Thread: does this make sense?

as the title says, does this make sense?:

'I wanted to kill him; it was to my own satisfaction that I left him in the cave'

I'd have to know the context of the phrase to help you thoroughly, but I'd say it makes sense to me.

I would have thought "...for my own satisfaction..." - Done to my satisfaction sounds more like he's finished the accounts or tidied the bookshelfs ...to his satisfaction, it sounds impersonal, whereas killing in that situation is very personal.

It makes sense some, but lacking context I don't know how it is you want it to make sense. The only thing I have to really contribute would maybe be....

"I wanted to kill him; and so it was to my own satisfaction that I left him in the cave." Just to draw a more logical line between the two thoughts.

No, it doesn't.

There's a writing pattern called MRU (Motivation-Reaction Unit)...

It goes:
Motivation -> Reaction

Another way of looking at it:
Internal -> External

Yet another way of looking at it:
Feeling -> Action

This pattern repeats. Feeling, Action, Feeling, Action. You can break the pattern, of course. It's not a rule. But often the pattern helps if you're having trouble with a section, or a line (like here).

I suggest:

"I wanted to kill him, so I left him in the cave."

Is in sync with: Feeling, Action.

As compared to:

"I wanted to kill him; it was to my own satisfaction that I left him in the cave."

Which reads more like: Feeling; Feeling Action

Which is probably why you feel dubious about whether or not it's correct. Grammatically it's close, but rhythmically it feels a bit wrong.

Just my two cents.

It makes sense to me. But you could leave out the "I wanted to kill him" bit if it is clear to the reader that he will die in the cave. If that is what it means.

Could you perhaps split the sentence in two? A bit more gravitas without the semicolon? Of course, I'm unsure of the context so it's hard to say if that's what you're going for.

'I wanted to kill him. It was to my own satisfaction that I left him in the cave'

or

'I was satisfied to leave him in the cave. I wanted to kill him.'

Originally Posted by Ritcherd

as the title says, does this make sense?:

'I wanted to kill him; it was to my own satisfaction that I left him in the cave'

Context would help. As written, it sounds clunky. Gut feel is that there's a better way to write it, but it depends on the voice and the context.