Thread: Submitting to an agent help

I've been trying to apply to agents on and off for many years now. After all this time I'm beginning to wonder is something might be wrong with my approach.
I use the writers and artists yearbook, this years, to find all the agents who represent Fantasy authors. I always visit the agents website, if they have one, to double check their submissions policy and to gather more info on the company, I try and make sure my synopses are two pages or under but still cover all the major plot points, I always include an sae with my submission, and I always include sample chapters; the first three chapters or 10,000 words, whichever is shorter. I've read that's the industry standard.

But I'm not sure if my initial letter is enough to grab their attention. If the letter is the thing that makes the first impression with an agent, is it as good as it can be? is there anything I can do to make it seem better?

Below I've pasted a pretty standard letter. Don't misunderstand, I don't send form letters out to agents. Pieces of information are going to be the same whoever I write to; information about myself for example. I then add pieces of information about the novel and pieces of information that show I have researched their company and I'm not just blindly sending letters out to everyone in the industry.
I was trying to sound casual and friendly in my approach, not wanting to come across as boring, unfeeling and uninterested.
The stuff that's standard in all my letters is in italics just for your reading, so you know what's normal and what's been written just for that book and agent. Obviously it's all the same font and style on the letter I send out.

***

To the Submissions Department of Greene And Heaton

My name is Adam (My last name here.)
I'm 25 and I've never been published before, never sent anything out to newspapers or magazines, anthologies or anything of the like. I don't send works out to publishers directly because no one in the industry, at least no one who accepts fantasy works, accepts unsolicited material.
I took up writing when I was eleven years old, although it was two years, at the age of thirteen that I had my first good idea.

The story I'm submitting to you for your consideration is Tears of Blood. A fantasy story with some elements of Bram Stoker-esque vampire horror. No sparkling vampires here. They are monsters who kill and drink blood and are hunted and hated.

It was around age 20 that I felt my skill may have reached a level that could be considered professional enough to be worthy of representation and publication. Knowing that publishers don't accept material without the backing of an agent I'm still seeking the representation I need.

Not that I've been idle over the years. I've had more than one idea and I've written and completed five novels and I'm currently working on a sixth which is the first of a trilogy. So I can guarantee at least five novels you can sell to publishers and there'll be more unless I get severe writers block for the rest of my life. Trust me, that's not going to happen, I just have far too many ideas going on and never enough time to write them down. I have files and notes on my computer that can be developed into 50 more novels and who knows how many more I'll come up with in the future.
I've visited your website, and seen your more than impressive client list. I know many of the names, seen them many times on the bookshelves and nominated for awards. Good authors with great reputations and much respect across the literary world. I've even read some of the works of Bill Bryson and P.D. James.
I've seen that you represent several authors who work in the fantasy genre and I would be honoured to be represented by your company. A company of your size and reputation would be simply an amazing opportunity for me. I could be so very good. All I need is to be given the chance.
I include with this letter a synopsis of my work and sample chapters for your consideration and I look forward to hearing your reply.

Kind regards,

(My hand written signature)

Adam (my last name)


***
Yeah, that's a perfect example of the kind of letters I've been sending out to agents during this year.
Any advice would be most welcome.

personally, i'm waiting until i get 2 short stories published before i start "agent shopping".
i feel any kind of "resume" would grab their attention quicker than a perfectly written initial cover letter;
and also tempt them to take anything i offer, as far as reading, much more seriously.

That's nice.
Unfortunately I can't really do short stories, only full novels and it seems no publisher will even look at any submissions that aren't backed by an agent.
So trying to get an agents backing is my only route.

there are many people here with much more experience in this department than i, so they could surely help
you more. just a thought on reading your letter, though.......when i peruse the submission guidelines of the short story
websites i've been to, nearly every one of them states "NO VAMPIRE STORIES", or something to the effect that if
you're submitting a vampire story, it had better be original in the extreme. i'm not sure if it's the same way with
publishers of novels or agents, though. i was just wondering if maybe the fact that you're submitting what you claim
a vampire story has anything to do with you not getting responses.
but anyway, like i said, many people here would know better than i.
good luck.

"I'm 25 and I've never been published before, never sent anything out to newspapers or magazines, anthologies or anything of the like. "

This could be seen as too casual. When submitting a proposal letter, try to make it business like. Do not state a negative (never been published) they don't need to know that at this stage.

"My name is Adam (My last name here.) "

This is not necessary as your name should be on the letter head to the right, along with your address.

All in all the letter should be as short as possible, include a paragraph about yourself (what you do other than writing), about the work you are submitting, and leave it at that. If you know facts about the particular agent then state them (I know you were an agent for a particular book etc, which my book is similar to).

Remember - this is business, so be clear and formal

Others may disagree. BTW - I have yet to approach an agent but this is how I would go about it.

First of all, your letter is too long, and it includes too much information that is neither about the work you want them to represent nor helpful to you. Agents don't care when you started writing or why you choose to do it, and to open your query with "Hi, I've never been published before, but..." is only going to give them a negative impression of you from the start.

My advice is to begin your letter with why you are approaching them to represent your book specifically. You say you do some research on the agent and agency first, which is excellent, but the next step is to prove it (without being lengthy). Something along the lines of "I'm writing to you because you represent [AUTHOR/BOOK] and I feel mine falls into the same market." Or if you're not familiar with the specific authors that agent represents (you should be), then something like "I'm writing to you because you've stated that you're looking for new material in [GENRE] and I feel my novel would be a good fit for you."

This step doesn't seem that important, but it proves you've done your research and most agents are more willing to work with authors that know the market and care enough about their book to do their homework.

Your second paragraph should go into the details of your book. You want this to be short as well, but you want it to stand out. Your paragraph just makes me think it's a gory vampire book to follow many gory vampire books that came before. What makes yours stand out? Why is it unique? I would say this section should cover one paragraph--two at most. Sell your story to the agent (and I don't mean by pleading). Show them why it deserves to be published. Catch their attention. Make them want to read it.

The third paragraph is where you talk about you, and if you don't have any legitimate publishing credentials, be short and sweet. Don't rattle on about how you would love to be published but haven't managed it so far. They don't care and it makes you look like you're trying too hard. In fact, I would even say that if you haven't been published, just leave this paragraph out. If you want to include it, go ahead, but keep it short. From my understanding, agents receive hundreds of queries a day, so they have to squeeze them in during whatever free time they get, and as a result, most of them read the query looking for a good reason to reject it, so they can move on to the rest of the stack.

As further research, I'd suggest checking out Noah Lukeman's "How to Write a Great Query Letter." There's a free .PDF of that book you can download and review. (Lukeman is a literary agent, so I'd highly recommend reading this ebook to see what an agent says about query letters.)

Thanks. That's some really useful stuff there.