Thread: I need help, it'll only take a second.

I'm writing piece, and I'm at a bump in the road.

I'm trying to describe people on a cold street corner, more specifically, their breath.

Its hard to describe, you know, the fog that forms when you exhale when it is cold outside. What is the correct term for that?

It is actually mist. It isn't the breath you see but concentrated water droplets.
If you go to the link below and read for a couple of minutes, it might give you an idea?

Breathe on Cold Days

Vapour, but in our house when it was like that outside it was always referred to as "Being dragons out".

Pilgrim while that is the proper term for what it is, is it necessarily the best way to describe it? Sometimes, depending on what surrounds it something like "They stood on the street corner in the snow, it was so cold out that they could see their breath as they waited for the cab." Will work just fine. I personally would be thrown off if I read "They stood on the street corner in the snow, it was so cold out that they could see the mist in the air as they breathed."

Originally Posted by theorphan

Pilgrim while that is the proper term for what it is, is it necessarily the best way to describe it? Sometimes, depending on what surrounds it something like "They stood on the street corner in the snow, it was so cold out that they could see their breath as they waited for the cab." Will work just fine. I personally would be thrown off if I read "They stood on the street corner in the snow, it was so cold out that they could see the mist in the air as they breathed."

It definitely isn't the best way to describe it.
I didn't post for that. Nicholas asked the correct term.
I posted a link so he could come up with his own description once he understood.

Thanks Olly! I was trying to say Vapour instead of "concentrated water droplets" but had a Brain fart

I have something similar in somethng I wrote. I was trying to describe it. In the end I just put "he could see his breath". Or "his breath floated up into the still air". I suppose it doesn't matter if you get the technicalities of it correct, just as long as the reader knows what you mean.

I suppose it doesn't matter if you get the technicalities of it correct, just as long as the reader knows what you mean.

I disagree to some extent, compare the above to:-

"It doesn't matter if its technically correct, if the reader knows what it means."

There are layers of understanding. To discerning readers those words that precede the clause(?), 'suppose' and 'just', will carry layers of meaning.

on your examples, may I suggest combining elements from the two, the seeing and the cold air, so it might become "I saw his breath where it met the cold air". It is always worth going for best.

Thanks guys, but I believe that the author and the reader need to find some middle ground when it comes to reading. So Robdemanc and Olly, you guys are both sort of right. I want it to sound nicely written, complex in a way, yet also simple enough for anyone to read it.

I know I'm making a big deal out of a simple word, but sometimes the smallest things can shift a piece of writing.

Well, it's just visible breath, really. I would just write: "they stood there in silence, breathing misty clouds into the chilly air" or something like that. Anyone who's ever been outside in cold weather is going to understand what you mean, which is sorta the important part. Trick is just to word it the right way.

I would say it is a transpiration exhaled in the fog
they stood there inhaling and exhaling cold misty air into the thick atmosphere of a chilly morning.

I would say it is a transpiration exhaled in the fog
they stood there inhaling and exhaling cold misty air into the thick atmosphere of a chilly morning.

So easily mis-understandings arise, we were not told it was a foggy morning, or that the inhaled air was misty or the atmosphere was thick, only that there was a little smoke like puff in front of the face when they breathed out.
I sometimes think that someone will misinterpret what is said no matter how you put it, but you are right, it is important to get it right, at least you can point at the manuscript and say "I didn't say that, look". Though that's for personal satisfaction the author will always be 'wrong' because 'he didn't state it clearly enough' and there is no point defending yourself.

Maybe be frosty breathe or maybe a like a kettle boiling steam from it's spout !!

Originally Posted by Olly Buckle

So easily mis-understandings arise, we were not told it was a foggy morning, or that the inhaled air was misty or the atmosphere was thick, only that there was a little smoke like puff in front of the face when they breathed out.
I sometimes think that someone will misinterpret what is said no matter how you put it, but you are right, it is important to get it right, at least you can point at the manuscript and say "I didn't say that, look". Though that's for personal satisfaction the author will always be 'wrong' because 'he didn't state it clearly enough' and there is no point defending yourself.

very true..maybe there should be a thread about called:
''what is the best way/ways to say this'' to get us practicing expressions and words.

Originally Posted by Nicholas.

Thanks guys, but I believe that the author and the reader need to find some middle ground when it comes to reading. So Robdemanc and Olly, you guys are both sort of right. I want it to sound nicely written, complex in a way, yet also simple enough for anyone to read it.

I know I'm making a big deal out of a simple word, but sometimes the smallest things can shift a piece of writing.

I think you should ask yourself how important this visible breath is to the story. If it is simply a case of wanting to describe the scene and allowing the reader to see what you mean, then I would say its not so important. But if the seeing of breath is important to the story then you will need to consider the technicalities of what is actually happening when we see our breath in cold air. In my story it didn't matter to the story, I just wanted to put across the fact that it was cold.

Originally Posted by Olly Buckle

I disagree to some extent, compare the above to:-

"It doesn't matter if its technically correct, if the reader knows what it means."

There are layers of understanding. To discerning readers those words that precede the clause(?), 'suppose' and 'just', will carry layers of meaning.

on your examples, may I suggest combining elements from the two, the seeing and the cold air, so it might become "I saw his breath where it met the cold air". It is always worth going for best.

I wasn't too concerned about the breath in my story, I had already established that it was cold because it there was snow on the ground. But I see what you mean, if the breath was the only way I was establishing the coldness of the air, then I would have tried more wordings.

This is an interesting thread. How something so everyday and taken for granted can actually be tricky to put into words.