Thread: Describing a Voice

I'm having some trouble here trying to describe a woman's voice. She has sort of a valley accent and the way she says the particular line gives you a feeling that she's being two-faced. I'm not really sure about using the word valley since my book takes place on a fictional planet.

You're right, using the word "Valley" to describe someone's voice in a sci-fi tale would be a rather jarring--and perhaps also confusing--anachronism. A lot of people don't even know what that means anymore anyway, so...

Ok, moving right along. Since WE both know what "valley" means, however, we can define it briefly as a singsong-cadenced type of speech with liberal helpings of the words, "like," "y'know," "totally," "gross," and so on, exclusive to young, upper-middle-class, Caucasian females in the US's West Coast area. I'm sure you are quite familiar with it. How to express it to a reader, though?

It's easy enough to write a regular sentence and then "valley-ize" it by punctuating it with the above words/phrases, and turning every statement into a half-question, to wit:

Erin and I went to the movies and saw some girls from our class. One of them was wearing lime-green plastic sunglasses.

Transforms into:

Okay, so, like, me and Erin, you know? we went to see 'Kick Ass' this afternoon, right? Oh—my—GOD DON'T WASTE YOUR MONEY!! Seriously! It SO sucked. Right as we were leaving, we like ran into those girls from fourth period Econ? you know? And that one, that skinny one that looks like a boy, you know? what's her name? Like Kesha or something? Had on this pair of VOMIT-colored shades! Okay so like no vomit is really that color, but… (etc)

So it's easy to make the cadence of this speech be felt by someone who reads English and hears it spoken frequently, just by adding some text and punctuation.

The thing about "the feeling that she is two-faced" is a bit harder to describe in words—I'm not sure if you are ADDING that inflection to some lines of valley-speak or if your personal feeling is that people who sound like that always sound semi-sarcastic…? You know? Maybe it's, like, a little bit of both…?

Okay, moving on: In the interest of economy of language, I feel it's best to describe the impression of someone being dishonest, fake, or two-faced not directed toward the sound of the voice—because it is AMAZINGLY hard to discern by sound of voice alone whether someone is lying or not (just ask me, I read tarot cards for people over the phone on a regular basis) but in the listeners' perceptions of body language (assuming the listeners are humanoid). For example, when a right-handed person is lying, he or she will glance down and to the left; it's opposite for a left-handed person. The person might display signs of nervousness or hesitancy, and so on.

A glib liar who has his/her story all worked out and practiced may not show any real outward signs of the inward process of dishonesty, but the listener may pick up from how the story is recited--without the usual pauses and repetitions of normal speech--that the person is being dishonest. THEN the cadence/tone of speech can indicate two-facedness or lying simply because the listening ear can discern recitation from spontaneous verbalization.

So those are my thoughts. That is an interesting question and I hope this answer was helpful.

S-wo, have you considered that some people find valley-speak extremely annoying, especially when it is written? It might not be a problem for a minor character with just a few lines who is introduced relatively late in the story. If it is your protagonist and page one is filled with valley-speak, I would stop reading before I got to page two. There is no way I would make a commitment to something like that. Scarlett gave a wonderful example of valley-speak, but look at what she did to your sentence. She made it four times longer without saying anything new. I get really impatient with that kind of wordiness. You should be writing to a specific audience, and I might not be in that group. This might be a situation where telling is better than showing. Maybe you could give two or three lines to show the reader how your character talks then have the narrator summarize the rest of the conversation. Kudos for giving your character a unique personality, but don't over do it. Just my two cents. Good luck, C.M.

@C.M. - It doesn't sound like she's supposed to be a LIKABLE character. I agree that valley speak can be really annoying, especially if it's as flighty as the stereotype (changing subject in the middle of a sentence and such). I'd use a few "so"s in her speech and describe the sound of it in a way that says she's not sincere.

i.e. "She spoke breathlessly, as if compelled to say as many words as possible, no matter whether or not they were true."

But my opinion isn't worth much. I'm not a published author or anything. Feel free to ignore it or laugh.

Originally Posted by Scarlett_156

The thing about "the feeling that she is two-faced" is a bit harder to describe in words—I'm not sure if you are ADDING that inflection to some lines of valley-speak or if your personal feeling is that people who sound like that always sound semi-sarcastic…? You know? Maybe it's, like, a little bit of both…?

Okay, moving on: In the interest of economy of language, I feel it's best to describe the impression of someone being dishonest, fake, or two-faced not directed toward the sound of the voice—because it is AMAZINGLY hard to discern by sound of voice alone whether someone is lying or not (just ask me, I read tarot cards for people over the phone on a regular basis) but in the listeners' perceptions of body language (assuming the listeners are humanoid). For example, when a right-handed person is lying, he or she will glance down and to the left; it's opposite for a left-handed person. The person might display signs of nervousness or hesitancy, and so on.

A glib liar who has his/her story all worked out and practiced may not show any real outward signs of the inward process of dishonesty, but the listener may pick up from how the story is recited--without the usual pauses and repetitions of normal speech--that the person is being dishonest. THEN the cadence/tone of speech can indicate two-facedness or lying simply because the listening ear can discern recitation from spontaneous verbalization.

So those are my thoughts. That is an interesting question and I hope this answer was helpful.

I appreciate your help along with Aaron and sly. I was adding the inflection with accent btw. I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to go about this, but I really appreciate the help. Thank you.

"There was a strangeness to her tone, as if she was a lying parakeet."

You don't always have to show. Telling works fine, if you know how to use it to your benefit.

Where did you get that quote from, Die Oldhaetunde?