Thread: Still Stuck

Is there anybody out there?

I am writing a children's young adults book with humour..(hopefully). I have asked for assistance before on this topic and received some helpful advice (thank you again Woodroam and others). I am still stuck.. I am trying to write a story within a story. A mother is telling a child a story about his great great grandfather.. the child is recalling the story and his mind goes back. I decribe the mother beginning the story and the child's thought as her story begins and progresses. I am writing his thoughts in between in a different font of italics to show his thoughts or distractions.. there is one part at the very beginning of her talking where the written text re his reactions are a full paragraph. I am finding very difficult to find a way for the mother to suddenly continue her speech (i.e story). I received some good tips from Woodroam which were really helpful when the breaks were small, i.e.a line or two.. but when his wonderings went off for longer, it is still hard for me to pick up naturally.. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

When the child's thoughts are longer--you say a full paragraph--maybe have the child miss parts of the story, and so the paragraph of thought/distraction might be followed by the next part of the story starting mid-paragraph. This gives the reader the same sensation as the child, which is one of suddenly becoming aware of what they should be concentrating on. Maybe start the appropriate section with an ellipsis.

Maybe it's just me, but why not just tell the story? If you are writing for children, they will probably have more interest in the actual story than the child thoughts while listening to the story...and distractions??? I think the reason some children's books are read also by adults is that the writer doesn't write down to the intended reader, just keeps the story to something the targeted age group would enjoy. Harry Potter for one, and Narnia is another. The writing is just as readable for an adult as it would be for a younger reader.

I think what confuses me is how reading a story of someone hearing a story would make the story better. What is being gained by doing so...and just as important, is it being done to explain things that the story doesn't get across properly? There are a great deal of things, I think of them as gimmicks, to try and convince the reader/viewer (done even more in tv lately) that the story is worth going through even though the writer obviously has doubts of the value of it. I'm not saying this is your reason, but if you tell a good story, then you don't need additional props to get people to enjoy it. Be sure of what you are doing has a purpose, because if it doesn't, then the story will most likely fail. Most writing is geared to push the focus on the story itself, but by having the story contained in another story, you will diminish the internal one.

Thank you for your very valuable comments both. That was great advice. I didn't even think of the ellipsis. I must have become so stuck in it, can no longer see wood from the trees.. and Lord Darkstorm, I think what you said was exactly what I needed to hear.. I was going to chuck the story within altogether, wondering if I really needed, it has bugged me for so long, so maybe my instincts were right that there was something not altogether gelling with it. So, might keep the story after all and simply try what you suggest - leaving the lengthy reactions out. This site is amazingly helpful and thanks for taking the time to respond.