Thread: Need a quarrel! Help?

Hi,
I'm just 34,756 words into my current novel and I've hit a problem, I've decided that I need a nice quarrel at this point in the story, something passionate, about things that matter to the protagonists. But the problems I have with it are 1) I need the two of them to stay together, i.e. they don't kill each other and 2) I'm obviously crap at writing quarrels.
This is what I have at the moment, and this is really just a discussion, not a quarrel at all:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Annette watched Stephen fidgeting with his pencil on the notepad where he'd been working something out.
She was doodling in her own small sketchbook. Not because she was working, but just because she felt most comfortable, most relaxed, with sketch pad and pencil either in her hand or within easy reach. Just in case a workable idea should brush against the surface of her mind, as they sometimes did. If she had to search for pad and pencil, by the time she found them, the idea would be ash, the gentle relaxing mood gone, smouldering frustration in its place.
She let her pencil caress the air above the pad, while the feeling of a shape solidified in her mind, as it did so, she let the pencil contact the surface of the pad, transferring vision to paper. It was still just a doodle but as she played with more ideas, she became aware of Stephen's regard. He still fidgeted with his pencil, but now he also watched her, as if plucking up courage or gauging the best time. The gentle mood was slipping away from her, and her shoulders tensed to meet what she knew was coming.
Stephen looked away, out of the window.
"The window frames on the ground floor of the west wing are rotting away," he said before looking back at her.
"So? I hope you're not expecting me to fix them."
"You've got the money."
"Yes, money I worked hard for, money I intend to use to help build my business."
"It wouldn't take much from what you've got, to fix up a few windows. Your business is leaping off on its own."
"A few!" she put her pencil down on the pad with a snap. "There are twenty windows on the ground floor of the west wing. Anyway, your problems with Ashby Manor are more than just a few windows. It needs to be self sufficient. And it just isn't, it's more like a money pit. I don't want to pour money I've worked hard for into a bottomless pit where I'll get no return for it."
"You will get a return for it, the satisfaction of saving a work of art."
"I make my own art, thank you."
"But you can't deny artists that came before you can you? You used to rave about some of them when we were at Uni." Stephen got up abruptly and began pacing up and down the room. "This is my home that we're talking about, my family have lived there for generations, history has been written there," he stopped in front of Annette as she sat with her notepad on her knee, her expression tranquil but firm. She looked, not intractable, but just uninterested.
He paced away from her, his frustration a burning presence between them. Annette looked up at a small pencil sketch placed low on the wall in front of her. It was one of her earliest efforts. The beginning of the design that had won her the award that kickstarted her whole career. She took a deep breath.
"Look, if you want to keep Ashby Manor you have to create a business plan for its future. You have to have some idea of how it will be self supporting. You can't expect anyone, a bank, a business, me; to just give you money. There has to be some return, a future, growth, something," she looked at Stephen with frustration. She had no particular love for Ashby Manor, but then she didn't hate it either. But she couldn't say what she really felt; that Stephen would be better off without it, it hung round his neck like a millstone, draining all the brilliance and impetus from him. Even his surgical career wasn't going anywhere any more, he was now just marking time. And why couldn't she tell him these things? Because Stephen loved Ashby, and because despite herself, she loved him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Help? How can I ginger this up?

Fran

There needs to be a bit more of a confrontation. I wouldn't even mention the notepads unless they can tie into the argument. for example, since she is aware of the money being wasted, have her doing some financial calculating, have bills maybe flutter from the wind seeping through cracks of the window ( she could be sitting one of those nooks with a blanket, using the light of day rather than turn another bill on.)

This would tie the notepads mention and give the story movement forward. He comes in for example and notes that the windows need fixing ie

**

I would draw in the room they are in, rather than what she or he is doodling.

*****This is only an example and not a template of change********

**

....(setting)

"We'll have to fix those windows before winter. They leak badly." He sits closer to the fire and throws another five pound log in like they had money to burn.

"They aren't the only things that leak in this house."

"What's that suppose to mean?"

She waves to the bills held down by her toes. "Do you even look at these when they come in?"

"We've got money."

"What?"

The log pops and distracts him for a moment. "From your job. We can afford it."

"You keep saying we, like it's your money." She stares into his eyes to make sure he hears her. "It's my money. Money I work hard for."

He seems untouched. Another $5 log goes in. (I can't for the life of me find the pound/quid key symbol on my keyboard, sorry) "I don't know what you are so worried about. When summer season hits you'll get it all back."

"Ha!" Even she's surprised by her laughs spite.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"This . . . " she pans the room with her eyes, "money pit will give us nothing but heartache."

He stands with his pride rufflling, "This is my home. I grew up here, my parents grew up here. This house is important to me. Why can't you understand?"

She listens to him stomp off, knows she could have been easier on him but someone had to say something. Gathering the bills she goes over them again. Maybe there is another way.

*

The above is merely an example. It might not suit your individual's characteristics or the story itself, or your writing. What I wanted to show is a progression of actions, keeping the argument in the centre. I would do not know if the room was drawn in better prior, but you can add more to the surroundings to colour in the blank areas. I didn't do so because this is just an example

Others I'm sure will give great advice, always look at advice collectively rather than solely. I did like your mc and writing.

Thank you

S

Oh no you don't...

" Because Stephen loved Ashby, and because despite herself, she loved him." That sentence needs to go.

Seyelint, thank you very much for your long reply

Er...., perhaps I should have posted the previous 34,099 words first.

Okay, to clarify matters (as much as is possible).
Annette Fields inherited money 22 years ago, and used some of that to start a business on the strength of an award she won at that time, showcasing her considerable talent in design.

She now owns a thriving interior design busines called "Raging Isles" and is really considerably wealthy.
Stephen, has inherited Ashby Manor which was falling into decay before he was born. He managed to gain a surgical consultancy due to his talent, but he does not earn enough to do more than keep the main part of the house dry and fairly sound.
(Annette owns her own house which she bought when her business first took off, and has furnished and designed it herself, originally it served as a showcase but now she lives there. Stephen and she are 'involved'. (Annette also has a step brother, but that's dealt with in other places)

Ashby Manor is a huge place of some historical significance with some lands attached. (think landed gentry) Stephen needs to just wake up and think seriously about it, plan its and his future.
22 years ago Annette broke up with someone else and on the rebound had a brief intimate relationship with a man (Matt) who has just been found (in weird circumstances) dead, after this brief affair, Annette had a mental breakdown but remained friends with Matt all the time - (Platonically) so she was very upset when he was found dead.

Oh, perhaps I should add that this is a Murder mystery and Matt's body was the first of (so far) 2 deaths. Both victims were part of the same small circle of friends 22 years ago at University. (and the deaths are definitely linked - linked together and linked to something that happened 22 years ago.)

And about the financial calculating - that's what he was doing at the beginning of this segment, thus the notepad and pencil for him. For her the sketchpad and pencil are an integral part of her personality, it's part of who she is. Her snapping the pencil down on the pad has significance - for her if for no-one else.

I feel that I've answered all the questions (in the posted section) before I've let the quarrel even begin - I need the quarrel because it's - well it fits just here, and it will let me ferret a little futher into their characters - neither one of these two can know for sure that the other didn't kill Matt, but on the surface there seems to be no obvious connection between Stephen wanting (or needing) money for the Manor, and Annette's reluctance to just give him thousands, without any kind of firm business footing - and the murders...

Seyelint? What's an MC?


On describing the room - yes, it has already been described in considerable detail when my Main Protagonist (not present now) was interviewing 3 people here, and when interviewing Annette a 2nd time when Stephen walked in on them.... but perhaps I need to add a touch to signal this we are in this room again.... yes, will do that.

The murders are the important thing, but for these two they should just be an undercurrent, during this - discussion - or hopefully quarrel, either not specifically mentioned - or only obliquely referred to.

Oh and they are at Annette's house in Colchester, not at Stephen's Ashby Manor in White Colne (a village about... um I think it's about 20 minutes or a little more from Colchester - I'll need to look that up).
The room they are in is designed in themes of White, White ash floor, white walls, pale white leather furniture, a large heavy collage piece of art (made by another of the Uni friends) in tones of whites and pale beigy yellows, i.e. bleached bone - it's elegant and muted, and above all expensive.

Oh yes, one other thing - Stephen knows nothing about Annette's relationship, either 22 years ago or through the years since - with Matt.

Originally Posted by Bloggsworth

Oh no you don't...

Pardon???
What does that mean?

Originally Posted by Robdemanc

" Because Stephen loved Ashby, and because despite herself, she loved him." That sentence needs to go.

Um why does it need to go?

MC - Main Character

Originally Posted by seyelint

MC - Main Character

Ah, I see. In which case (thinking that means Annette) thanks. I'm glad that you like her, and amazed that you like the writing... She is certainly the MC in this section and the MC in the first paragraph of the whole novel... but not the MC over all - that'll be my detective. Te he.

I've just had a thought, as Stephen doesn't yet know about Annette's long standing relationship with Matt - maybe I could have that fact come out during this quarrel?
It's quite likely that he would ask about what happened, as the death was so dramatic, so that would seem natural.

Hmmm... yes, I like that...

Ah, a detective. That is the one thing about chapter critiquing, the MC can be anyone if you use multi-character pov, or if the chapter centres round a particular character at that time.

You should be more confident of your writing. It can still be polished, but no need to be amazed that another writer/reader likes your style.

Best writing to you.

S

Originally Posted by FranOnTheEdge

Um why does it need to go?

Because you are telling. You should allow the reader to work out that Annette loves him; let them figure out that he loves Ashby.

Originally Posted by seyelint

Ah, a detective. That is the one thing about chapter critiquing, the MC can be anyone if you use multi-character pov, or if the chapter centres round a particular character at that time.

You should be more confident of your writing. It can still be polished, but no need to be amazed that another writer/reader likes your style.

Best writing to you.

S

Yes, I find that I must use multicharacter Pov if the reader is to see what happens. You see the Police Inspector cannot be everywhere, and in some instances in this story, I've wanted the reader to watch the killer, through a glass darkly though, i.e. without me revealing who it is, although come to think of it... even in that section, I never actually said "this is the killer" so they can't even be sure of that. Just that the action in that section has relevance. Which is all I wanted.
In this section, I wanted many things, to pump up the tension, watch characters react, and intereact, to leak out a clue, or motive... etc etc

It is hard to be confident of your writing when you are alone, I can see looking back at previous writing that this is better than the previous stuff, but that's about it. I do realise that this section needs polish, I would never expect any section to be okay without rewriting, and this section I wrote about a day before posting it here, maybe just hours.
Isn't it said that the majority of writing is actually rewriting? So I have a long way to go yet, and I haven't even finished the first draft of this.
The rest of it is feeling rather.... smoke, dim lights and shadows - not yet completely revealed to me, not in the details.

Although I do know 'whodunit'.

Originally Posted by Robdemanc

Because you are telling. You should allow the reader to work out that Annette loves him; let them figure out that he loves Ashby.

Oh yes, of course, I see what you mean now. And you are so right! Thanks. It's a common fault with me, I get into my character's heads and start writing what they are thinking, and it's too tell.