Thread: When Writing A Fight Scene

In the process of editing my novel I am often defeateded when I get to reading the fight scenes. There's something missing. As an avid lover of anime and gaming my fight scenes try to convey that sense of destruction and overwhelming odds, but I'm often caught out by the cliches such as 'suddenly' or 'but then' or 'he did this'. Strange how the rest of my book conjures on character emotions and everything around them, but when it comes to knuckle dusting their opponents I admittedly suck. I want to keep the pace of the action, for it to be as engaging as the fight itself without digressing from it often or at all.

Any tips to improve my technique?

Thanks

Read reports of boxing matches written by the best, they can at times make you feel you were there - See how they pace their writing and what descriptive phrases they use.

Try reading Jim Butcher's Small Favor. In terms of crash-courses in writing action, I can't think of a better book. It is urban fantasy, so the genre might not fit with what you were writing, but I'd still recommend it.

Improving your vocabulary always helps with everything, not just fight scenes. There are always a lot more ways to describe "hitting" than you think at first.

An outline approach might be helpful. First just sketch out what happens during your fight (see below). State it as simply as possible at first.

Two guys with knives started yelling at each other, and then one guy ran at the other and there was a scuffle, and one of them got cut on the arm. Then some other guys pulled them apart.

What point of view will you use? Are you the invisible observer? Are you one of the combatants? Can you see everything that's happening, or is your perspective limited?

As the festival went on, I saw that Benito and Sal were getting upset with each other. I was afraid, but I didn't want to lose them in the crowd, so I kept following, staying a little behind. The drummers were going past and the noise was incredible, but with a sick feeling I saw that both of them had their knives out, and they were yelling. There was a woman in a red shawl fringed with gray: Mariela. Her expression was contorted with fear, but like me she was afraid to approach the two men, who now seemed impelled toward conflict with each other like wood chips caught in a maelstrom.

(And so on.) The thing is, a fight never happens in a vacuum. Even if your character is a participant in the fight, stand back and get an idea of what exactly is going on in your mind's eye. Draw some pictures if you need to. Time everything out (which I have done on more than one occasion) by walking/running the various distances involved and seeing if they are doable by humans... er, or whatever type of being you're writing about. Stuff like that is fun, even if it may make you seem somewhat eccentric to an observer. See if you can find whatever weapon your characters are fighting with, or something of the same approximate size, shape, and weight, and test yourself. Even a really doughty fighter will get seriously winded after hefting a broadsword for five minutes in a hot contest (they weigh like 40 pounds, some of them). If your characters are martial artists, read up on the terminology and fighting stances/blows and again--make a list.

Start keeping lists of synonyms; a gun is never just a gun, it's a Colt, or a rifle, or a dainty .20 caliber semiauto with pearl inlay on the handle. There are dozens, maybe hundreds, of different types of swords and blades. The devil is in the details, true, but also the details can be the most fun.

I think it's important when writing a fight scene to just get the whole thing straight in your head and write an outline or draft that is as simply stated as possible--don't worry about the language being boring, you're just trying to get the story fixed. Fill in the details after you've got it all set out, when you can close your eyes and see the fighters, the scene, where each one is standing, what they say to each other, who strikes the first blow, etc.

Maybe it's because the you are only showing the action, not the emotions that lie under the battle? Fighting is rarely something that people look to do, just showing what is happening doesn't have the impact of what the character experiences emotionally when they are in a battle.

Originally Posted by Scarlett_156

Improving your vocabulary always helps with everything, not just fight scenes. There are always a lot more ways to describe "hitting" than you think at first.

An outline approach might be helpful. First just sketch out what happens during your fight (see below). State it as simply as possible at first.



What point of view will you use? Are you the invisible observer? Are you one of the combatants? Can you see everything that's happening, or is your perspective limited?



(And so on.) The thing is, a fight never happens in a vacuum. Even if your character is a participant in the fight, stand back and get an idea of what exactly is going on in your mind's eye. Draw some pictures if you need to. Time everything out (which I have done on more than one occasion) by walking/running the various distances involved and seeing if they are doable by humans... er, or whatever type of being you're writing about. Stuff like that is fun, even if it may make you seem somewhat eccentric to an observer. See if you can find whatever weapon your characters are fighting with, or something of the same approximate size, shape, and weight, and test yourself. Even a really doughty fighter will get seriously winded after hefting a broadsword for five minutes in a hot contest (they weigh like 40 pounds, some of them). If your characters are martial artists, read up on the terminology and fighting stances/blows and again--make a list.

Start keeping lists of synonyms; a gun is never just a gun, it's a Colt, or a rifle, or a dainty .20 caliber semiauto with pearl inlay on the handle. There are dozens, maybe hundreds, of different types of swords and blades. The devil is in the details, true, but also the details can be the most fun.

I think it's important when writing a fight scene to just get the whole thing straight in your head and write an outline or draft that is as simply stated as possible--don't worry about the language being boring, you're just trying to get the story fixed. Fill in the details after you've got it all set out, when you can close your eyes and see the fighters, the scene, where each one is standing, what they say to each other, who strikes the first blow, etc.

Excellent. Thank you. I am a little eccentric when it comes to my story so I wouldn't put it passed myself to trying some of your suggested methods. Whatver gets the job done.

Depends on the viewpoint. If it is FP and the kid just got jacked and fell down, then you probably wouldn't go into much detail. Maybe mention the gravel biting into his cheek, and the scuffed boot of the assailant filling up his vision.

Originally Posted by Scarlett_156

Even a really doughty fighter will get seriously winded after hefting a broadsword for five minutes in a hot contest (they weigh like 40 pounds, some of them).

Actually, most full suits of plate armor barely weigh 40 pounds. A "heavy" sword would be about 5 pounds.

Originally Posted by Gamer_2k4

Actually, most full suits of plate armor barely weigh 40 pounds. A "heavy" sword would be about 5 pounds.

Unless you're talking about the fragile decorative swords all over the cheap markets today. Otherwise yes, thank you for knowing.

Depends on the length and type of fight. As a fencer, I can tell you that there is time for brief thoughts between the thrusts, parries etc... However on the martial arts mats, things move much more quickly. As one of my instructors used to say, if you take the time to think, it's too late and you're down. A fast and furious h2h is one of the few places where you can get away with more telling than showing than normal.
If you're not a fighter, go fight. If you call a few martial arts or fencing instructors, you'll find one who will give you 15 minutes of free time to actually experience what you're writing about. I can think of no better way to learn how to write about it.

His aggressor lunged at him, he ducked and swung his fist, smacking the side of his head. The man stumbled and smashed his face into the wall....

Here's a little extract. I'm moderately happy with how this has turned out but feel free to correct me; point out grammer error etc. My thanks to you all for helping me out here.

Feast your eyes on what it means to live in this world!
The foolhardy travelling merchant that stands idle nearby, weak at the knees and in awe of the scene ahead perhaps sees this as the highlight of his life, watching the magnificent pair as angry steel meets with angry steel, one bearing a magnificent claymore that logic dictates should be too heavy for he, a rather slender and boisterous youth, to wield while the other, a majestic looking fellow, defends and parries with a bow armed at either end with blades.
He wants to flee, he really does, to sound the alarm and get the guardsmen down here to intervene. But he can’t, his curiosity ultimately winning out; the guardsmen probably wouldn’t take him seriously anyway. Besides, all it’ll most certainly ever be is tavern talk, a swooning tale told to the ears of all for but a brief and desperate moment of spotlight. Questions ebb at him harder than justice anyway; ‘who shall win’ ‘who will draw blood first?’ Such inconsequential curiosity ultimately wins out in us all. Seeing such a sight only presses the truth that perhaps a life on the road, the path of the rogue, would have been a grander and more delightful life. Curse his bloodline, angers he, and curse his father’s name for ever insisting that he be a simple merchant!
He’ll linger a while longer before toddling off home to tell the missus. Not too far away and yet not too close either thankfully, and if he is to woo the ball and chain with this story and, with a bit of luck, wets his whistles he’ll need to absorb every detail.

Oh it’s a spectacle for Janus, the wielder of motion and focus, and the vampyre, a creature of darkness, as they battle without even a pinch of relent. Clouds of earth and debris from sleepy ruins pepper the sky as they soar through the clearing like two torpedoes before launching themselves at each other for the penultimate clash. Their speed bears unquestionable rivalry; while Janus glides furiously the vampyre, meanwhile, does so with elegance. With each stroke met the dark youth merely laughs teasingly, a rather maniacal and exploding laughter at that, before casually meeting the next head on as though it were all rehearsed, reminding Janus that this is no ordinary foe. Never has he faced such an opponent, one that is able to match him move for move.
In all his known years of traversing the lands of this strange world, Janus encountered plenty of fiends that forbade him his quest without blood toll, coin or otherwise. But always were the opponents dispatched at the very minute of their knavishness, their faces etched into the corners of his memories, ever perpetual in number for the lonesome years to come. But not a one of them ever came as high and challenging as this immortal youth of many years, he who has mocked Janus at every turn and held his own almost valiantly; he has faced vampyres before, as I have already lamented, but none quite so like this one.
It’s almost... humiliating.
Janus grinds his teeth, his eyes an image of lunacy as they flicker with both the concentration and stress that could cost him the battle. No, not by the hands of a vampyre would he fall, vowed he, swearing into his mind as his moral was remade anew.
Impossibly (as gods deem it) he halts himself in mid-air and narrows his bow down toward his opponent. He spies the vampyre clearly and he calls forth all his focus despite the desperation that distracts the moment, as the dark youth propels forward and toward.
Well, there’s the bow but no arrow. Either he’s going to fire invisible arrows or he’s a fool, the vampyre calculates, the latter being the more unlikely of his theories. “Forgotten your quiver of arrows, huntsman?” the vampyre mocks, though not without caution. He knows the game is afoot here, the huntsman a man of many years and armed undoubtedly with a cunning to match. His mind drifts back if but for a moment into the past, the image of Maledictio and the fierce battle they fought as fresh as the wounds he’d received then. The dark youth knows not to underestimate an immortal, especially one of the renowned twelve.
A searing golden light devours the evening quite suddenly, stealing the vampyre from his thoughts – a light as bright as the very sun. His vision blinded for precious seconds, the vampyre seeks to protect his eyes as they are faced with this rather inconvenient disadvantage.
A shot rings out and the vampyre’s senses cry out to him like a sixth sense, screaming for him to dodge hastily. He dives into any direction, his survival based on pot luck, praying that he does not leap into the face of whatever Janus had sprung from the ether. The earth below explodes upon impact – a feat almost nuclear. It would appear that he has arrows after all, and such of mystical proportions; not just a senseless old man like the dark youth had hoped for.
Mere seconds pass before the debris falls and the landscape is presented anew, courtesy of Janus’s mystical bow. He observes the land below as he, our master marksman, watches for any hint of movement below as he continues to hover above the destroyed land like a wrathful deity. A dark figure finally emerges from the earth, nursing his adjusting sight and whatever wound going unseen under his unique attire. He’s helpless now, at the mercy of the patience of his opponent. Desiring the advantage over watching this pathetic if not amusing sight, Janus wastes not a moment more. The vampyre has little time to defend but he swiftly does so anyway, lifting his blade against Janus’s two, spying the descending huntsman and flinching, fancying that his fierce appearance mimicked that of a screaming wraith.
There’s a monumental collision as the blades finally meet, sending a powerful ripple through the air and disturbing the earth around them as it pelts in every direction. Locking eyes, the two concentrate on each other carefully, measuring weakness and fatigue and the next move to follow as sparks of the sliding blades dance jaggedly.
“Gonna wear yourself out, old man,” teases the waning vampyre as though to distract Janus from his own weariness in spite of his position and circumstance. It only makes the huntsman push harder, but the dark youth is ever the thespian to his possible defeat.
“Notions of fear fail to grip me, foul thing,” he growls abruptly, finally forcing the vampyre to one knee. “I shall send you into the depths of the Void, where only despair awaits you.” It is with unprecedented will that drives Janus now, pushing as hard as he can against the beautiful blade before him. The vampyre is strong indeed, but Janus has more to offer. “With this quill I will take your life and use your blood as the ink to narrate your imminent demise.”
Strength and speed is found wanting, sumptuous and demanding in its desire. The vampyre is relentless. “Will you do the honour of being my bride?” says he all of a sudden. On his knee the jest appears almost genuine if even for a moment, and thus, in the queer nature of this strange turn of events Janus gasps and weakens a little in his offense. With the butt of his hilt the vampyre takes advantage, pushing the huntsman away from him and jutting him in the jaw with all the swift force that his nature deems. Recovery is almost instantaneous but such time allows for the dark youth to get to his feet, to prepare for a second round of this unending duel.
The two manage to exchange further steel, each swipe seeming to cut at the very winds and every single blow more challenging to defend against when compared to than the last.
It’s a test of creativity now, of artistry.

Originally Posted by Tatham

Here's a little extract. I'm moderately happy with how this has turned out but feel free to correct me; point out grammer error etc. My thanks to you all for helping me out here.

The fight itself is just fine, but the prose is far too elaborate in my mind. You sound like a Shakespearean color commentator. In fact, your efforts to be so elaborate can (and did) result in some awkwardness. For example, the line, "With this quill I will take your life and use your blood as the ink to narrate your imminent demise," is all poetic and everything, but how can Janus narrate the vampire's imminent demise if the vampire is already dead by that point?

Still, all that's just my opinion, so don't take it too seriously. The more important aspect (and the one you requested feedback on) is the fight itself. I think the balance you have is perfect. The fight itself should be described only in general terms, and the key points should be told in full. Just watch any Rocky movie (I like Rocky IV for how it shows this approach).

That bought a smile to my face. Maybe Janus will write about it later using the blood of his fallen foe? I'll leave that to interpretation. He's a very Shakespearian character, I designed him that way. He comes out with rather profound sentences and is as tragic as the best of them. Either way, I feel really boosted after your comment. I've had incredibly awful writers block this past weekend with my story. I'm glad I somewhat delivered here.

Originally Posted by Tatham

He's a very Shakespearian character, I designed him that way. He comes out with rather profound sentences and is as tragic as the best of them.

Shakespearean or not, this doesn't seem to be written from his point of view. It sounds more like it comes from an omniscient observer. Anyway, I agree with Gamer regarding the writing style -- it is so overwritten it is in danger of parodying itself.