




There was an old codger from Queensland
Who liked to draw ladies in freehand
With his hand on his crutch
Like Van Gogh, who was Dutch









Oh, boy, is there some potential here.

Cran
November 6th, 2009, 02:04 PM
There was an old codger from Queensland
Who liked to draw ladies in freehand
With his hand on his crutch
Like Van Gogh, who was Dutch
He drew them away to New Zealand

The Backward OX
November 7th, 2009, 12:04 AM
[quote=The Backward OX;1315499 I was expecting some truly creative stuff here, brilliant five-liners from individual authors, and this .... is obviously the first of them, quoth Olly inside the quotes[/quote]

F*cked it up again, didn't 'e?

The Backward OX
November 7th, 2009, 12:10 AM
First line someone? Or does it fall to Cran for finishing so brilliantly?

...
Methinks this should be spelled out in the rules. Along with an embargo on first lines ending in "Nantucket."

Foxee
November 7th, 2009, 02:01 AM
There was a sweet young thing from York

Gumby
November 7th, 2009, 02:25 AM
There was a sweet young thing from York
who would only eat candy and pork

caelum
November 7th, 2009, 04:00 AM
There was a sweet young thing from York
who would only eat candy and pork
all her wardrobe was green

Tiamat
November 7th, 2009, 04:41 AM
There was a sweet young thing from York
who would only eat candy and pork
all her wardrobe was green
From Dior to McQueen

The Backward OX
November 7th, 2009, 10:03 AM
There was a sweet young thing from York
who would only eat candy and pork
all her wardrobe was green
From Dior to McQueen
And now she's gone missing, like Hawke

Olly Buckle
November 7th, 2009, 10:34 PM
Astutely observed sir, but it doesn't really relate to the rest, how about:-
"Which disguised the puke when she hawked"?
Sorry, get your own back,

Start with this:-
The mentor from East Sussex was chronic,

ash somers
November 7th, 2009, 11:03 PM
The mentor from East Sussex was chronic
So we quickly went out to buy tonic

Gumby
November 7th, 2009, 11:52 PM
The mentor from East Sussex was chronic
So we quickly went out to buy tonic
through the aisles we did dash

ash somers
November 8th, 2009, 12:38 AM
The mentor from East Sussex was chronic
So we quickly went out to buy tonic
through the aisles we did dash
To find the secret stash

The Backward OX
November 8th, 2009, 01:01 AM
The mentor from East Sussex was chronic
So we quickly went out to buy tonic
through the aisles we did dash
To find the secret stash
That will change him into laconic.

caelum
November 8th, 2009, 03:22 AM
May I take the liberty of starting?

Raoul was a hitman from Holland

ash somers
November 8th, 2009, 03:24 AM
Raoul was a hitman from Holland
Who lied as his real name was Roland

Gumby
November 8th, 2009, 03:53 PM
Raoul was a hit man from Holland
Who lied as his real name was Roland
With his gun in his hand

Foxee
November 8th, 2009, 04:19 PM
Raoul was a hit man from Holland
Who lied as his real name was Roland
With his gun in his hand
wearing pink contraband


(I THINK I JUST STEERED THIS LIMERICK OFF A CLIFF)

Gumby
November 8th, 2009, 05:36 PM
Raoul was a hit man from Holland
Who lied as his real name was Roland
With his gun in his hand
wearing pink contraband
He was sweeter than honey from pollen

Gumby
November 8th, 2009, 07:36 PM
There was an old hippie from Soho

caelum
November 8th, 2009, 08:43 PM
There was an old hippie from Soho
Who yesterday told his wife, "No, hoe!"

Foxee
November 8th, 2009, 08:45 PM
There was an old hippie from Soho
Who yesterday told his wife, "No, hoe!"
She planted some beans

Cran
November 8th, 2009, 08:50 PM
There was an old hippie from Soho
Who yesterday told his wife, "No, hoe!"
She planted some beans
both yellows and greens

The Backward OX
November 8th, 2009, 11:08 PM
There was an old hippie from Soho
Who yesterday told his wife, "No, hoe!"
She planted some beans
both yellows and greens
Which she ate. To the can she must now go.

Olly Buckle
November 9th, 2009, 08:58 AM
I'm enjoying this, not quite so highbrow but it's almost as good as Ash's cinquain thread.

A Presbyterian preacher from Perth

The Backward OX
November 9th, 2009, 10:36 AM
*ash's word*

ash somers
November 9th, 2009, 10:36 AM
A Presbyterian preacher from Perth
Not renowned for his gaiety or mirth

Olly Buckle
November 9th, 2009, 11:11 AM
A Presbyterian preacher from Perth
Not renowned for his gaiety or mirth
But dour in extreme

My mind goes running on to the end, bet you lot ruin it.

Gumby
November 9th, 2009, 04:07 PM
A Presbyterian preacher from Perth
Not renowned for his gaiety or mirth
But dour in extreme
in a word, simply mean

ash somers
November 9th, 2009, 11:02 PM
A Presbyterian preacher from Perth
Not renowned for his gaiety or mirth
But dour in extreme
In a word, simply mean
Give the grumpy old bastard wide berth!

*claps hands*

that was fun, let's do it again :)

Olly Buckle
November 9th, 2009, 11:39 PM
Go on then, I started the last one.

The Backward OX
November 10th, 2009, 12:16 AM
With six hundred-odd folks in a forum
It’s the same few who make up a quorum
To write these strange rhymes
A number of times
And as for the rest, well we bore ‘em.

Foxee
November 10th, 2009, 01:22 AM
I likes it, Ox. I think I'd say 'six hundred odd folks'.


There once was a dentist from Belfast

Gumby
November 10th, 2009, 01:42 AM
There once was a dentist from Belfast
who secretly wanted to broadcast

caelum
November 10th, 2009, 05:07 AM
There once was a dentist from Belfast
who secretly wanted to broadcast
So he rigged up his room

ash somers
November 10th, 2009, 10:52 PM
There once was a dentist from Belfast
who secretly wanted to broadcast
So he rigged up his room
To create a loud boom

The Backward OX
November 11th, 2009, 01:02 AM
There once was a dentist from Belfast
who secretly wanted to broadcast
So he rigged up his room
To create a loud boom
(Which frightened shit out of de British Army, de Provos, de Cat’olics and de Proddies)
And made the dentist from Belfast an outcast.

caelum
November 11th, 2009, 01:38 AM
Haha when I introduced "room", part of me was hoping things would take a naughty direction.

Jubang was a murthak from Mars

Foxee
November 11th, 2009, 02:00 AM
Jubang was a murthak from Mars
who liked to hang out in quonk bars

Olly Buckle
November 11th, 2009, 03:41 AM
Jubang was a murthak from Mars
who liked to hang out in quonk bars
He drank 'til he fell

Gumby
November 11th, 2009, 03:45 AM
Jubang was a murthak from Mars
who liked to hang out in quonk bars
He drank 'til he fell
but he said, "what the hell,"

caelum
November 11th, 2009, 05:29 AM
Jubang was a murthak from Mars
who liked to hang out in quonk bars
He drank 'til he fell
but he said, "what the hell,"
when the drunk drove right into a star

(don't drink and drive flying saucers, kids)

The Backward OX
November 11th, 2009, 05:50 AM
A maiden who verged on hysteria

Gumby
November 11th, 2009, 07:03 AM
A maiden who verged on hysteria
had contracted a case of diphtheria

ash somers
November 11th, 2009, 07:16 AM
A maiden who verged on hysteria
Had contracted a case of diphtheria
With a temperature soaring

ash somers
November 11th, 2009, 07:30 AM
Haha when I introduced "room", part of me was hoping things would take a naughty direction.


so sorry to disappoint, if i had of thought of something naughty
i would have most definitely gone in that direction *scratches head*
i can't think for the life of me what you might of had in mind, mmmmmm

now i'm intrigued - a clue, perhaps?

caelum
November 11th, 2009, 07:56 AM
haha I just think it's cool how one mind will be in one direction while others surprise with something completely unexpected. At the broadcasting I was thinking of a couple rigging up some webcams etc. Just goes to show you can't predict which way these turn out.

Olly Buckle
November 11th, 2009, 08:20 AM
I was thinking
He rigged up his room
With a microphone boom
Great how it goes somewhere completely different isn't it?

A maiden who verged on hysteria
Had contracted a case of diphtheria
With a temperature soaring
Perspiration was pouring

The Backward OX
November 11th, 2009, 10:04 AM
I was thinking
He rigged up his room
With a microphone boom
Great how it goes somewhere completely different isn't it?



Oh, come on. You mean to tell me you read a rhyme about loud booms in Belfast and you don't think of The Troubles?

The Backward OX
November 11th, 2009, 10:11 AM
A maiden who verged on hysteria
Had contracted a case of diphtheria
With a temperature soaring
Perspiration was pouring
And the doc said, “I’m going in fear o’ yer.”

The Backward OX
November 11th, 2009, 10:19 AM
For tea he had beans in a tart

qwertyman
November 11th, 2009, 12:06 PM
For tea he had beans in a tart
The one that’s on offer at Wal-mart



( I swore I'd never do word games (shrug). If someone ends this with 'a fart' they get twenty de-merit marks and a George Foreman Grill.)

ash somers
November 11th, 2009, 12:13 PM
nghh, this is quite the challenge, i'll get my contribution over and done with, then ...

For tea he had beans in a tart
The one that’s on offer at Wal-mart
Where cheaper by the dozen

Cran
November 11th, 2009, 01:19 PM
For tea he had beans in a tart
The one that’s on offer at Wal-mart
Where cheaper by the dozen
But according to my cousin

ash somers
November 11th, 2009, 01:37 PM
For tea he had beans in a tart
The one that’s on offer at Wal-mart
Where cheaper by the dozen
But according to my cousin
Are nutritious and good for the heart

hmph, wasn't so hard afterall

qwertyman
November 11th, 2009, 02:34 PM
hmph, wasn't so hard afterall
Washing one's hair in a waterfall

Foxee
November 11th, 2009, 02:50 PM
hmph, wasn't so hard afterall
Washing one's hair in a waterfall
you just need a rope

qwertyman
November 11th, 2009, 03:39 PM
hmph, wasn't so hard afterall
Washing one's hair in a waterfall
you just need a rope
shampoo and the Pope

Gumby
November 11th, 2009, 11:21 PM
hmph, wasn't so hard afterall
Washing one's hair in a waterfall
you just need a rope
shampoo and the Pope
and a swig from a whiskey highball

Gumby
November 11th, 2009, 11:22 PM
The clown had a major depression

The Backward OX
November 12th, 2009, 12:47 AM
For tea he had beans in a tart
The one that’s on offer at Wal-mart



( I swore I'd never do word games (shrug). If someone ends this with 'a fart' they get twenty de-merit marks and a George Foreman Grill.)

All I can say is, some people have suspicious minds.

caelum
November 12th, 2009, 02:10 AM
The clown had a major depression
till he took on a cooler profession

The Backward OX
November 12th, 2009, 03:15 AM
The clown had a major depression
till he took on a cooler profession
and met a sexy pole dancer

Gumby
November 12th, 2009, 04:17 AM
The clown had a major depression
till he took on a cooler profession
and met a sexy pole dancer
who's nickname was Prancer

The Backward OX
November 12th, 2009, 05:51 AM
The clown had a major depression
till he took on a cooler profession
and met a sexy pole dancer
who's nickname was Prancer
Now the dancer's the clown's main obsession.

The Backward OX
November 12th, 2009, 05:54 AM
i comes before e except after c

caelum
November 12th, 2009, 07:00 AM
i comes before e except after c
2 comes after r and comes after d

qwertyman
November 12th, 2009, 09:27 AM
i comes before e except after c
2 comes after r and comes after d
K before 9

The Backward OX
November 12th, 2009, 10:45 AM
Dey're s'posed to be limericks, Querty, ol' man. Dat means de t'ird line has six syllababubleys. T'ink of de Borlin finger an' remeber it dat way.

qwertyman
November 12th, 2009, 01:10 PM
I piss on you syallabubs. I am an artist.

(changes to French accent) Or maybe I'm an artiste...I haven't decided yet but which ever I am, I still pissoir on your stoopid jellys.

Mon Dieu, the neck of this vache!

The Backward OX
November 12th, 2009, 01:15 PM
which ever I am, I still pissoir on your stoopid jellys.



Which ever I yam, I yam what I yam,
I'm Popeye the Sailorman.

toot toot

The Backward OX
November 12th, 2009, 01:23 PM
Mon Dieu, the neck of this vache!
À chacun son métier

Gumby
November 12th, 2009, 04:41 PM
i comes before e except after c
2 comes after r and comes after d
K before 9
o'clock after time

ash somers
November 12th, 2009, 10:35 PM
hmph, wasn't so hard afterall
Washing one's hair in a waterfall

lol, too funny qwerty ole-sun - way too funny!

i comes before e except after c
2 comes after r and comes after d
K before 9
o'clock after time
this, the greatest mess you'll ever see!

and please excuse my absence, i've been busy writing

ash somers
November 12th, 2009, 10:35 PM
If ever I had to be anywhere

Gumby
November 12th, 2009, 11:38 PM
If ever I had to be anywhere
I would let friends know in my blogosphere

Foxee
November 13th, 2009, 12:46 AM
If ever I had to be anywhere
I would let friends know in my blogosphere
my space or a twitter

Cran
November 13th, 2009, 03:19 AM
If ever I had to be anywhere
I would let friends know in my blogosphere
my space or a twitter
so they don't think I'm bitter

caelum
November 13th, 2009, 05:49 AM
If ever I had to be anywhere
I would let friends know in my blogosphere
my space or a twitter
so they don't think I'm bitter
but they will, cause my blog has gay glitter

Oops, I broke the rhyme scheme. My bad. I would go back and change it, but it's not like I have a time machine here. The past is the past. I love the way that other one turned out with the letters and stuff--freaken dope.

ash somers
November 13th, 2009, 05:52 AM
yeah yeah, it's all in good fun, no harm done ;)

That precocious bitch from downunder

The Backward OX
November 13th, 2009, 06:00 AM
That precocious bitch from downunder
Eats eggs and starts farting like thunder

ash somers
November 13th, 2009, 10:02 AM
That precocious bitch from downunder
Eats eggs and starts farting like thunder
Stick a cork in her arse

Olly Buckle
November 13th, 2009, 11:11 AM
That precocious bitch from downunder
Eats eggs and starts farting like thunder
Stick a cork in her arse
Before she can pass


Chunder would rhyme (Hint hint)

The Backward OX
November 13th, 2009, 12:27 PM
Chunder would rhyme (Hint hint)

The only problem with that is that there's only two places on god's green earth where that word is known and America is neither of them.

qwertyman
November 13th, 2009, 01:39 PM
Sacre bleu, I can't get reed of zis Franch accent. And I kip driving on ze rong saad of the rue.

The Backward OX
November 13th, 2009, 02:27 PM
Ze rue? Surely you mean ze reum?

Tell me do you have a reum?
I do not know what a 'reum' is.
Zimmer.
Ah, a 'room'.
That is what I have been saying, you idiot. Reum. Zimmer.

Gumby
November 13th, 2009, 05:37 PM
What ( on God's green earth ) is Chunder?

ash somers
November 13th, 2009, 08:18 PM
chunder means vomit, spew or throw up, take your pick

That precocious bitch from downunder
Eats eggs and starts farting like thunder
Stick a cork in her arse
Before she can pass
Because the stench will make you chunder

Olly Buckle
November 14th, 2009, 12:56 AM
chunder means vomit, spew or throw up, take your pick

Then there is the "Technicolour yawn"

The Backward OX
November 14th, 2009, 01:46 AM
Then there is the "Technicolour yawn"
The digestive equivalent of porn

Olly Buckle
November 14th, 2009, 02:32 PM
I wasn't thinking first line, still...

Then there is the "Technicolour yawn"
The digestive equivalent of porn
Find some quiet corner

The Backward OX
November 14th, 2009, 02:38 PM
Then there is the "Technicolour yawn"
The digestive equivalent of porn
Find some quiet corner
Like little Jack Horner

Cran
November 14th, 2009, 03:51 PM
Then there is the "Technicolour yawn"
The digestive equivalent of porn
Find some quiet corner
Like little Jack Horner
and do not your footwear adorn

Gumby
November 14th, 2009, 04:03 PM
chunder means vomit, spew or throw up, take your pick

I'll have to add chunder to my vocabulary :puker: very descriptive!

caelum
November 14th, 2009, 09:49 PM
Then there is the "Technicolour yawn"lol

Count Vol-Wegger Tobenshtein ate

Gumby
November 14th, 2009, 11:57 PM
Count Vol-Wegger Tobenshtein ate
I only hope he used a plate

Foxee
November 15th, 2009, 01:52 AM
Count Vol-Wegger Tobenshtein ate
I only hope he used a plate
some barbecue chicken

Cran
November 15th, 2009, 03:27 AM
Count Vol-Wegger Tobenshtein ate
I only hope he used a plate
some barbecue chicken
there's bones to be pickin'

caelum
November 15th, 2009, 04:51 AM
Count Vol-Wegger Tobenshtein ate
I only hope he used a plate
some barbecue chicken
there's bones to be pickin
which Vol-Wegger sticks in a crate

Cran
November 15th, 2009, 05:43 AM
A stevedore stuck on a wharf

The Backward OX
November 15th, 2009, 05:52 AM
A stevedore stuck on a wharf
down souf, 'cos the ship was up norf

ash somers
November 15th, 2009, 06:05 AM
A stevedore stuck on a wharf
Down souf, 'cos the ship was up norf
With a VB in hand

The Backward OX
November 15th, 2009, 06:09 AM
*well, that knocks out the Americans*

ash somers
November 15th, 2009, 06:16 AM
everyone, this is a VB

http://www.fosters.com.au/enjoy/images/img_vb.jpg

fixed!

Gumby
November 15th, 2009, 04:33 PM
God, this is quite educational here. I first had to look up stevedore, as we call them longshoreman or a dock worker here, then you break out the VB on me. Who knew a simple limerick could strain a brain?

( maybe it's just my poor brain? )

Gumby
November 15th, 2009, 04:36 PM
A stevedore stuck on a wharf
Down souf, 'cos the ship was up norf
With a VB in hand
because that was his brand

qwertyman
November 15th, 2009, 08:00 PM
A stevedore stuck on a wharf
Down souf, 'cos the ship was up norf
With a VB in hand
because that was his brand
On his lap a lesbian dwarf



I am going to train my badger

Gumby
November 16th, 2009, 03:24 AM
I am going to train my badger
to stand on a corner, a cadger

The Backward OX
November 16th, 2009, 08:39 AM
I am going to train my badger
to stand on a corner, a cadger,
With Mole, Ratty and Toad

ash somers
November 16th, 2009, 08:55 AM
I am going to train my badger
To stand on a corner, a cadger,
With Mole, Ratty and Toad
They'll con them to unload

The Backward OX
November 16th, 2009, 10:42 AM
I am going to train my badger
To stand on a corner, a cadger,
With Mole, Ratty and Toad
They'll con them to unload
The first four of the flags that spell "adger"


http://www.websters-online-dictionary.org/coreimages/Misc/semaphore/A.gif http://www.websters-online-dictionary.org/coreimages/Misc/semaphore/D.gif http://www.websters-online-dictionary.org/coreimages/Misc/semaphore/G.gif http://www.websters-online-dictionary.org/coreimages/Misc/semaphore/E.gif

The Backward OX
November 16th, 2009, 10:48 AM
(I dunno why anyone would want to semaphore "adger." But if you do, them's the flags you use, plus this'n http://www.websters-online-dictionary.org/coreimages/Misc/semaphore/R.gif)

qwertyman
November 16th, 2009, 12:45 PM
http://www.anbg.gov.au/images/flags/semaphore/w-icon.gif (http://www.anbg.gov.au/images/flags/semaphore/w.gif)http://www.anbg.gov.au/images/flags/semaphore/t-icon.gif (http://www.anbg.gov.au/images/flags/semaphore/t.gif)http://www.anbg.gov.au/images/flags/semaphore/f-icon.gif (http://www.anbg.gov.au/images/flags/semaphore/f.gif)

The Backward OX
November 16th, 2009, 02:23 PM
http://www.anbg.gov.au/images/flags/semaphore/h-icon.gif (http://www.anbg.gov.au/images/flags/semaphore/h.gif)http://www.anbg.gov.au/images/flags/semaphore/a-icon.gif (http://www.anbg.gov.au/images/flags/semaphore/a.gif) http://www.anbg.gov.au/images/flags/semaphore/h-icon.gif (http://www.anbg.gov.au/images/flags/semaphore/h.gif)http://www.anbg.gov.au/images/flags/semaphore/a-icon.gif (http://www.anbg.gov.au/images/flags/semaphore/a.gif)

Gumby
November 17th, 2009, 02:05 AM
Please don't suggest a semaphore flag limerick!

The Backward OX
November 17th, 2009, 05:08 AM
Olly and Foxee and Gumby one night

qwertyman
November 17th, 2009, 08:34 AM
Olly and Foxee and Gumby one night
Cornered a vampire with over-bite

Gumby
November 17th, 2009, 07:59 PM
Olly and Foxee and Gumby one night
Cornered a vampire with over-bite
When the qwertyman came

Olly Buckle
November 18th, 2009, 12:35 AM
Olly and Foxee and Gumby one night
Cornered a vampire with over-bite
When the qwertyman came
And said "He is tame"

Gumby
November 18th, 2009, 01:42 AM
Olly and Foxee and Gumby one night
Cornered a vampire with over-bite
When the qwertyman came
And said "He is tame"
Ox gave him a sandwich of Vegemite

caelum
November 18th, 2009, 03:04 AM
Dumbledore, Gandalf and Merlin

The Backward OX
November 18th, 2009, 07:13 AM
Dumbledore, Gandalf and Merlin
Flew a Halifax over Berlin

- nah, that doesn’t really rhyme.

Umm . . .

...Needed exercise and took up curlin’?

...Their semaphore flags were unfurlin’?

...At the ewoks some large rocks were hurlin’ -

Oh I like this one – a rhyme within a rhyme

The Backward OX
November 18th, 2009, 07:14 AM
Dumbledore, Gandalf and Merlin
At the ewoks some large rocks were hurlin'

Olly Buckle
November 18th, 2009, 07:56 AM
Dumbledore, Gandalf and Merlin
At the ewoks some large rocks were hurlin'
not bothering with spells

Gumby
November 18th, 2009, 02:30 PM
Dumbledore, Gandalf and Merlin
At the ewoks some large rocks were hurlin'
not bothering with spells
(cause they make awful smells)

Cran
November 18th, 2009, 02:57 PM
Dumbledore, Gandalf and Merlin
At the ewoks some large rocks were hurlin'
not bothering with spells
(cause they make awful smells)
they were rockin' and whirlin' and curlin'

The Backward OX
November 18th, 2009, 03:05 PM
Wrap him up in his tarpaulin jacket

Gumby
November 19th, 2009, 12:54 AM
Wrap him up in his tarpaulin jacket
Add canvas pants, he'll be quite the packet

Foxee
November 19th, 2009, 02:25 AM
Wrap him up in his tarpaulin jacket
Add canvas pants, he'll be quite the packet
a hat with a bobble

The Backward OX
November 19th, 2009, 02:56 AM
(someone just has to work in a line about semaphore flags)

caelum
November 19th, 2009, 03:22 AM
Wrap him up in his tarpaulin jacket
Add canvas pants, he'll be quite the packet
a hat with a bobble
black boots with he hobbles

Cran
November 19th, 2009, 02:10 PM
Wrap him up in his tarpaulin jacket
Add canvas pants, he'll be quite the packet
a hat with a bobble
black boots with he hobbles
No flags, though; he just couldn't hack it!

Gumby
November 20th, 2009, 02:56 AM
Cran, I'm glad you found some way to work flags in there! I was pulling out my hair with that one.


The Writer had broke all his fingers

The Backward OX
November 20th, 2009, 03:59 AM
The Writer had broke all his fingers
As he tried typing "Martina Hingis"

caelum
November 20th, 2009, 07:17 AM
The Writer had broke all his fingers
As he tried typing "Martina Hingis"
thank God that his nose

Foxee
November 20th, 2009, 03:14 PM
The Writer had broke all his fingers
As he tried typing "Martina Hingis"
thank God that his nose
and four of his toes

Cran
November 20th, 2009, 03:31 PM
The Writer had broke all his fingers
As he tried typing "Martina Hingis"
thank God that his nose
and four of his toes
could scribble the thought that still lingers

Foxee
November 20th, 2009, 04:14 PM
There once was a drover from Mars

Olly Buckle
November 20th, 2009, 06:50 PM
There once was a drover from Mars
Parsed Donne as he passed distant stars

Gumby
November 20th, 2009, 11:09 PM
There once was a drover from Mars
Parsed Donne as he passed distant stars
He then quoted Poe

The Backward OX
November 20th, 2009, 11:27 PM
There once was a drover from Mars
Parsed Donne as he passed distant stars
He then quoted Poe
As the Moon swung down low

Olly Buckle
November 21st, 2009, 12:35 AM
There once was a drover from Mars
Parsed Donne as he passed distant stars
He then quoted Poe
As the Moon swung down low
"The fever called living is conquered at last"

Olly Buckle
November 21st, 2009, 12:45 AM
An astronaut leaving from Houston

The Backward OX
November 21st, 2009, 02:14 AM
(‘tis truly impossible to compose international limericks using words like that. Americans say Hooston, Brits say Hughston, and our veterinarian, who spells his name that way, pronounces it Howston)

caelum
November 21st, 2009, 07:34 AM
An astronaut leaving from Houston
He sipped from his straw in a juice tin

qwertyman
November 21st, 2009, 09:23 AM
An astronaut leaving from Houston
He sipped from his straw in a juice tin
But not reading the label

The Backward OX
November 21st, 2009, 09:43 AM
An astronaut leaving from Houston
He sipped from his straw in a juice tin
But not reading the label
Which said "Product of Babel"

Olly Buckle
November 21st, 2009, 11:23 AM
An astronaut leaving from Houston
He sipped from his straw in a juice tin
But not reading the label
Which said "Product of Babel"
Meant Houston heard babble and confusion

The Backward OX
November 21st, 2009, 11:30 AM
The Barbary Ape of Gibraltar

Olly Buckle
November 21st, 2009, 01:44 PM
The Barbary Ape of Gibraltar
If he caught you might make your eyes water

Gumby
November 21st, 2009, 03:01 PM
The Barbary Ape of Gibraltar
If he caught you might make your eyes water
he could hug you so hard

caelum
November 22nd, 2009, 11:57 PM
The Barbary Ape of Gibraltar
If he caught you might make your eyes water
he could hug you so hard
that your guts turn to lard

Cran
November 23rd, 2009, 12:15 AM
The Barbary Ape of Gibraltar
If he caught you might make your eyes water
he could hug you so hard
that your guts turn to lard
as he carries you off to the altar

caelum
November 23rd, 2009, 12:33 AM
LOL

moderan
November 23rd, 2009, 12:52 AM
There was a young girl from Las Cruces

Gumby
November 23rd, 2009, 01:16 AM
There was a young girl from Las Cruces
who drank Margaritas in deuces

moderan
November 23rd, 2009, 02:54 AM
There was a young girl from Las Cruces
who drank Margaritas in deuces
she raised up her glass

The Backward OX
November 23rd, 2009, 03:22 AM
There was a young girl from Las Cruces
who drank Margaritas in deuces
she raised up her glass
and gave the bar sass

Gumby
November 23rd, 2009, 03:35 AM
There was a young girl from Las Cruces
who drank Margaritas in deuces
she raised up her glass
and gave the bar sass
her excuse is that deuces induces.

The Backward OX
November 23rd, 2009, 03:42 AM
Oh, very well put indeed.


And, no, that isn't an entry. Not enough syllables.

Gumby
November 23rd, 2009, 03:58 AM
There was a young girl from Las Cruces
who drank Margaritas in deuces
she raised up her glass
and gave the bar sass
her excuse, that deuces induces

Okay Ox, is that better?

caelum
November 23rd, 2009, 04:01 AM
This thread rules, man.

through the bushes I see the gorilla

Gumby
November 23rd, 2009, 04:07 AM
through the bushes I see the gorilla
Oh my god, he's the size of Godzilla!

The Backward OX
November 23rd, 2009, 04:07 AM
There was a young girl from Las Cruces
who drank Margaritas in deuces
she raised up her glass
and gave the bar sass
her excuse, that deuces induces.


Okay Ox, is that better?
Bah. The intricacies of the Internet.

Wot I meant was. . . .

No, I'll rephrase that.

My first line - oh very well put indeed - was meant to be praise of your extremely clever line.

MY second line - no, that's not an entry, etc - was meant for the enlightenment of all the dunderheads who may have thought "oh very well put indeed" was in fact an entry.

It's a habit of mine - using verbal shorthand and hoping for the best. I learnt it from Quertyman.

Now go back and change your edit back to the original exceedingly clever line.

Gumby
November 23rd, 2009, 04:11 AM
Oh *blushing* I'm not usually that thick headed.

The Backward OX
November 23rd, 2009, 04:16 AM
through the bushes I see the gorilla
Oh my god, he's the size of godzilla!
In the mind of this ape
(and remember, it's a family forum)

caelum
November 23rd, 2009, 05:26 AM
through the bushes I see the gorilla
Oh my god, he's the size of godzilla!
In the mind of this ape
goes my slug with a scrape

moderan
November 23rd, 2009, 06:47 AM
through the bushes I see the gorilla
Oh my god, he's the size of godzilla!
In the mind of this ape
goes my slug with a scrape
and it cause the gorilla to chilla

ash somers
November 23rd, 2009, 10:25 AM
When little Johnnie was caught peeking

The Backward OX
November 23rd, 2009, 10:35 AM
That doesn't have the 3-beat pattern required for the first line of a limerick.

(Seems Olly was correct. Damn)

ash somers
November 23rd, 2009, 10:40 AM
just make something up you pedantic old fart

The Backward OX
November 23rd, 2009, 10:51 AM
who r u calling a pedantic old fart? when ppl mess with your precious cinquain thread you go all chookies bum about it.

ash somers
November 23rd, 2009, 10:54 AM
chookies bum? ha, what rubbish and it's not my thread
i just happened to start it ... ... so tell me
how do i fix the first line, then ?

The Backward OX
November 23rd, 2009, 11:00 AM
Examples of 3-beat lines:

It was on the back road out of Cowes

There was an old hag from Orstrayl-ya

She had a face like the back of a bus

etc

The Backward OX
November 23rd, 2009, 11:06 AM
... ... so tell me
how do i fix the first line, then ?
I can't seem to find the delete button, sorry.

ash somers
November 23rd, 2009, 11:11 AM
i don't see the problem with little johnnie getting caught peeking *bok bok*

The Backward OX
November 23rd, 2009, 11:27 AM
It’s all to do with syncopation. There are pauses, or rests, between phrases, that correctly set out the beat of a limerick.

There was (pause) an old hag (pause) from the island (pause) would werk, whereas little johnnie howard or whatever it was doesn’t have any such pauses.

ash somers
November 23rd, 2009, 11:35 AM
ha ha ... yeah, but what if i said it like

when little - johnnie was - caught peeking

would that werk ?

The Backward OX
November 23rd, 2009, 12:00 PM
Umm . . . there are a few other things.

Lines 1, 2 and 5 should all contain nine or ten syllables, and lines 3 and 4 six.

The pause or rest in lines 3 and 4 comes after the third syllable.

The first pause in lines 1, 2 and 5 should come after either the second or third syllable, and the second break comes after the sixth.

And in all five lines, only words containing the correct number of syllables that fit this pattern can be used.

e.g.,

Line 1: There was a young man from Nantucket
Line 2: whose **** was so long he could s*ck it
Line 3: and he said (pause) with a grin (pause)
Line 4: as he cleaned (pause) off his chin (pause)
LIne 5: "If my ear was a **** I could **** it."

ash somers
November 23rd, 2009, 12:06 PM
oh, so sorry, i didn't realise we were playing for a sheep station

The Backward OX
November 23rd, 2009, 12:36 PM
To get a beat going in the little johnnie thing it would need to be something like:

When wee john// was then caught// a-peeking

The Backward OX
November 23rd, 2009, 12:38 PM
oh, so sorry, i didn't realise we were playing for a sheep station
Perhaps this has taught you never to ask me questions.

The Backward OX
November 23rd, 2009, 12:43 PM
It has also taught me never to answer them.

moderan
November 23rd, 2009, 12:45 PM
There once was an OX from down under

Gumby
November 23rd, 2009, 04:32 PM
There once was an OX from down under
who could limerick a thread asunder ( :) )

qwertyman
November 23rd, 2009, 05:42 PM
There once was an OX from down under
who could limerick a thread asunder ( :smile: )
Claimed, only words containing the correct number of syllables that fit this pattern can be used.


(you ave to say it qvickly, in a Fraanch accent...zoot alors vot an artsite je suis.)

ash somers
November 23rd, 2009, 10:25 PM
where were you when i needed you last night?
bloody rules and regulations, you'd think this was
the fuckin military or something similar *shakes head*

There once was an OX from down under
Who could limerick a thread asunder
With his head up his bum

i've seen plenty of our limericks
break his stupid pattern scheme
and still come off sounding okay

Gumby
November 23rd, 2009, 10:52 PM
There once was an OX from down under
Who could limerick a thread asunder
With his head up his bum
are we all having fun? (i hope)

Cran
November 23rd, 2009, 11:09 PM
There once was an OX from down under
Who could limerick a thread asunder
With his head up his bum
are we all having fun?
As we blunder this chunder, by thunder!

The Backward OX
November 23rd, 2009, 11:16 PM
Originally Posted by ash somers http://www.writingforums.com/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://www.writingforums.com/lm-poetry-challenge/110100-limerick-thread-post1319117.html#post1319117)
where were you when i needed you last night?
bloody rules and regulations, you'd think this was
the fuckin military or something similar *shakes head*

There once was an OX from down under
Who could limerick a thread asunder
With his head up his bum

i've seen plenty of our limiricks
break his stupid pattern scheme
and still come off sounding okay
Don’t shoot me, I’m only the messenger. I didn’t make the rules.

And anyway, what’s so wrong with doing stuff correctly? That’s what’s wrong with this site generally. Stuff being jammed into the creativity forums further back up the page without enough thought being given to it before posting. The posters should be effing well ashamed of themselves.

Gumby
November 23rd, 2009, 11:33 PM
As we blunder this chunder, by thunder!

Excellent ending, Cran!

The Backward OX
November 23rd, 2009, 11:46 PM
Unfussy? Blasé? Join a forum

Gumby
November 24th, 2009, 12:02 AM
Unfussy? Blasé? Join a forum
just try to maintain your decorum

moderan
November 24th, 2009, 12:15 AM
Unfussy? Blasé? Join a forum
just try to maintain your decorum
if at first it seems unfunny

Cran
November 24th, 2009, 01:49 AM
Unfussy? Blasé? Join a forum
just try to maintain your decorum
if ... it seems unfunny
and/or stormy, not sunny

caelum
November 24th, 2009, 02:35 AM
Unfussy? Blasé? Join a forum
just try to maintain your decorum
if ... it seems unfunny
and/or stormy, not sunny
that means too bad honey, you bore 'em

Olly Buckle
November 24th, 2009, 10:26 AM
The quarrelsome folk of Australia

moderan
November 24th, 2009, 10:53 AM
The quarrelsome folk of Australia
continually try to assail ya

The Backward OX
November 24th, 2009, 11:07 AM
The quarrelsome folk of Australia
continually try to assail ya
But no one is list’ning

ash somers
November 24th, 2009, 11:43 AM
The quarrelsome folk of Australia
Continually try to assail ya
But no one is list’ning
To the verbal bristling

moderan
November 24th, 2009, 11:55 AM
The quarrelsome folk of Australia
Continually try to assail ya
But no one is list’ning
To the verbal bristling
So the words are destined to fail ya

The Backward OX
November 24th, 2009, 12:54 PM
There's this old bat, she lives on an island

Cran
November 24th, 2009, 02:25 PM
There's this old bat, she lives on an island
in a kilt she brought from the highland

Gumby
November 24th, 2009, 09:33 PM
There's this old bat, she lives on an island
in a kilt she brought from the highland
paired with killer stilettos

ash somers
November 24th, 2009, 10:12 PM
There's this old bat, she lives on an island
in a kilt she brought from the highland
paired with killer stilettos
you'll be screaming falsetto

The Backward OX
November 24th, 2009, 11:46 PM
There's this old bat, she lives on an island
in a kilt she brought from the highland
paired with killer stilettos
you'll be screaming falsetto
As she sang, "This land is my land."

caelum
November 25th, 2009, 03:29 AM
"You know," said my sis, "you're so lazy,

Cran
November 25th, 2009, 02:58 PM
"You know," said my sis, "you're so lazy,
and why do your friends call you 'Daisy'?

Gumby
November 25th, 2009, 03:41 PM
"You know," said my sis, "you're so lazy,
and why do your friends call you 'Daisy'?
Can't they see, you've a beard?

The Backward OX
November 25th, 2009, 04:05 PM
"You know," said my sis, "you're so lazy,
and why do your friends call you 'Daisy'?
Can't they see, you've a beard?
But I'm a shemale; I'm weird

caelum
November 26th, 2009, 05:02 AM
"You know," said my sis, "you're so lazy,
and why do your friends call you 'Daisy'?
Can't they see you've a beard?"
"But I'm ... shemale; I'm weird.
And the hairs on my moobies amaze me."

(moobs = man boobs)

Olly Buckle
November 26th, 2009, 12:44 PM
The rain lashes down in the winter

The Backward OX
November 26th, 2009, 12:59 PM
The rain lashes down in the winter.
The roof leaks. It shorts out my printer

Sigg
November 26th, 2009, 03:30 PM
The rain lashes down in the winter.
The roof leaks. It shorts out my printer
Despite my warranty, the IT staff is no help

qwertyman
November 26th, 2009, 06:13 PM
Sigg, you have five hours to pack your belongings and leave town before the down-under limerick police, led by Chief Inspector Ox, awaken.



Pssst.....I believe there is a safe house in Llareggub.

Sigg
November 26th, 2009, 06:17 PM
Sigg, you have five hours to pack your belongings and leave town before the down-under limerick police, led by Chief Inspector Ox, awaken.



Pssst.....I believe there is a safe house in Llareggub.

what? i read the OP and the last page or so... are there some declared rules buried somewhere in the middle of the umpteen pages of this thread that i missed?

ash somers
November 26th, 2009, 06:22 PM
let me be of assistance
before the wrath of an ox
decends upon you *shudder*

The rain lashes down in the winter.
The roof leaks. It shorts out my printer
Despite my warranty
The techs wouldn't help me

qwertyman
November 26th, 2009, 06:28 PM
Sigg, I can't 'elp you. Ahm not even 'ere. I don't do poetry. Ahm disguised in dis French accent so nobiddy knows oo I yam, n'est pas.

Zees poets are so stoopid.

Beware of ze Vache!

ash somers
November 26th, 2009, 06:37 PM
Zees poets are so stoopid.


watchit buster!

Sigg
November 26th, 2009, 06:38 PM
oh i get it, i didnt follow the rules of limerick writing, my bad

EDIT : im not a poet either, i didnt even know what a limerick was until i just looked it up

The Backward OX
November 26th, 2009, 09:36 PM
What is it with young people today? Doesn’t anyone know anything anymore? Two nights ago we were watching Millionaire, The Oracle and I, and there was this kid, he’d got ninety-nine point something in his final year high school exams and he didn’t know the meaning of the word ‘querulous’. Christ I knew limericks while I was still in short pants. All that kids seem to know these days is who was the lead singer with The Dogs Bollox or some such shit.

The Backward OX
November 26th, 2009, 09:50 PM
The rain lashes down in the winter.
The roof leaks. It shorts out my printer
Despite my warranty
The techs wouldn't help me
'Cos all they're interested in is getting out on their balcony with their cans of VB in hand and cheering on the long-legged blonde sprinter.

Sigg
November 26th, 2009, 09:52 PM
What is it with young people today? Doesn’t anyone know anything anymore? Two nights ago we were watching Millionaire, The Oracle and I, and there was this kid, he’d got ninety-nine point something in his final year high school exams and he didn’t know the meaning of the word ‘querulous’. Christ I knew limericks while I was still in short pants. All that kids seem to know these days is who was the lead singer with The Dogs Bollox or some such shit.


you really want to go down this road? want me to start spouting facts about things that 12 year olds these days know that you probably don't?

either way, i admitted my ignorance and then i educated myself, would you have done the same had our roles been reversed?

you have are very good at getting people to want to participate, have you ever considered a career in sales or marketing?

The Backward OX
November 26th, 2009, 10:05 PM
My portrait:

http://trueslant.com/hivemind/files/2009/08/snakeoil.jpg

Olly Buckle
November 27th, 2009, 12:06 AM
Ox,
That last line bars you from ever criticising anyone over syllable counts or scanning.
It also has nothing to do with the first two lines.
I am surprised you did not rhyme sphincter, easy to make it scan, too late now.


want me to start spouting facts about things that 12 year olds these days know that you probably don't?

Well, if you can do it in the form of a limerick, mind you you only get individual lines which means sometimes other people divert your intent. According to their nature some people find this amusing, others find it annoying.

Sigg
November 27th, 2009, 12:15 AM
According to their nature some people find this amusing, others find it annoying.

which is why i just asked the rhetorical question instead of going into a long serious post

anyway... time for a new 1st line?...


Barry was a baker from Belgium

** did i do it right this time?

The Backward OX
November 27th, 2009, 12:42 AM
Not only was it (almost) right, you even managed alliteration.

Now let's see someone rhyme a word with Belgium.

caelum
November 27th, 2009, 04:42 AM
Barry was a baker from Belgium
Whose caloric crumpets would bulge him

(oh yeah, baby)

ash somers
November 27th, 2009, 05:03 AM
Barry was a baker from Belgium
Whose caloric crumpets would bulge him
t'ill his gut would hang out




and ox, you're definitely on probation after that last line, wtf?

The Backward OX
November 27th, 2009, 05:22 AM
and ox, you're definitely on probation after that last line, wtf?



Originally Posted by ash somers http://www.writingforums.com/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://www.writingforums.com/lm-poetry-challenge/110100-limerick-thread-post1319117.html#post1319117)
bloody rules and regulations, you'd think this was
the fuckin military or something similar *shakes head*

i've seen plenty of our limericks
break his stupid pattern scheme
and still come off sounding okay

Jeez, I dunno. No matter what I do, it’s wrong. Work by the rules, I get abused. Write a short story for a last line, I still get abused. I’m going back to my novel.

ash somers
November 27th, 2009, 08:47 AM
awww diddums, poor ox
and if you must know
i prefer the looser u

Sigg
November 27th, 2009, 11:11 AM
Not only was it (almost) right, you even managed alliteration.

Now let's see someone rhyme a word with Belgium.


what was 'almost' ? i made it the right number of syllables, it introduced a person or place and included some alliteration...

ive looked around a bit more as well and i can't figure out what the word 'scan' means in this context. what does it mean if the limerick 'doesn't scan'? doesn't have the correct number of syllables?

also, i think the word 'seldom' would have gone well with Belgium.


Barry was a baker from Belgium
Whose caloric crumpets would bulge him
t'ill his gut would hang out
It made his wife pout

The Backward OX
November 27th, 2009, 11:37 AM
what was 'almost' ? i made it the right number of syllables, it introduced a person or place and included some alliteration...

ive looked around a bit more as well and i can't figure out what the word 'scan' means in this context. what does it mean if the limerick 'doesn't scan'? doesn't have the correct number of syllables?



I only know when something sounds right. I can't explain the technicalities. Scanning is to do with the rules of metre or meter which I know nothing about. Olly might.

Sigg
November 27th, 2009, 11:40 AM
i never understood the whole 'meter' thing... i mean when you start saying words to a beat, you can put emphasis or accents or elongated syllables anywhere you want to fit the beat, so the diction itself seems somehow unrelated to me.

the one i remember from school is iambic pentameter

bah, im not a poet anyway, ill stick to writing instrumental music and writing short stories!

impactblade
November 27th, 2009, 03:58 PM
Barry was a baker from Belgium
Whose caloric crumpets would bulge him
t'ill his gut would hang out
It made his wife pout
So she left him and went off east-some.

...Not perfect, but someone had to finish it!

Gumby
November 27th, 2009, 04:04 PM
Barry was a baker from Belgium
Whose caloric crumpets would bulge him
t'ill his gut would hang out
It made his wife pout
So the sex became very seldom

Sorry, impactblade. I had already posted before I saw your line. :)

Olly Buckle
November 27th, 2009, 11:40 PM
I only know when something sounds right. I can't explain the technicalities. Scanning is to do with the rules of metre or meter which I know nothing about. Olly might.

I am no expert but as I understand it the metre is the ground plan so to speak, showing the pattern of the stresses. When it is said that something scans it means that it can be read rhythmically.


you can put emphasis or accents or elongated syllables anywhere you want to fit the beat,

Sort of, sometimes. Think in terms of a natural rhythm though and it becomes obvious when things don't work, and some simply don't.
not
Barry was a baker from Belgium
Who went Australia for a dinkum welcome
but
Barry was a baker from Belgium
Who in Oz got a fair dinkum welcome

Back to limericks.

Olly Buckle
November 27th, 2009, 11:45 PM
An Arch-Bishop sat on a scaffold

(Note to Ox, ribald, cuckold, sozzled)

qwertyman
November 28th, 2009, 12:02 AM
An Arch-Bishop sat on a scaffold
His intentions were bafflingly manifold

The Backward OX
November 28th, 2009, 12:04 AM
Now that is spooky. Only yesterday I had been looking for a way to keep an Archbishop in my novel, and finally decided to axe him. And now today, here he is on the scaffold. That is really amazing.

The Backward OX
November 28th, 2009, 12:09 AM
An Arch-Bishop sat on a scaffold
His intentions, bafflingly manifold
He'd been chasing the Vicar





(A female vicar, of course. Nothing queer about the old Arch-B)

qwertyman
November 28th, 2009, 12:15 AM
An Arch-Bishop sat on a scaffold
His intentions, bafflingly manifold
He'd been chasing the Vicar
On his steeple to stick a

The Backward OX
November 28th, 2009, 01:16 AM
An Arch-Bishop sat on a scaffold
His intentions, bafflingly manifold
He'd been chasing the Vicar
On his steeple to stick a
Quert mucks up the verse ‘cos he’s getting old.

qwertyman
November 28th, 2009, 09:10 AM
Yew stoopid vache, I was sinkin ov:

An Arch-Bishop sat on a scaffold
His intentions, bafflingly manifold
He'd been chasing the Vicar
On his steeple to stick a
mamma-glorious playboy centre-fold


I am doing ze next one in FRaanch. All run for your dictionaire's you stoopid poets

Ze frog as ze most beautiful legs

ash somers
November 28th, 2009, 09:20 AM
Ze frog as ze most beautiful legs
All slimy zey go well wit raw eggs

qwertyman
November 28th, 2009, 09:27 AM
Aha!!! I knew you poets were stoopid and can't spik Fraanch

All slimy -zey not they - go well wit raw eggs

ash somers
November 28th, 2009, 09:32 AM
iz fix it, juz fer you, my petal dove *kiss*