Thread: Anybody here good at RETORTS?

What would be a great intelligent response/retort to somebody attacking your grammar?
For example, if somebody said "It's spelled YOU'RE. Not 'your'. You illiterate idiot."
Just wondering though. Can anybody come up with something off the top of their heads that would undoubtedly shut the other person up if they resort to a cheap tactic like this?

There isn't one.
Sadly, a person making that error will always face those words or something similar. Yahoo news threads are full of such attacks. I missed a letter off a word once and the response was unbelievable! Nothing about my valid point to the story, just one huge put down from lots of people.
It seems to be even less acceptable when it is made on certain writing forums (not here), where the person claims they want to be a writer.
If a person is not fully immersed in the language and make errors, there will always be someone to point the mistake out. Most times it is constructive and helpful, especially if it is to do with writing as it helps you learn.
For the idiots with nothing better to do than tear a person down, take it on the chin and carry on. A response to them isn't worth it.
Just learn from the "advice" part of their postings, ignore the rest.

Response: Oops, glad you caught that. Thank you for the nit and thank you for reading.

You don't want to shut people up. You want them to read and you need constructive crits to improve the work. That you don't like their tone is immaterial. Don't take crits personally (they're critiquing your work, not you). Just take what will make the work better and always thank everyone because at least they read it.

Hope that helps.

I don't know what a good comeback might be. I've been guilty of correcting someone's grammar, but more often than not, it's done online and I usually just make a face after it. More often than not, I use or but I try not to be mean about it.

Also, it depends on the situation. My example is from chatting so much with friends. If it's in your writing, then as Hawke pointed out, you want to be told of those kinds of errors so they don't get repeated. However, I think that anyone who would call another an idiot just because of these things shouldn't be reviewing anything.

I echo Hawke's view. If you seek to shut up those who attack your writing, soon, there will be no one to read your work.

But if you really, really, wish to have some retort, you may have answer with Mr. Ox.

(Just kidding, xO. ^_^)

Originally Posted by xhayatox

"It's spelled YOU'RE. Not 'your'. You illiterate idiot."

Now that's quite personal. Sadly, taking it personally won't get anyone anywhere. Just stop reading at 'your', get the message, consult external sources if you're not sure, and fix what needs to be fixed. If nothing needs to be fixed and he's just saying that for the sake of annoyance, just let everyone know and keep it as civil as possible.

I have a joke with a friend that kinda fits:

"Your grammar sucks."

"What'd you say about my grandma?!"

Some people are just rude. Trying to come up with a clever way to shut them up is a waste of your time. If it was constructive criticism, then accept it and thank them. If they're just trying to be rude and not being constructive at all, the best thing anyone can do is just move along.
Or... 'fight fire with kindness' (is that how the saying goes?) - if they don't add anything to the conversation and are just being the unfriendly grammar police, I would say something like, "Oops, thanks for catching that mistake. But is that all you have to add?"
But I've found that more often than not, it's easier to just walk away. Responding to a rude comment with your own rude comment will only bring about another rude comment. Break the cycle!

Yes, it is best to ignore it.

But if you just can't ignore it the best way to fight fire is with water. For example, in the example you gave, your response could be:

"Sorry, you're right of course. I am not at my best today; my wife just had a miscarriage."/my four year old just broke his leg/my dad just had heart surgery yesterday and there are complications/I was just laid off at work/my parents just told me they're getting a divorce, Etc.

You give them this one response and then you do not respond to them again, no matter what they say. Put them on ignore, if the forum has that function. As long as you do this, whether they feel guilty and embarrassed or disbelieving and continue to attack rudely, you have won. As long as you maintian your silence.

This works the other way 'round, as well. I've learnt to be careful about saying something like, 'In this context you need to use the contraction ''you're'' for ''you are'' rather than the second person possessive ''your'''. Such corrections often draw the ire of the person corrected who will explain at length their qualifications and great learning and end with derogatory comments regarding my immediate ancestry.

Some correct errors out of a sense of helpfulness and genuine concern. Those are the best comments you will ever receive.

Others simply wish to feel superior by rubbing your nose in a mistake. You can always tell the difference.

I truly feel sorry for those that get enjoyment from the suffering of others. Even if it is something as small as intentionally hurting your feelings. Do not hate them, that is often what they want. They are comfortable with anger, they way a drunk is comfortable with a garbage strewn gutter.

Pity them. Do not enable them by feeding their sickness. One day, they may wake up and want to change.

Originally Posted by garza

This works the other way 'round, as well. I've learnt to be careful about saying something like, 'In this context you need to use the contraction ''you're'' for ''you are'' rather than the second person possessive ''your'''. Such corrections often draw the ire of the person corrected who will explain at length their qualifications and great learning and end with derogatory comments regarding my immediate ancestry.

Unfortunately, this one is true in many cases. I had to leave a forum because it had already became a show of superiority when it comes to writing rather than a club of sharing stories and constructive criticism. It was as if each member was trying to impose that "I'm better." People like that should be ignored, though his actual critique should be given some thought.